Parents disowned me after I asked them to pay me back! (husband, dynamics)
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I'm not saying the OP should pay back her parents for everything. I'm saying that her parents loaning their daughter money for various things to help out (not necessities) like: helping to get a new car, helping to move out, helping to pay a late bill or two, etc. adds up over time.
OP, since you've been born up until now, your mother and father must've given you money or loaned you money for things other than what their responsibility entails and for gifts (other than clothes, food, school supplies, etc.).
If you missed a payment, if you were late on rent, if you needed money for veterinary expenses for your pet, medical expenses for your family, they ever gave you loans for college, to help you get a mortgage, ever helped you with your car lease... ANYTHING monetary your parent gave you when at that point it was YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to come up with the funds....was money lent to you by your parents as a "loan" and I'm pretty sure that if you added them up they'd equal more than the $6,000 they owed you.
Did your parents ever asked you to pay them back for the money they loaned you when they didn't have to because you were an adult at the time? Did they ever ask you to give them money back when you begged for ice cream from the ice cream truck as a little kid when you really didn't need icecream, but they got it because it made you happy? Chances are they didn't, and chances are when they helped you, instead of saving money for retirement they gave it to you with no qualms.
It was YOU that decided to dip into your child's college fund because you couldn't afford to help your mother. That act was noble, and at the same time really stupid because 90% of them time your parents wouldn't pay you back at all. Even I would know that! To expect your parents to pay back the $6,000 for a loan that you gave them, when they didn't expect you to pay back any of the money they loaned you... is hurtful and odd.
Frankly if it was me, I wouldn't dare ask for my money back. My own mother spent so much on me when she didn't have to, I reciprocated as much as I could but I haven't paid her back fully. We joke that I have an IOU when it comes to her. My mother too dipped into my brother and I's college fund to pay for my stepfather's van so he could start his business. Are we crazy enough to go "hey mom, can you give us back the $3000 you stole from us to pay for stepdad's van?". No! Mom already "paid back" and more in other ways over the years.
OP consider your money as "pay back" to your parents for all the times they helped you in your adult life with no qualms about getting their money back. It's gone.
And next time when you're lending someone money and you can't afford to out of your pocket but you have money in your equity, college fund, retirement fund, etc. It means you cannot afford to help, so don't lend them money!
Note: Unless it's a life or death situation, the above doesn't apply.
I'm not saying the parents shouldn't have to pay it back. They should at least try, as that is only the right thing to do.
But look at it from their angle: The OP then went on to pay for a cruise for them. They probably thought, "If she took us on this cruise, she must not need the money." And honestly? She must not have needed the money if she did that. I mean, who pays for an all-expenses-paid cruise for people who owe them money to begin with? Especially while trying to save for their own child's college? It makes no sense whatsoever, unless the OP is codependent or has some unhealthy need for parental approval, herself.
In which case, disowning the OP would be the very WORST thing the OP's parents could possibly have done to her.
I'm not saying the OP should pay back her parents for everything. I'm saying that her parents loaning their daughter money for various things to help out (not necessities) like: helping to get a new car, helping to move out, helping to pay a late bill or two, etc. adds up over time.
OP, since you've been born up until now, your mother and father must've given you money or loaned you money for things other than what their responsibility entails and for gifts (other than clothes, food, school supplies, etc.).
Bullcrap. ANYTHING given by parents to the OP up to the age of 18...the OP owes NOTHING for. Beyond that, the OP has not stated she EVER borrowed and did not pay back...ANYTHING from her parents, you are making an assumption that OP's parents DID at some point.
Quit trying to justify the OP's horrible parents!
Incidentally, my mom has a loan out against a life insurance policy of $1000 that my grandmother bought for me...and likewise one on the policy that belongs to my brother.
Those loans were taken when we were little kids, and have never been paid back, so the policies are basically useless to us - not that $1000 of life insurance is worth much, anyway, costs more to get cremated.
She keeps saying she needs to pay it back someday, and my brother and I have both told her not to worry about it.
My point: This is money that was borrowed THIRTY YEARS AGO...and my mom still feels an obligation to pay it back. and you want to let OP's parents off the hook after SIX?? No, I'm sorry, the OP's parents are truly horrible people.
I'm not saying the OP should pay back her parents for everything. I'm saying that her parents loaning their daughter money for various things to help out (not necessities) like: helping to get a new car, helping to move out, helping to pay a late bill or two, etc. adds up over time.
OP, since you've been born up until now, your mother and father must've given you money or loaned you money for things other than what their responsibility entails and for gifts (other than clothes, food, school supplies, etc.).
If you missed a payment, if you were late on rent, if you needed money for veterinary expenses for your pet, medical expenses for your family, they ever gave you loans for college, to help you get a mortgage, ever helped you with your car lease...ANYTHING monetary your parent gave you when at that point it was YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to come up with the funds....was money lent to you by your parents as a "loan" and I'm pretty sure that if you added them up they'd equal more than the $6,000 they owed you.
