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Moderator cut: orphaned quote
I was a social worker for over a decade.
The whole culture of enabling, irresponsibility, teen pregnancy, destructive behaviour and coddling of kids with long arrest record which are illustrated in this ongoing saga is quite the norm for massive swathes of American culture. Most correspondents here probably don't rub elbows with them, but they make up a huge percentage of the population.
The one and only feature which distinguishes this tour de force of dysfunction is the OP's relatively high degree of literacy, and her apparent willingness to share her humiliation with us in print.
That said, I neither know nor care whether this is entirely fictitious or not. It is entirely within the realm of possibility, as well as is the OP's blithe inability -- or refusal -- to recognize common sense. Quite common, ubiquitous even, among court-involved families.
Somebody, somewhere needs to 'get' what all of us are dishing up as advice.
Creative fiction or rambling diary of dysfunction -- it is a slice of life among clientele of the social services.
Last edited by Miss Blue; 01-12-2016 at 01:04 PM..
The whole culture of enabling, irresponsibility, teen pregnancy, destructive behaviour and coddling of kids with long arrest record which are illustrated in this ongoing saga is quite the norm for massive swathes of American culture. Most correspondents here probably don't rub elbows with them, but they make up a huge percentage of the population.
The one and only feature which distinguishes this tour de force of dysfunction is the OP's relatively high degree of literacy, and her apparent willingness to share her humiliation with us in print.
That said, I neither know nor care whether this is entirely fictitious or not. It is entirely within the realm of possibility, as well as is the OP's blithe inability -- or refusal -- to recognize common sense. Quite common, ubiquitous even, among court-involved families.
Somebody, somewhere needs to 'get' what all of us are dishing up as advice.
Creative fiction or rambling diary of dysfunction -- it is a slice of life among clientele of the social services.
If you seriously have to deal with stuff like this on a daily basis, I suddenly feel the urge to buy you a drink of your choice.
The whole culture of enabling, irresponsibility, teen pregnancy, destructive behaviour and coddling of kids with long arrest record which are illustrated in this ongoing saga is quite the norm for massive swathes of American culture. Most correspondents here probably don't rub elbows with them, but they make up a huge percentage of the population.
The one and only feature which distinguishes this tour de force of dysfunction is the OP's relatively high degree of literacy, and her apparent willingness to share her humiliation with us in print.
That said, I neither know nor care whether this is entirely fictitious or not. It is entirely within the realm of possibility, as well as is the OP's blithe inability -- or refusal -- to recognize common sense. Quite common, ubiquitous even, among court-involved families.
Somebody, somewhere needs to 'get' what all of us are dishing up as advice.
Creative fiction or rambling diary of dysfunction -- it is a slice of life among clientele of the social services.
Yep. I've seen it too, even though I'm not a social worker.
Yep. I've seen it too, even though I'm not a social worker.
I wonder how many of us have tried to help OP in the real world: social worker, psychologist, nurse, special education teacher, probation officer, cop.
Bet they have all had brushes of reality with this mom.
I agree with this. But I also agree that the OP has to be making all this up. That husband would have left her and her spoiled, useless boys years ago.
My husband told me this last night and it really hurt my feelings.
"You are making major mistakes as a parent!"
I told him there were some things you can say but this to me is the worst. No parent/mother wants to be told she's making mistakes, especially from her husband.
Grow up. You're a completely irresponsible parent, with no concept at all of how to raise a child into an adult. Your husband is the best friend you have in the world right now, and the only person alive who can help you save your children and coming grandchild from having their lives destroyed forever. You need to grow up and start listening to every word this man says, because if you don't, your children and grandchild are doomed, and it is entirely your fault.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Snowed08
This is not their father but he's the one I've entrusted with to help me raise them. He says, "well let me help and stop shutting me down when it's time to show some discipline and structure. I've been here 12+ years and I still have to get permission from you to say anything to them."
Nonsense. You haven't entrusted him with anything, because you refuse to listen to a word he says - when he is the one person alive who is not only able to help you and your offspring, but for some utterly inexplicable reason still willing to do so. If I were you, I would jump all over that ASAP while the offer is still good, because if I were him, I would already be making plans to leave. Very few men would have stuck around for this crap this long; you're playing on borrowed time. If I were you, I wouldn't count on it lasting much longer.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Snowed08
It's just hard for me to let someone else try to raise your children.
If someone other than you doesn't raise them, then they obviously won't be raised at all. You are completely unfit to be a mother. I'm sorry, but that's just an absolute fact. You have no idea at all how to parent a child, and you are destroying your entire family with your inexcusable irresponsibility.
Last edited by Mr. In-Between; 01-12-2016 at 12:40 PM..
My husband told me this last night and it really hurt my feelings.
"You are making major mistakes as a parent!"
I told him there were some things you can say but this to me is the worst. No parent/mother wants to be told she's making mistakes, especially from her husband. This is not their father but he's the one I've entrusted with to help me raise them. He says, "well let me help and stop shutting me down when it's time to show some discipline and structure. I've been here 12+ years and I still have to get permission from you to say anything to them."
It's just hard for me to let someone else try to raise your children.
He has a point. You start this thread, and another, complaining how he won't help your sons, and seems to not care. He's trying to help by actually teaching them some values, but you get mad.
You don't want him to help your sons. You want him to spoil and cater to them, like you do. And he's not going to do that. Spoiling children will lead to them being spoiled. Now in some cases, kids can handle their parents spoiling them without it going to their head. But in many, if not more, cases, spoiled kids don't appreciate anything and become entitled to do as they please while others bend over for them.
My husband told me this last night and it really hurt my feelings.
"You are making major mistakes as a parent!"
I told him there were some things you can say but this to me is the worst. No parent/mother wants to be told she's making mistakes, especially from her husband. This is not their father but he's the one I've entrusted with to help me raise them. He says, "well let me help and stop shutting me down when it's time to show some discipline and structure. I've been here 12+ years and I still have to get permission from you to say anything to them."
It's just hard for me to let someone else try to raise your children.
Another contradiction, you say in one breath you entrusted him to help raise them and in the next you say it is hard to let someone else raise them.
Which is it? Obviously it is not the former because you have only entrusted your husband to provide financially for you and your children, nothing more. I believe you are very lucky he has tolerated this situation for 12+ years but I wonder how much longer he is going to take this treatment.
Your husband deserves sainthood for putting up with this.
You should both kick that useless POS man, not boy, out into the real world where he actually has to do something but sponge off a parent that doesn't want to let him become a man.
He has no personal responsibility because he doesn't have to. Mommy will always take care of him so why should he worry about doing anything? He knows he'll always have a warm bed, a meal, and mommy to make excuses no matter what he does.
Cutting him off and kicking him out would be the best thing in the world for him because once he ran out of friends and relatives to leech off of, he might actually have to make something of himself.
My husband told me this last night and it really hurt my feelings.
"You are making major mistakes as a parent!"
I told him there were some things you can say but this to me is the worst. No parent/mother wants to be told she's making mistakes, especially from her husband. This is not their father but he's the one I've entrusted with to help me raise them. He says, "well let me help and stop shutting me down when it's time to show some discipline and structure. I've been here 12+ years and I still have to get permission from you to say anything to them."
It's just hard for me to let someone else try to raise your children.
Moderator cut: deleteI still enjoy this thread because the posts are so illogical and respond to just enough small points, while ignoring all the salient ones, to keep the thread going. There has also been a lot of great advice offered by the posters here so I am sure someone out there could benefit from it.Moderator cut: delete
Last edited by Miss Blue; 01-14-2016 at 02:27 PM..
Reason: off topic
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