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I think you have to accept your parents for the insensitive people they are and decide if it is worth visiting them, or not! If you decide to go then don't harbor resentment towards them...enjoy your time with them. If you aren't able to set aside your hurt feelings just don't go. Perhaps you can reschedule the flight for a more convenient time for all parties.
I have to admit I would be pretty irritated if my parents did something like that. When I visit they can barely contain their excitement, stay up late, set aside all other plans and embrace my visit. It is what parents do. Even my friends do that for me...and of course I reciprocate to everyone.
You are assuming their financial situation is all that good. Maybe the parents are not doing as well as the kid thinks that they are doing. either that or they just do not like their kid anymore.
Can you get a refund? Maybe do it another time. I think I would not go this time around. Do something else cheaper, like go hiking or something like that.
I think I would rather spend my time and money doing something else. Cut back to only once every 18 months or so and they may change their tune. My son lives in Singapore and I would walk barefoot to the airport and carry him home on my back if that was the only way to see him. But I certainly understand eyesight problems and safety issues.
Hey, afoigrokerkok, many people work full time until their middle 60s or so. Both my husband and I are only 62 yet the eyesight for both of us has declined to the point that we prefer not to do significant driving at night. Errands and routine trips of 30 minutes or an hour or so aren't any problem but leaving home at or near bedtime for a 2 to 3 hour trip absolutely no way.
My daughter's last international flight was 2 1/2 hours late plus there was a long delay in customs and I was waiting for those 3 plus hours in the airport. It was during the day so it wasn't a problem. If the same thing happened to the OP, his parents may be waiting from the OP's scheduled arrival at 10:30 PM until 1:30 AM and then have an hour long drive home.
The OP hasn't said when they need to get up for work. I get up at 5:30 or 5:45 AM most days for work. If I got home at 2:30 AM and needed to get up at 5:30 AM and then put in a full day of work I would be totally exhausted.
Until the OP gives us more information we readers have no idea if the OP is being unreasonable or if the parents are being unreasonable or both.
I understand that and I apologize that my post came off as crass. My father is older than you and still works full time. He does still drive at night, but I understand that problems with night vision do happen even at middle age. In the winter, though, most people working full time have to drive home from work or even to work in the dark depending on location so I don't understand how those with night vision problems do it.
OTOH, the update from OP seems to confirm this isn't the issue.
I should also point out that I said they could also arrange for someone else to pick her up. Even if it was a taxi or other driver, my thought was that OP has spent far more money on airfare than that would cost and that OPs parents are probably better off financially than her.
I think I would rather spend my time and money doing something else. Cut back to only once every 18 months or so and they may change their tune. My son lives in Singapore and I would walk barefoot to the airport and carry him home on my back if that was the only way to see him.
Yes. I think that OP needs to have a major conversation with her parents before visiting at all. If she is seen as simply a burden, then she shouldn't waste her time and money. She may have to pay a change or cancellation fee, but can probably use some of the airfare at least for a flight to somewhere else.
I understand that and I apologize that my post came off as crass. My father is older than you and still works full time. He does still drive at night, but I understand that problems with night vision do happen even at middle age. In the winter, though, most people working full time have to drive home from work or even to work in the dark depending on location so I don't understand how those with night vision problems do it.
OTOH, the update from OP seems to confirm this isn't the issue.
I should also point out that I said they could also arrange for someone else to pick her up. Even if it was a taxi or other driver, my thought was that OP has spent far more money on airfare than that would cost and that OPs parents are probably better off financially than her.
There is a wide variation of night vision problems. In my case, I have only slight difficulty on the major, well light city streets near my house after dark so it isn't any problem driving to or from work (in my case I work in different schools ranging from 3 to 10 minutes from my house) or running errands on the very well lit streets in my neighborhood. Now, if I had a commute of 45 minutes or an hour or more on unlit country roads it may be a bit of a problem. Also, if I needed to travel in unfamiliar areas of the city where there are few if any street lights it would be larger problem (not really dangerous, but very tiring and I would have to be extra, extra careful and drive slower).
People with more severe night vision problems may have difficulty on all poorly lit city streets and on dark country roads. People with very severe night vision problems may be unable to safely drive between dusk and dawn at all.
Some people with night vision problems are "blinded" by the headlights of oncoming cars. They need to learn to momentarily glance away, when the approaching car is at a certain distance away from them, instead of staring right into the headlights. Adaptive techniques like that can help improve safe driving.
Just a little extra info for afoigrokerkok and others.
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To the OP. Thank you for the additional information. If your parents agreed that it was a good time to visit and now seem reluctant perhaps things have changed.
We had been looking forward to our son, DIL and new grandchild to visit at Christmas for months and months. However, I ended up in the hospital for a week the 2nd week in December and then had to have cataract surgery just a few days before they were due to arrive. It turned out fine, but many of the things that I had hoped to have prepared & ready just were not completed. Perhaps something similar happened to the OPs parents, extra duties at work, sudden health problems, unexpected expenses or other things. OP, talk to them and see if you still should come or visit at a different time.
Last edited by germaine2626; 04-04-2014 at 10:04 PM..
You've posted under at least two screennames and seem to have a lot of trouble with your bf and his parents too, which makes me think there's more to the story. It doesn't pass the smell test. You're another new poster who presents a problem, waits until people weigh in, then goes overboard to try to make your grievance seem air tight. Really, no family situation is ever as black-and-white as you present here. If it's really happening, there's a lot you're not telling us. I'd like to hear your parents' side.
Quote:
Originally Posted by expatlily2
My parents are both 51 years old, very healthy, don't even wear glasses, have an own and decent car and earn good money.
Of course I'm paying my own ticket and haven't asked them for money in many years.
I'm also a very considerate person always remember birthdays, buy gifts, call at least once a week, text with them on Facebook and haven't asked them for anything in years.
Both of them are familiar with the roads and the airport as they've gone there many times.
They live in Europe, the streets are good and the weather is good as well around this time. It's very safe as well.
I payed a lot for the flights to get there and visit them- Of course I can order a car service or stay in a hotel, but that means extra cost and I'm not rich. A car service to their house will cost me 150 US dollar (just checked it). I also asked my mom if it was different if I arrived at an earlier time and now she seemed to change her mind and says even then they woudn`t pick me up because it`s too expensive (Gas for that way will be around 40 Dollar, I even said I'll pay half of it. And as I said, my parents have good money, both work in well-paid full-time jobs, have an own house etc). Oh and I have no friend there who could pick me up.
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