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Tl;dr my parents won't let me have my boyfriends stay over yet my brothers girlfriend has moved in. Help me calm my anger issues that are occurring as a result of this
I'm female and live at home with my 2 younger brothers. I am the oldest, and when I was younger, my parents had a rule that I was not allowed to bring my boyfriends over to our house and they were certainly not allowed to stay the night in our house at all. They said it was inappropriate, they are traditional and are catholic. I respected their rule.
Fast forward to 2013 and my younger brother's girlfriend has started staying with us. My parents bend over backwards for this girl, and over the summer she kept extending her stay with us until she had been in our house for over a month. She has been back several times since and is now here and has been here for just over a week.
Whenever she is here it makes me inexplicably angry because of my parents double standards. I don't know what to do and it causes loads of arguments. I'd rather not move out because I can't afford it and things are great apart from this, so that isn't a solution. Even if I did leave, I'm generally close to my family and it would upset me very much when I came back to visit.
Their house, their rules. It's your choice to continuing living with them despite what you perceive as their bias. I don't really know what kind of advice or input you're seeking here.
Bottom line: their house; their rules.
Yes, it seems to be unfair (from what you said, which is not the whole story....), but there is not much you can do!
Doesn't surprise me, Catholics are messed up yo. No offense to anyone.
Uh, I see this post as: "I'm going to make a generalization about an entire group that is wrong, but no one should be offended by it." Okay.
Anyway, unfortunately you can't say much to them while you still live with them. I agree that it is hypocritical but the only solution would be to move out. Then you can do what you want and your parents can't say anything about it.
Edit: I just saw that you said you can't afford it. Sorry to hear it, but then you're going to have to find a way to handle it. If they don't see that it's unfair, there isn't going to be a way to convince them otherwise.
Your parents are hypocrites. And weirdly accommodating of your younger brother. Why on earth are they permitting this girl to stay with them? Is she paying rent?
But what are you gonna do? It's their house. And if everything else is great, this is a minor issue. I suspect your anger though might be the result of years of double standards rather than just this one item.
My uncle used to become furious when my female cousin would occasionally bring a steady boyfriend home for the evening, while my male cousin had a parade of one-night stands come through the house and only ever got an "atta boy." (Both cousins were over 18 at the time.) It was a positively moronic, if not grotesque, double standard.
Save your money and get out of the house as soon as you can. And file this knowledge about your parents in your brain so when you consult them for advice, you understand what their biases are.
Even though it's very inconsistent and seemingly unfair. Work on moving out and gaining independence. You're well past the age where you should be learning self sufficiency.
Maybe the issue is that you have boyfriendS whereas your brother seems to only have one steady relationship? Curious, what was their response when you asked them directly and calmly about the logic behind their inconsistency?
When I say boyfriends I literally mean 2. I think most people have had more than 1 partner between the ages of 16 and 23.
When I asked my dad he simply said it was because 'it's different because I'm a girl' and 'if the neighbours saw a guy coming out of our house with me they would think I'm a ****'.
To everyone who told me to simply move out, I was ill for over a year and didn't work. I'm still catching up on the debt from that year, and cannot afford to move on my current salary. I'm using this time to save for my future. Even if I did move, I would obviously still come back and visit and the fact that I am treated so differently would still hurt me.
Just scare your parents and tell them you heard your brothers say they have unprotected sex ALL the time. BAM gf can't stay over anymore
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