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While I agree with the other posters who said that this friend is selfish in the friendship, more focused on receiving than giving, I think the bigger issue here is that she's incapable of giving relationship advice, even if she were willing.
She's been a relationship mess all these years, constantly asking for your advice, so what would prompt YOU to ask HER for advice? Hasn't she already demonstrated that she can't be of any help in that area? You both set up a dynamic that recognizes that you have experience/wisdom/expertise that she does not have, and she therefore has to consult you. So if you end up needing advice in that area, you need to consult with someone who has MORE experience/wisdom/expertise, not less.
So sure, she may be selfish, but she's also not the person who could help you even if she tried.
Just lost another friend of 2015. Last night my friend freaked out on me because she asked the guy she likes if he liked me and he said he did at one time and went and tried to make him and my other friends hate me by telling lies about me. We're 19-22 :|
OP, if you've been friends for 14 yrs, I think you've known each other long enough to have replied to her, "Wow, is that all I get after all the yrs of relationship advice I've given you?" I would have been realy curious to hear what she said next.
You're investing way too much time into this friendship. Decrease it by 90%. I'm serious. She obviously doesn't even care about your situation to give you her honest advice to even think about it in her head for 2 minutes.
While I agree with the other posters who said that this friend is selfish in the friendship, more focused on receiving than giving, I think the bigger issue here is that she's incapable of giving relationship advice, even if she were willing.
She's been a relationship mess all these years, constantly asking for your advice, so what would prompt YOU to ask HER for advice? Hasn't she already demonstrated that she can't be of any help in that area? You both set up a dynamic that recognizes that you have experience/wisdom/expertise that she does not have, and she therefore has to consult you. So if you end up needing advice in that area, you need to consult with someone who has MORE experience/wisdom/expertise, not less.
So sure, she may be selfish, but she's also not the person who could help you even if she tried.
The OP could have been talking about their mother who was in the hospital, and most likely would have gotten the same response. This is someone who only wants to talk about themselves. She could care less about anybody else's issues.
The OP only mentioned this one long distance relationship. Which is silly to begin with, unless someone is planning to move across the country.
The "friend" is one of these types(we all know them) where you could say "a spaceship just landed on my block" and they would say "wow, anyway I went to Target and got a new bedspread"....all about them.
I guess the OP's friend is BOTH self-absorbed AND incapable of providing relationship advice. All the more reason for the OP to consider why she would even ask this person for help.
I admit, I tend to see anyone who asks me for relationship advice more than once in a 10 year period to be a "relationship hot mess." So I might be an extreme.
But in reality, if you have a friend who can't seem to make relationships work, why even go to her for advice? It would be like a friend coming to me for help with something like dancing or auto repair.
Yeah, I've had friends like that. They want to blather on about their girlfriends for hours on end, but then when YOU need to talk, forget it. I lost a whole bunch of friends after a big break-up. They listened to what my partner had to say, never talked to me and just took her side. Obviously they couldn't manage to be friends with both of us. Well, good riddance to bad rubbish. Isn't that what Bugs Bunny used to say?
Very hurtful after the OP lost her mother that someone would pull that crap.
It's a tough situation if someone puts you in the therapist role and expects you to sit there and listen for hours on end.
I'm a bad substitute therapist because my education and training from going to business school is in how to analyze and then problem solve, putting emotions aside and looking at the options available. I tend to want to cut to the chase and figure out a solution. That's completely opposite from the 'therapeutic process' where the person needs to talk and explore all their feelings as wide and deep as possible to work through them, for as long as it might take, over weeks or months or even years. Therapists are trained thoroughly and well to do exactly that. Being put in that position by a friend can be both awkward and bad for the friendship. And reciprocity is usually not extended by such a friend, so when you (the substitute therapist) are struggling with issues in your own life and want to talk it through, you end up getting a one line response like, "sorry, that's tough, hope it all works out."
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