Did your parents ever asked you to pay them back for the money they loaned you when they didn't have to because you were an adult at the time? Did they ever ask you to give them money back when you begged for ice cream from the ice cream truck as a little kid when you really didn't need icecream, but they got it because it made you happy? Chances are they didn't, and chances are when they helped you, instead of saving money for retirement they gave it to you with no qualms.
It was YOU that decided to dip into your child's college fund because you couldn't afford to help your mother. That act was noble, and at the same time really stupid because 90% of them time your parents wouldn't pay you back at all. Even I would know that! To expect your parents to pay back the $6,000 for a loan that you gave them, when they didn't expect you to pay back any of the money they loaned you... is hurtful and odd.
Frankly if it was me, I wouldn't dare ask for my money back. My own mother spent so much on me when she didn't have to, I reciprocated as much as I could but I haven't paid her back fully. We joke that I have an IOU when it comes to her. My mother too dipped into my brother and I's college fund to pay for my stepfather's van so he could start his business. Are we crazy enough to go "hey mom, can you give us back the $3000 you stole from us to pay for stepdad's van?". No! Mom already "paid back" and more in other ways over the years.
OP consider your money as "pay back" to your parents for all the times they helped you in your adult life with no qualms about getting their money back. It's gone.
And next time when you're lending someone money and you can't afford to out of your pocket but you have money in your equity, college fund, retirement fund, etc. It means you cannot afford to help, so don't lend them money!
Note: Unless it's a life or death situation, the above doesn't apply.
Why on earth would you assume these parents did any of the bolded?
Considering their ages, I'd just consider it a gift and forget it. Better that than to further damage the relationship. You may not have them for that much longer and when that happens, you are going to feel bad when you look back that you made a big deal out of something so petty. I know it's $5000, but it's not worth killing the relationship. You are right. You loaned them the money and they should pay it back. But do you want to demand it back and not have a relationship with your parents? I would graciously forgive the debt and not mention it again if it were me. If your dad is 68 and is still working, I'm guessing they don't have money to spare. And you said you wanted to discuss paying $5 to $20 a week. It sounds like you just want them to pay SOMETHING to make the point that they still owe you. What good does that amount do?
If they were 20 years younger that would be different. But 68 and still working? I'm guessing they can't afford to retire yet and he is still working because he has to.
Considering their ages, I'd just consider it a gift and forget it. Better that than to further damage the relationship. You may not have them for that much longer and when that happens, you are going to feel bad when you look back that you made a big deal out of something so petty. I know it's $5000, but it's not worth killing the relationship. You are right. You loaned them the money and they should pay it back. But do you want to demand it back and not have a relationship with your parents? I would graciously forgive the debt and not mention it again if it were me. If your dad is 68 and is still working, I'm guessing they don't have money to spare. And you said you wanted to discuss paying $5 to $20 a week. It sounds like you just want them to pay SOMETHING to make the point that they still owe you. What good does that amount do?
If they were 20 years younger that would be different. But 68 and still working? I'm guessing they can't afford to retire yet and he is still working because he has to.
Because of the OP's mother and her obvious gambling addiction.
She could quit going to the casino and give the OP the amount she would otherwise have dropped at the casino every week - and if she were a decent person, she would.
I mean, we are talking funds that are for her GRANDCHILD'S education!!
I fshe feels okay about dumping money every week at the casino, forcing her retirement-age hubby to work...and feels no problem with dumping gobs of money at the casino that could instead be used to repay the debt that would go back into her grandchild's education fund...then she is a truly selfish and horrible person.
IMNSHO, the OP is better off cutting THEM off. and then, when they come crawling back, because they need more money...then ram it in their faces as hard as possible..."What?? I thought you cut me off and disowned me? And now you come crawling because you want more money to blow at the casino?? Wait!! WHO are you, again??"
I'm serious. And then I would absolutely relish the pain caused in the selfish creep.
Some people never learn their lesson.
I mentioned, earlier, that my mom is into both my brother and me for the amount of loans taken on our life insurance policies. But MY MOM is not blowing wads at the casino every week! THAT, right there, is the deciding factor in my mind.
If the OP's parents truly could not afford it, were truly living hand-to-mouth....AND the OP's mom was not blowing wads every week at the casino, I, too, would tell the OP to forgive. But not in this case!
Hmmmm, they may say they have 'disowned' you, but it sounds more like a childish threat than an actual "we contacted the lawyer and changed our will" event.
They will think twice about 'disowning' as soon as they need you for something. They'll call.
In your place I would probably just pretend I didn't hear this 'rumor' and proceed normally. Mom clearly said this to other family members with the intention of it getting back to you so she could avoid confrontation. Don't let her get away with being passive aggressive.
Remind her that the money was for her grandson's college expenses and make it about his needs instead of yours or your parents.
I would never loan my mom money. If she wants or needs it and I have it, it's hers. Same for my dad and he wasn't even there for me growing up.
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They probably thought, "If she took us on this cruise, she must not need the money." And honestly? She must not have needed the money if she did that. I mean, who pays for an all-expenses-paid cruise for people who owe them money to begin with? Especially while trying to save for their own child's college? It makes no sense whatsoever, unless the OP is codependent or has some unhealthy need for parental approval, herself.
