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I haven't posted too many new things, as I have tried to take care of my own "stuff", not whine and have chosen to try and help others. I have been mainly going to God in prayer for things which do bother me.
Well....this is still bothering me so am going to go ahead and get it off my chest...
I have a friend who I have tried to be there for. She has so many personal problems and I have actually dropped things I needed to get done to be with her. She has called and there has been such a sense of urgency in her voice "I have to talk to someone", "Something has happened and I need to get this out, ", etc., are the "openings" she uses. I have met with her at least once, sometimes twice a week for well over a year. If I have any problems, I seldom share with her. She is pretty much into herself and her own world. That's okay. I go to God, my mom and I have a really good friend who I trust to talk to.
I have helped her move furniture because the people she did ask never contacted her back. She had to have two things which needed to be moved right. So a guy friend and I ended up doing it. These pieces were huge, awkward and were heavy! I am in my mid-50's and this woman is 10 years younger than me. I didn't mean that my guy friend and I would do the moving by ourselves--we offered to help. When we got to her place, she was in a nice dress and high heels and said she had a date after we finished. She watched us move the stuff from one floor to another and told us where it needed to go. I thought I was going to have a heart attack and I told myself while I was waiting to catch my breath, looking so nasty and sweat pouring off of me "Never Again!" as she stood there looking perfect, staring at me in her nice dress and made up face (LOL). I felt bad that I had enlisted the aid of a good male friend of mine to help. She was very appreciative and said that we were the only ones who were willing to help her. Anyway, I got myself into that and no one to blame but me. Still continued to be a good friend to her. She even told me I was one of the only people she could trust.
She has a 4th of July party every year. I was invited last year. This year--no invite. I know I should have brushed it off. She invited other common friends we have and that is how I found out. I am hurt and confused and it is going to be hard to meet with her and wondering why I was good enough to move her stupid sofas, and good enough to tell all her problems to, just not good enough to be invited to her party. I feel like a kid back in school when I was the only one who didn't get invited to a classmate's bd party.
My own stupid expectations, I know, I know. The kind of thing I have advised others on this board not to let bother them. Guess I need to practice what I preach. thanks for letting me vent. I am supposed to see her this weekend and really needed to get this off my chest. Not going to bring up her party--it was her party and she has the right to invite whoever she wants. But it really hurts.
The first thing I would have done if I arrived and she was all dressed up for her date instead of moving furniture is tell her when she is ready to help let me know and I "might" have time to help.
Honestly it does not sound like she is your friend, she is your user and you keep allowing it so stop it.
Why allow some idiotic non friend's actions hurt your feelings? She has shown you more than once she is not your friend.
I haven't posted too many new things, as I have tried to take care of my own "stuff", not whine and have chosen to try and help others. I have been mainly going to God in prayer for things which do bother me.
Well....this is still bothering me so am going to go ahead and get it off my chest...
I have a friend who I have tried to be there for. She has so many personal problems and I have actually dropped things I needed to get done to be with her. She has called and there has been such a sense of urgency in her voice "I have to talk to someone", "Something has happened and I need to get this out, ", etc., are the "openings" she uses. I have met with her at least once, sometimes twice a week for well over a year. If I have any problems, I seldom share with her. She is pretty much into herself and her own world. That's okay. I go to God, my mom and I have a really good friend who I trust to talk to.
I have helped her move furniture because the people she did ask never contacted her back. She had to have two things which needed to be moved right. So a guy friend and I ended up doing it. These pieces were huge, awkward and were heavy! I am in my mid-50's and this woman is 10 years younger than me. I didn't mean that my guy friend and I would do the moving by ourselves--we offered to help. When we got to her place, she was in a nice dress and high heels and said she had a date after we finished. She watched us move the stuff from one floor to another and told us where it needed to go. I thought I was going to have a heart attack and I told myself while I was waiting to catch my breath, looking so nasty and sweat pouring off of me "Never Again!" as she stood there looking perfect, staring at me in her nice dress and made up face (LOL). I felt bad that I had enlisted the aid of a good male friend of mine to help. She was very appreciative and said that we were the only ones who were willing to help her. Anyway, I got myself into that and no one to blame but me. Still continued to be a good friend to her. She even told me I was one of the only people she could trust.
She has a 4th of July party every year. I was invited last year. This year--no invite. I know I should have brushed it off. She invited other common friends we have and that is how I found out. I am hurt and confused and it is going to be hard to meet with her and wondering why I was good enough to move her stupid sofas, and good enough to tell all her problems to, just not good enough to be invited to her party. I feel like a kid back in school when I was the only one who didn't get invited to a classmate's bd party.
My own stupid expectations, I know, I know. The kind of thing I have advised others on this board not to let bother them. Guess I need to practice what I preach. thanks for letting me vent. I am supposed to see her this weekend and really needed to get this off my chest. Not going to bring up her party--it was her party and she has the right to invite whoever she wants. But it really hurts.
She's not your friend. She only calls you when she needs you. Dump her and move on. She's a narcissistic assclown.
I did attend the party last year. I had a "friend" very similar to her (only interested in herself, not asking how I am, bragging on purchases/what paid for them). I had to stop being around her. Seems like I attract this kind. You all are so right. I don't really feel like this is what friendship is about. I have gone out of my way to be there for her, although I don't know if she or this other one would bother to pee on me if I was on fire.
Through your own actions, you have communicated to her that you are willing to let her take advantage of you and your kindness. She has simply obliged.
Time to change the message. "No" is a complete sentence.
Here is the really strange thing......I am not sure if I had of been invited if I would have even wanted to go this year. I had a good time last year being around the other people, although this woman hardly spoke to me--just at the beginning. So it is not like it is anything I really would have looked forward to going to had I been invited. So I think I am either really confused or a bit "off"--guess both!
Totally agree with all you posters have said. I accept full responsibility for not being able to say "no". I have just been way too nice for my own good.
I'm sorry that this happened to you. As others have said, that woman doesn't seem worthy of being called a friend. IDK how she can't be aware that she uses you and takes you for granted, although there are a lot of clueless people out there who don't seem to realize how poorly they treat others. It may be best to just let her fade out of your life. I do hope you'll find some new friends in the future who will appreciate you, because you seem like a nice person.
Thank you, Gfab1....I try to treat others kindly and be a good friend. And I would do almost anything (well--within reason) for a good friend. My heart aches when I hear sad things friends --and even strangers--are going through in their lives. I probably would have been good in therapy or some kind of social work--well then maybe not as I would probably be crying right along with the person sharing their problems. Just how I am.
Also, if someone shares something confidential with me I am very good about not spreading their words around. I have had to tell people talking about other friends of mine...."Well, I really cannot say anything about that as that person is a friend of mine." Unfortunately, I have not met very many people who are like me in that respect. I have male friends who don't feel the need to spread gossip about others. At least in front of me. The women I have known, I am afraid most of them seem to take pleasure in starting things about others and just mean spirited gossip. I try to make it clear from the get go (as soon as I see or feel that a friendship may be developing) that I do not tolerate gossip. I either walk away from it or tune it totally out.
(Sorry if I sound like I am bashing women. That is ridiculous as I am one of them....just my own experiences).
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