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Saying no offense doesn't automatically eradicate the offensiveness of your post. Please don't throw out generalizations, I'm sure you're smarter than that
Nope, I'm a complete jackass.
Ok, not ALL Catholics. I know a guy who is Catholic and he's homosexual...wtf?! So no, not all Catholics. However, the teachings and rules of traditional Catholocism are effed up...at best. The very vast majority of us are faulty scum that are going to hell, and we need to be saved.
The double standard (as reported by the OP) is but a very light manifestation of that poor, dangerous, and fanciful rationale. Besides, it's not about God, it's about power, control, and $. Traditional Catholocism is not a nice or tolerant religion.
Here's the thing, I can't understandthe so many persons (like my gay friend) who twist and bastardize it to fit their own lifestyle. It's not Catholosicm anymore, it's Catholocism 2.0. That 2.0 makes it more palatable but it isn't the same religion anymore so would be called something other than Catholocism. The slight deviations that traditional roman Catholocism is taking recently is to try to stem the bleeding of Catholics leaving the church...because that means a loss of $. Much more to say of course but I guess that's enough.
And I do get that it's not all about a specific religion. This particular double standard can span across other sects of Christianiy and other faiths.
I don't think there is much the OP can do other than realize that it is what it is. Her parents are allowed to believe what they want and it's their house and their rules. After that realization she can go thought the stages of her emotions about it and then come out the other side hopefully better equipped to not be as upest about it as she is now. I would add that it's not personal, and I'm sure they love her and want the best for her. People are treated differently by other people and organizations their whole lives for many different reasons. It's much harder to control the actions of others rather than your own.
This is the "offensive" post you found in this thread? I find it much more offensive how many people are saying it's okay that this double standard exists. I got news for you, folks, double standards like this are the reason so many women think so lowly of themselves.
I don't think anyone is saying it's "okay" that the double standard exists. We're saying that like it or not, that's her parents' rules, and it's not likely they're going to change. She can accept it or she should work toward changing her situation so she's not subjected to it.
Why should boyfriends and girlfriends stay over at a parents house anyway? This would not ever fly when I lived at home and not something I would have considered. That's what is great about moving out.
I think there is more emotion behind this than just noticing that you parents seem to have a double-standard based on gender. Really, they seem to have abandoned their long-held belief about what is "appropriate" for this girl, you know, the one they "bend over backwards for."
The double standard isn't sexist, it's that another female has come into the picture and doesn't appear to have to abide by the same rules you were held to in order to have you parents favorable attention. You've probably always enjoyed a certain status being both the eldest and the only girl. Given that you're at an age where you will be moving out on your own soon, I wouldn't be surprised if what you are actually feeling is a little threatened.
What would help is to drop the argument over whether or not she should be there. The fact that you keeping putting yourself on the outs with you parents over this issue is only making your feelings worse. Instead of fighting about it, ask your mom to go shopping or something else you like to do together. If she says "great idea, let's invite the interloper too" tell her no, you'd rather have some quality time with mom. Do something with your dad - like a movie or dinner. Use the last of your time at home to establish a really healthy, adult relationship with your parents.
Ok, not ALL Catholics. I know a guy who is Catholic and he's homosexual...wtf?! So no, not all Catholics. However, the teachings and rules of traditional Catholocism are effed up...at best. The very vast majority of us are faulty scum that are going to hell, and we need to be saved.
The double standard (as reported by the OP) is but a very light manifestation of that poor, dangerous, and fanciful rationale. Besides, it's not about God, it's about power, control, and $. Traditional Catholocism is not a nice or tolerant religion.
Here's the thing, I can't understandthe so many persons (like my gay friend) who twist and bastardize it to fit their own lifestyle. It's not Catholosicm anymore, it's Catholocism 2.0. That 2.0 makes it more palatable but it isn't the same religion anymore so would be called something other than Catholocism. The slight deviations that traditional roman Catholocism is taking recently is to try to stem the bleeding of Catholics leaving the church...because that means a loss of $. Much more to say of course but I guess that's enough.
