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Her actual son, the 2-1/2 year old. Taco Belle has come up with a version of his name that apparently sounds "black." It may have to do with an initialism, but don't quote me on that.
rather than quote anyone on anything, it is far better to make up something that they said
OP, this Taco Belle doesn't like you. She resents you. She thinks you took her dad away. She thinks you hurt her own mother.
She is wrong. But she will probably always be loyal to her own biological mother, not you. She is probably immature, hurt, torn, angry, and somewhat unhappy.
Yes, she is lashing out at you--and in ways that are somewhat sneaky so she can hurt you but it won't be that obvious to others. You can't explain it to others because it's a pattern of sneaky, mean behaviors. She thinks you are the wicked step-mother. I don't know what you can do but you'll only confirm her suspicions if you react badly. TRY to let it roll like water off a duck's back. Maybe you could ask your MIL for advice--she is the girl's own grandmother and she might have a talk with the girl.
Your husband is torn between you and his daughter so he doesn't want to get caught in the middle. But the MIL is HIS mother and the GIRL'S grandmother. Talk to her. Stop being offended and know that when you act angry and offended, you are playing directly into Taco's hands. Get the grandmother on your side to help with the step daughter. She ate HAM at her grandmother's --grandma is key here.
Some good points. The only thing I disagree with is involving the grandmother.
Anyway, OP, maybe you should try what I did when my step son was going through his sulky, weird, trying stage (which lasted about thee long, tortuous years but now seems like a distant, foggy memory). I would introduce myself to his friends by sticking my hand out and saying "Hi, I'm Kathryn - the Evil Stepmother." He was so sulky for awhile that I threatened to get a T shirt to wear to his games that said, "Evil Stepmother" on the back - I honestly wish I'd done this now but maybe it's best that I didn't. But my point is that I just confronted the myth, got it out in the open and guess what - it defused a lot of the animosity because people would laugh about it, even his friends. I'd call him and I'd know he'd be with other folks, maybe even his mom, and I'd say, "Hey, ______, this is your Evil Stepmother. What time is the talent show Friday night? What can I wear that will not bring you shame and misery?" Honestly, even he had to laugh eventually.
But I had successfully called his hand on it and just gotten it out in the open, where it died a short death due to exposure.
Lots of black people are named James, so maybe she didn't even have to come up with a particular version.
And James Taylor, who by the way is NOT black, in spite of being named James, has a really awesome song about Sweet Baby James. But I don't think the step daughter has that song in mind when she makes racist jokes involving a two year old.
All of this is very strange indeed. It reminds me of two white guys I know - who both have names that "sound black." Or could "sound black," I guess. They own a mortgage company together and whenever I refer customers to them, I wonder if the customers think, "My, but these names sound black. Or blackish." I have to resist the temptation to say, "Their names are _____ and _____ and believe it or not, they are two of the whitest guys I know." But that would sound weird, so I don't say it.
Help, I'm talking and I can't shut up.
In one of my other posts where I felt compelled to give examples of other rude behavior exhibited by Taco Belle, I relayed the story of how she openly expressed her disdain for the name we chose for him. You know his name, and you also know we refer to him as J.X. and that our last name is fairly common. Well, Taco Belle isn't shy about making her racist feelings known....she makes comments all the time. One of those comments was "JX Xxxxxx sounds like a big black guy". To which DH replied "I think it's a good name." Then Belle said "yeah, well that's your choice." I said nothing & bit my tongue in half. I think I went to the bathroom for a while. She didn't say it as a joke. She meant it in a derogatory way bc to HER anything that sounds, looks or behaves "blackish" is undesirable.
Dishes: DH helped me gather plates & I rinsed them off & put them in the dishwasher. We ran it later after everyone had left.
I wrapped up our dishes of left-overs & put them in the fridge. DH was in the family room talking with everyone while I did this. But our kitchen is open to family room, so I wasn't cut out of conversation or anything. When I was done & joined the rest, we opened presents.
Does anyone have a problem with the way that was handled? Lol. Do I need to describe seating arrangements in the family room during gift exchange?
In one of my other posts where I felt compelled to give examples of other rude behavior exhibited by Taco Belle, I relayed the story of how she openly expressed her disdain for the name we chose for him. You know his name, and you also know we refer to him as J.X. and that our last name is fairly common. Well, Taco Belle isn't shy about making her racist feelings known....she makes comments all the time. One of those comments was "JX Xxxxxx sounds like a big black guy". To which DH replied "I think it's a good name." Then Belle said "yeah, well that's your choice." I said nothing & bit my tongue in half. I think I went to the bathroom for a while. She didn't say it as a joke. She meant it in a derogatory way bc to HER anything that sounds, looks or behaves "blackish" is undesirable.
I'm not sure I even read this whole post. I got to the "exhibited by Taco Belle" and had a fit of sobbing laughter. Then I made it all the way to "Taco Belle isn't shy" as I recovered. At "Then Belle said" I totally lost it and the tears of laughter obscured my view.
delicate question, and one we have not explored yet, though i can't imagine why because we are very thorough, even to the point of exploring details that are not even there
has the step son....ever dated? is it a sensitive topic? is he a late bloomer?
Yes, please find out more details and share them here. We will wait!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801
Don't forget a video of little James tap-dancing.
Awesome!! I tried to rep you for this, but I gotta spread it 'round.
In one of my other posts where I felt compelled to give examples of other rude behavior exhibited by Taco Belle, I relayed the story of how she openly expressed her disdain for the name we chose for him. You know his name, and you also know we refer to him as J.X. and that our last name is fairly common. Well, Taco Belle isn't shy about making her racist feelings known....she makes comments all the time. One of those comments was "JX Xxxxxx sounds like a big black guy". To which DH replied "I think it's a good name." Then Belle said "yeah, well that's your choice." I said nothing & bit my tongue in half. I think I went to the bathroom for a while. She didn't say it as a joke. She meant it in a derogatory way bc to HER anything that sounds, looks or behaves "blackish" is undesirable.
Oh, girl you are missing an awesome opportunity. You just need to come up with a version of her name that would sound ghetto to her, and call her that. Or just call her Bella Tacqueria or something like that. You really need to play this one up.
You could also find a poster of a big black guy - maybe a Luther poster of Idris Elba and put it up in whatever bathroom she uses when she comes over. Or a Samuel Jackson poster, I don't know - anyway, oh my gosh, would I have fun with this one!
We took my stepson to a Cinco de Mayo festival one time. He was almost in a state of culture shock but he couldn't leave till we did because he was only 14 and we were driving. I bought a T shirt with the Virgin of Guadelupe on it and changed into it there and insisted on walking around with him. I thought he was going to die of discomfort but he laughs about it now. He just needed a bit of cultural exposure.
My understanding is there were 10 seats for 10 people. The latecomers, Miss Taco Belle & Company, had the 2 counter seats available to them but Miss Taco Belle decided to grab the table seat previously occupied by StepMom and grab one of the other seats for her fiancee. There were enough seats and the first come, first serve rule should have been in effect. I don't see any P/A in OP's actions.
From post #5 there were apparently 8 seats for 10 people as there were enough seats until step daughter showed up. Step daughter and fiance were expected to wait to eat till others were done and some chairs opened up, as was said in post... #59 I believe.
Maybe 9 seats, since there was an extra one for the fiance to sit in, but it doesn't seem like there were enough for both.
I can honestly say I am glad I do not have a step mother and that Mr. CSD has children who do not refer to me as their
step mother. When introduced I am *Dad's Wife*. His grandchildren refer to me as Papa CSD's CSD (insert names at CSD)
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--grandma is key here.
