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I've got to disagree with all of the "their house, their rules" posters. I think that these rules are completely screwy. OP is an adult. Her brothers are being treated like adults, so she should be as well. Dictatorial parents don't work so well as their children become more mature. It's even worse that her younger brothers have more freedom to live in the house.
I do agree that this is something to discuss with the parents. They should know that their rules are hurtful. I would take it as a sign of great disrespect for the parents to enforce such a double-standard in favor of my younger siblings.
Your definition of adult and my definition of adult are very different. You look at the OP's age and say, "Oh, well, she's 22/23, she's an adult, and has earned respect." What -- because she has reached the ripe old age of 22/23? That's just the calendar. I find it interesting that you think that the OP's parents have to turn their values (odd and as paradoxical as they are) inside out in order to accommodate someone who is dependent on them for food, shelter and medical care.
Her brothers are not being treated as adults -- sex does not make you an adult. Her parents are taking the path of least resistance - that does not equate with respect. But her parents obviously embrace the ol' double-standard, as does most of society (there is no word equivalent for a man-*****.) Does it make it right? No. Here's where I am "dictatorial": My young adult children (early/mid-20's) know better than to even ASK if a friend of the opposite sex can spend the night in their bed when they lived at home between semesters and after graduation during internships, etc.. It never occurred to them to ask, no matter how much I may like their friend. They are welcome to stay overnight if they are visiting from out of town or if it is late/bad weather/etc. -- in the guest suite. Do I go around putting alarms on everyone's doors and sleeping at the top of the steps? No. Do I go bursting into bedrooms unannounced? No. That's where the mutual respect comes in. These are my values. This is my house. Personally, I think her parents are stupid for not enforcing their rule uniformly. But again -- that's THEIR choice. The OP is certainly old enough to make her own choices. If she feels trapped by circumstances, then I'm sorry. But that doesn't call on her parents to turn themselves inside out because SHE feels trapped and helpless.
I suspect that when their children start acting more mature (i.e., not screwing around with girlfriends, or supporting themselves independently), they'll get more respect from the parents.
This is the "offensive" post you found in this thread? I find it much more offensive how many people are saying it's okay that this double standard exists. I got news for you, folks, double standards like this are the reason so many women think so lowly of themselves.
Tl;dr my parents won't let me have my boyfriends stay over yet my brothers girlfriend has moved in. Help me calm my anger issues that are occurring as a result of this
I'm female and live at home with my 2 younger brothers. I am the oldest, and when I was younger, my parents had a rule that I was not allowed to bring my boyfriends over to our house and they were certainly not allowed to stay the night in our house at all. They said it was inappropriate, they are traditional and are catholic. I respected their rule.
Fast forward to 2013 and my younger brother's girlfriend has started staying with us. My parents bend over backwards for this girl, and over the summer she kept extending her stay with us until she had been in our house for over a month. She has been back several times since and is now here and has been here for just over a week.
Whenever she is here it makes me inexplicably angry because of my parents double standards. I don't know what to do and it causes loads of arguments. I'd rather not move out because I can't afford it and things are great apart from this, so that isn't a solution. Even if I did leave, I'm generally close to my family and it would upset me very much when I came back to visit.
I don't see why you let this consume you. When I was growing up, I had an earlier curfew than my brothers. I wasn't allowed to even date until I was 16, but they were. I wasn't allowed to have my boyfriends come over, but an older brother had his girlfriend over all the time, and she even became very good friends with the ol' parental units.
Whatever, just go to his house. Who cares. You're a girl, they are old school, that's how they see it. As others have said, "their house, their rules". You can get upset about it all the time and argue until you are blue in the face and make things miserable, even though they won't change that rule, or you can just deal with it and find other ways to hang out with your boyfriend, while keeping peace at home.
Jealousy is an ugly thing, and it only hurts you. Trust me, your anger about it isn't hurting anyone else.
This is the "offensive" post you found in this thread? I find it much more offensive how many people are saying it's okay that this double standard exists. I got news for you, folks, double standards like this are the reason so many women think so lowly of themselves.
Uh, no. As stated, the same "double standards" applied when I grew up and I do not think lowly of myself. The fact of the matter is, the slam on Catholics can be offensive to Catholics, so let's not try to candy coat garbage when we see it.
Putting "no offense" at the end does not negate what was just said. You really think that going up to someone and saying, "You're a big, fat, jerk loser.....no offense" means that what you just said was not rude/offensive to that person? Seriously, people.
Uh, no. As stated, the same "double standards" applied when I grew up and I do not think lowly of myself. The fact of the matter is, the slam on Catholics can be offensive to Catholics, so let's not try to candy coat garbage when we see it.
Putting "no offense" at the end does not negate what was just said. You really think that going up to someone and saying, "You're a big, fat, jerk loser.....no offense" means that what you just said was not rude/offensive to that person? Seriously, people.
Really who cares? Double standards can be offensive to people too and may cause them to think lowly of themselves or others. I think it is insulting that the OP's parents treat her in such a way and I understand that she is insulted. If you don't care about that category of people (ie the OP) why should anyone care if some religious people are offended if you insult their religion or even them as a group of people?
No guy will EVER stay over in my house in my daughters room. I dont care how old she is, NOT gonna happen.
Just thinking of what could be going on in my daughters room would drive me NUTS.
Put your self in your dads shoes for a minute.
NOT GONNA HAPPEN
NOT GONNA HAPPEN
If thinking about what happens in your son's room with someone else's daughter doesn't bother you I see no reason why your daughter should give any consequence to what you think on that matter. LOL perhaps if she put herself in your shoes she might not want any of her children to have sex. You never know...
Really who cares? Double standards can be offensive to people too and may cause them to think lowly of themselves or others. I think it is insulting that the OP's parents treat her in such a way and I understand that she is insulted. If you don't care about that category of people (ie the OP) why should anyone care if some religious people are offended if you insult their religion or even them as a group of people?
The OP is a grown woman who is acting like a little jealous child. She is well over age 18 when she could have moved out and gotten her own place.
It's normal for little kids to compare but part of growing up is putting all that childish sibling rivalry behind you. Nothing is stopping the OP from moving out and getting her own apartment or house and entertaining her men friends there.
I would think it would be very odd for a grown man doing sleep-overs at his girlfriends' parents' homes.
That's a lot of the problem -- the OP IS an adult and really should have her own place and she can set the rules for herself in her own place.
It's kind of weird I think for ADULT children to still complain about their parents' rules for their home.
Agreed. It's time for the OP to move out. The parent's stance might be an intentional push in the direction of independence.
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