Do you know people who gossip about total strangers? (children, grandmother, conversation)
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I would not go so far as to say they have no life. It's a way on including you in her life. My grandmother used to do it all the time. My mom and I used to joke that we knew more about "Lois the neighbor" than about Grandmother herself.
It's just something to talk about. No big deal. Tolerate it and be glad you can stand to be in the same room together. Besides, she could be talking about politics you despise, or, like my Dad, TV shows he loves but I never watch.
At least gossip is usually interesting. There's not much more boring than listening to the extensive retelling of a "Dexter" plot if you've NEVER SEEN ONE EPISODE!
Perhaps it a safe way of living. Being involved at arms length/emotional length as well.
For sure "some" levels of gossip are harmful as well as hurtful; which, I believe, they are meant to be from the get go. This talk your Mother seems to be sounds more like airing out the things she's heard and looking for another who knows about as much as she does about the persons/situations.
Possibly this kind of "talking" gives her brain a certain level of activity that is absent in her "personal/daily" life. The kids are grown and not much to talk about on a day to day basis.
I don't see any harm here as long as it is as you say. It may be boring to you and that's as well. But to her maybe she finds these things far fetched, it is a very different world we live in then the one she had at your age....
I would not go so far as to say they have no life. It's a way on including you in her life. My grandmother used to do it all the time. My mom and I used to joke that we knew more about "Lois the neighbor" than about Grandmother herself.
It's just something to talk about. No big deal. Tolerate it and be glad you can stand to be in the same room together. Besides, she could be talking about politics you despise, or, like my Dad, TV shows he loves but I never watch.
At least gossip is usually interesting. There's not much more boring than listening to the extensive retelling of a "Dexter" plot if you've NEVER SEEN ONE EPISODE!
True, there's definitely a difference between neighbors/family members who talk about each other than coworkers, who can unwittingly spread something that could affect someone's job or other coworkers' perception of that person. When my family talks about me, I just roll my eyes.
Why not change the subject? Bring up something else and ask mom about it. (ex. "So are Bill and Sally coming to the party? Sally's got a great sweet potato recipe. Have you ever had her sweet potatoes?") Do it every time she starts in and eventually she will either "get it" or ask you why you keep changing the subject. If she asks, this is your opportunity to say that gossipy stories about other people are boring to you and you'd much rather talk about something you can relate to.
I have done with this others. I try not to talk about other people, and most of us do talk about others time to time.
.... However, when someone is somewhat nosy or invasive about it, now that is another matter. Oh yea, <sigh>, and my mother is like yours, TracySam. She wants to go into all this excruciating detail about people I don't know and I'd rather not hear any of it. Often, when she goes on and on about their lives in minutae, I try to change the subject, but my Mom is a talker who does not listen to most of what I have to say. I would label such a person a huge gossiper.
Yes, I tried multiple times to change the subject, and give subtle hints about the subject not being interesting to me. I'm pretty sure this is why holidays involve a lot of alcohol.
Why not change the subject? Bring up something else and ask mom about it. (ex. "So are Bill and Sally coming to the party? Sally's got a great sweet potato recipe. Have you ever had her sweet potatoes?") Do it every time she starts in and eventually she will either "get it" or ask you why you keep changing the subject. If she asks, this is your opportunity to say that gossipy stories about other people are boring to you and you'd much rather talk about something you can relate to.
My sister, who lives in another state, talks at family gatherings about people she knows as if the rest of us know them. What's worse, they aren't always people. One time she was going on about Grace, who she seemed to know from work, and how Grace was always cranky and mean to her in the in the morning but then became progressively more pleasant as the day went on and got very excited when dinner time was nearing. It took a little while and a little more conversation to realize that Grace was a horse. My sister was working at a stable at the time.
But she still talks about people the rest of the family has never met as if we know who they are. She never starts with "Billy, my neighbor...", just "Billy was screwing around on his wife and she threw him out so now he wants to stay with us." Who is Billy? And why do I care?
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