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After reading these posts I have to say I feel very blessed to have my loud, imperfect, in your face family. They are not perfect by any means but compared to the families mentioned in the above posts they seem wonderful.
After reading these posts I have to say I feel very blessed to have my loud, imperfect, in your face family. They are not perfect by any means but compared to the families mentioned in the above posts they seem wonderful.
yes its very triggering for some of us to read the Complaining about Family threads.
I'd just like to have a Family, to complain about, instead of the collection of miscreants and sociopaths I have.
In the past 30 odd years I have had contact with my younger sister maybe 10 times in person, e-mail, or phone. Most of those interactions had to do with elderly parents and estate reconciliation. The parents are dead now and there is only one last bit of estate work to be done. After that I wouldn't be surprised if I never hear from her again.
Back in the mid 80's she went a bit nuts and got in with a bad crowd. She and her friends robbed my and my parents homes. She only got me once but she hit the parents several times. My mother had such a hard time dealing with this that she had mental issues for the rest of her life. She pretty much ruined our family. Mom wanted to tell her it was all OK while my father and I had other ideas that included restitution and apologies. My sister did some pretty awful things.
I was able to recover some of my parent's stuff at local pawn shops. There was never any doubt she did it. The pawn shops had complete records and pictures of her. Local law enforcement was useless and refused to do anything to her. Some of what was stolen belonged to a roommate of mine and because it was my sister I felt obligated to replace what was taken. It took me a long time.
To the best of my knowledge, she turned her life around and has been crime free for decades.
Wait. What?? You got a dog 4 decades ago and that is the cause of your problems today? Unless that dog ate your legs, arms, or head, I'm pretty sure that's not the cause of anything! Sounds like you are making a good choices by avoiding him. He sounds like a LOON!
Yes, he really said that.
I think the problem with my brother is he became a tea partier and now he echoes all their lines, like bad life choices, and things like that. He's a lot like Trump, spouts off about what bothers him, but never sees beyond his emotions and has no idea of how to accomplish what he says he wishes would happen. I'm sure he's the kind to want all welfare recipients drug tested, no matter what the cost, because the testing would make honest people of us all.
What's sad is he didn't used to be like this. I miss the brother I used to have.
Got sucked back in for about a year a few years ago.
Then, when they all conspired to bleed me for another ~70k, which they by no means need, I cut off that entire side of fam.
The last email I got from my mom was asking me if I was sick because she would not cancel my life insurance if so because "you're worth more dead to me than alive." (Life insurance on kids is creepy enough and why did she still have it?? I was married and over 35!!?)
But then like the good conservative on SSDI that she is, she cashed that out for 10k, took a vacation, then filed for bankruptcy before inheriting over 100k.
None of them stuck to the contact of paying me for taking care of THEIR mom for a year after I quit my job to do so and was still paying rent on my apartment and accumulated thousands of dollars worth of debt. Instead, one said, (screamed actually) "you ain't getting shiit, FK U get out of 'my' house!"
I have no idea how we are related. They are the most self absorbed miserable people on the planet.
They even rented a dumpster like 2 days after my grams death and threw out over 50 years of history and furniture because "We don't like the idea of donating things just so people can buy it and make money off 'our stuff'."
This is a generalization and YMMV but based on what I've experienced personally as well as analyzing other people and their results, I would say that it's easier to just completely cut off certain types of people than to deal with their crap or try to help them when they don't really want to change. People I'm talking about are addicts, habitual criminals, people who are routinely abusive, people with deep psychological issues and people who clash with your ideals, bigots for example. You could spend your entire life dealing with these people, putting up with their issues and trying to be nice or helpful and you'll find that it was all just a waste of time. I've seen too many examples and experienced it personally to believe otherwise. Yes, I have family members who fit the criteria of the previously mentioned problems and yes I've cut off ties with them. I don't regret or ever second guess my decisions. If someone isn't willing to be respectful and comfortable around you, then there's no point in associating with them. It doesn't matter if they are a family member or some stranger off the street you just met.
I kept in touch with my one brother all those years and he was very supportive. But in the last 6 or 7 years, he's become - I don't know what the word is - conservatilized? He is now a tea partier and froths at the mouth whenever Obama is mentioned. He also hates all people on welfare and thinks I am a lazy leech, living off the government. His biggest complaint is the bad life choice I made when I bought my dog. I bought my dog in 1978, by the way, when I was working full time and doing well, and the dog died 27 years ago. But according to him, that is the cause of ALL my present day problems. Seriously, he said that.
Needless to say, I cut off communication with him completely (I have enough crap in my life, I surely don't need any more from him), but if he decided he wanted to mend fences someday, I'd be willing to listen to him. As long as "mending fences" doesn't mean I have to listen to him spewing out what a load of garbage I am.
he sounds rather like my brother. there's an object, event or person to vilify, and everyone else is flawed. i know, he's told me what's wrong with everyone. the difference is that he never confronts anyone, but talks to others about them. i think the only people he likes are his son, daughter and grandchild.
the 2000th final straw was when he started to talk about our mother when she was lying on her death bed. he didn't know when to just shut up.
i haven't seen or spoken to him since our mother's service a few days after she died. that was over three years ago.
he sounds rather like my brother. there's an object, event or person to vilify, and everyone else is flawed. i know, he's told me what's wrong with everyone. the difference is that he never confronts anyone, but talks to others about them. i think the only people he likes are his son, daughter and grandchild.
the 2000th final straw was when he started to talk about our mother when she was lying on her death bed. he didn't know when to just shut up.
i haven't seen or spoken to him since our mother's service a few days after she died. that was over three years ago.
^ my fam did that too. All her children talking about my grandmother and making funeral arrangements like she wasn't even in the room just because she couldn't talk and had a tube down her throat.
When we all left to have a "family meeting," i stayed a minute to tell my grams what was going on and why we were all leaving - whether she could hear me or not, idk.
Then 2 of her 3 kids were all weird and paranoid asking me what I was still doing in there.
I had a second cousin who was purportedly abused by the stepmother's son. No charges were ever filed to my knowledge, but some rape survivors network is the first thing you see when you Google her name. She's written off everyone on her dad's side of the family.
Don't tell me! I can already imagine what will happen when my mom dies. My mom split her will up between me and my brothers - half goes to the brother who is married with 6 kids, 1/4 goes to my other brother, and 1/4 goes to me. As my mom has already given me a lot of money and bought me a car, I told her she could just leave me out of the will, but she said, and I quote: "It's my money and I'll do what I damn well please with it."
But here's the problem. I have one brother already who thinks I'm worthless because I've applied for disability and am on food stamps. The other brother, the married one, and his wife think that I am milking my mom for all her money now, which isn't true (you go back and tell that old battleaxe what she should do with her money! LOL). My SIL, whom I have spoken to maybe three times in 30 years, wants to talk to me so she can tell me to quit leeching off my mother. And my married brother is in charge of all my mom's investments.
Can you see the s**tstorm that's coming when my mom dies?
And what's really crazy about all this is, there really isn't going to be that much money when she dies, maybe a couple thousand tops.
The lawyers will eat that up in a heartbeat if it comes to a court case.
If mom really is giving you money even if she wants to, you don't have to accept it. If you feel you have been given enough by the time she passes, you could still gift your portion of inheritance to other family members. Things could change and there could be no money left at some point if mom needs care. In that case it seems you make out the best.
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