Catholicism*
The religion has little to do with the issues here. If they really followed their religion, they wouldn't allow the other girl to stay. It truly is a double standard and it really is hypocritical. I don't think anyone's saying that it's right. It's just that there's little the OP can do when she lives in the parents' house.
Dude, you usually make sense, but in this post you sound seriously confused and naive.
Strange girls are different? Less likely to be psychos? Maybe they're not gonna kill you with an axe, but there are just as many crazy women as their are violent women who would poke holes in the condom to trap your sons with a pregnancy or scream rape or abuse during an argument. I know because I've done the cleanup in the aftermath of women like that, and it ain't pretty.
And I'm not sure why you think it's so great that your sons are "deflowering" other men's daughters.
Seriously, this is one of the most messed-up posts on this thread.
It would appear that men don't mind facilitating other men (including their sons) deflowering women. But when it comes to a daughter who wants to have a male guest, dad's possessiveness and control tripping comes to the fore.
It's not really about them being sexist, it's about relaxing the rules after they're done raising the eldest child. I saw that with my parents...when I was in college, I had to be home by 10 every night, but my sister who was in high school was allowed to go to her boyfriend's house and watch movies as late as she wanted and she was totally honest that they were watching movies in his bed.
When I got married and we stayed at my parents house a couple nights, we weren't allowed to sleep in the same room. They had the same policy for my middle sister and her husband, but my youngest sister is allowed to bring her boyfriend for a visit and sleep in the same room with him.
I asked my parents once why they let my sister get away with so much more and they said they were just plain worn out from fighting all of us over the years and they'd given up, that we did what we wanted and still turned out okay and youngest sis would too.
Ok so I'm not the only one with parents like this, and I think this is what ruined what little social life I had. For me it was 20 questions before I set foot out the door, where are you going, what will you be doing, when are you going to be back...and this was in my 20s. But with my brother it polar opposite about what he could do, how long he could be out and his accountability. It drove me bat $h!t crazy. My parents cringed at the idea of me staying out all night with my girlfriend, or being home alone with her, but now my brother had his girlfriend move in and is living out of my parents basement.
Go stay at your boyfriend's house. Your parents apparently come from a patrilocal social structure, where women are expected to move in with the man. Most European societies, and by extension both North and South American societies, are patrilocal. They may not even realize how deeply ingrained the expectations are. If your family was matrilocal, it would be your boyfriend living in and your bother who would be pounding the pavement for sex.
Your parents will have a lot easier time accepting you moving in with your boyfriend than your boyfriend moving in with you. It's just how it is. Make your plans accordingly.
BTW, I don't envy your brother, having his bed mate and his mother in the same house. It's no accident that the Chinese character for trouble symbolizes two women under the same roof. It might be OK for a few weeks, but give it a year and the misery will appear.
Tl;dr my parents won't let me have my boyfriends stay over yet my brothers girlfriend has moved in. Help me calm my anger issues that are occurring as a result of this
I'm female and live at home with my 2 younger brothers. I am the oldest, and when I was younger, my parents had a rule that I was not allowed to bring my boyfriends over to our house and they were certainly not allowed to stay the night in our house at all. They said it was inappropriate, they are traditional and are catholic. I respected their rule.
Fast forward to 2013 and my younger brother's girlfriend has started staying with us. My parents bend over backwards for this girl, and over the summer she kept extending her stay with us until she had been in our house for over a month. She has been back several times since and is now here and has been here for just over a week.
Whenever she is here it makes me inexplicably angry because of my parents double standards. I don't know what to do and it causes loads of arguments. I'd rather not move out because I can't afford it and things are great apart from this, so that isn't a solution. Even if I did leave, I'm generally close to my family and it would upset me very much when I came back to visit.
No one can help you calm your anger, you alone have to do that.
You state you are 23 years old, assuming you are an actual mature adult start acting like an actual mature adult and discuss this with your parents and I mean discuss not scream and argue.
Your parents own that home and they are kind enough to allow you to live there at the age of 23.
Whatever rules they have for you should be respected unless/until you are willing to sacrifice the comfort of their home and move out on your own and make your own rules.
Is what appears to be a double standard fair? No but that is how it is so deal with it or move out.
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