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Hi, I just wanted to get some perspective on this, I am not really good with awkward situations like this, but here it goes...
I don't really have family I can depend on and I have pretty much cut them out of my life for things that they have done to me and others. I basically stopped their abuse. My roommate knows the whole story about them. Well last year, my roommate invited me to his aunt's for thanksgiving and christmas dinner. It was nice. So I went to labor dinner over there as well this year, and his aunt made the remark of "We should just adopt you", which was nice of her to say.
Well back to my roomie, he's a guy guy, so he doesn't really talk unless he has to and he's very stoic. I waited and waited and waited, no invite. At this point, I don't know if he just assumed that I was going or what. I know this holiday is supposed to be for family, but my family is extremely selfish and childish and they only think about themselves and no one else. I didn't know if I was supposed to say something. So tonight, I sucked it up and just asked if I was going to go with him when he went to his aunt's for thanksgiving this year. He said, "If you want to. Well wth does that mean? Do you want me to go or not? I told him that I didn't want to impose and in my mind, I was always taught that you have to wait for someone to invite you to events like this and you should just never ask to go...so now I am confused and kinda hurt. I am not technically family, and he doesn't consider me family, although we are good friends and I don't know if he just assumed that I was going or what. So should I still go? I mean I kinda feel like I just invited myself now and I feel awful.
Hard to know without knowing him. He may have just assumed you are going and didn't put out an official invitation. He may show up alone, come back and say "The family wondered where you were and why you didn't come." After the Thanksgiving invitation last year - exactly how did he extend the second one? ....and the Labor Day one?
Hard to know without knowing him. He may have just assumed you are going and didn't put out an official invitation. He may show up alone, come back and say "The family wondered where you are and why you didn't come." After the Thanksgiving invitation last year - exactly how did he extend the second one?
Hmm, I forgot, I think he asked...but hes the quiet, type..like he talks only when he has to.
As long as the previous three events went well enough, why not go again? Or just stay home and do whatever you want without giving a second thought to the entire silly holiday. Your call either way; as long as you are convinced you won't attend your family function, then you have no obligations otherwise.
Personally, I wouldn't go. Seeing as he asked the previous years and didn't this time around, and he doesn't sound overly enthusiastic about it. He'll probably tell his aunt that he did tell you to come if you wanted to and she'll assume you didn't want to. But it's not as though she's going to be upset over it or anything. Like the above poster said, don't give the day a second thought - it is just another day and will be over soon enough and forgotten.
Since your roommate doesn't share much personal information with you, or even mention an invitation, it is possible that his family is having difficulties of some kind right now (a pending divorce, a teenage child in trouble, an illness?). They may not be in the mood for company if this is the case. I hate to suggest that you eat Thanksgiving dinner alone, it hurts me because I have a family situation like yours, but when it comes time to get ready for dinner tomorrow, if your roommate does not insist you come with, consider heading over to the Greenville Rescue Mission, to the back door, with a few cans of vegetables or a turkey. They will put you right to work serving Greenville's disadvantaged, and you will meet the best folks in Greenville working beside you. It's a blast, it's life changing, and you will never again wonder what to do on a holiday.
Tough situation. I would usually say don't go and just plan on going out to eat yourself or making something at home for yourself (which I did when I was alone and single). But this is different in the sense that your other visits went well and this roomate hardly says anything. Maybe what might be good to do is to go and see how it goes. If the day goes well then you know everything is fine so when Christmas comes you won't go through this again.
Since your roommate doesn't share much personal information with you, or even mention an invitation, it is possible that his family is having difficulties of some kind right now (a pending divorce, a teenage child in trouble, an illness?). They may not be in the mood for company if this is the case. I hate to suggest that you eat Thanksgiving dinner alone, it hurts me because I have a family situation like yours, but when it comes time to get ready for dinner tomorrow, if your roommate does not insist you come with, consider heading over to the Greenville Rescue Mission, to the back door, with a few cans of vegetables or a turkey. They will put you right to work serving Greenville's disadvantaged, and you will meet the best folks in Greenville working beside you. It's a blast, it's life changing, and you will never again wonder what to do on a holiday.
I have no idea where greensville is?
Quote:
Originally Posted by brokencrayola
Tough situation. I would usually say don't go and just plan on going out to eat yourself or making something at home for yourself (which I did when I was alone and single). But this is different in the sense that your other visits went well and this roomate hardly says anything. Maybe what might be good to do is to go and see how it goes. If the day goes well then you know everything is fine so when Christmas comes you won't go through this again.
Yeah that's what I think, he is just a quiet guy all the time so that is not out of the ordinary, but he invited me the first few times...i just didn't know if he just assumed I would just go or what lol. But yeah,I might just try it out like you said and if it works great and if it doesn't well then I know for next time. Thanks.
I'm on the fence with this one but then I'm rather "old school" in that I wouldn't go if I didn't have a specific invitation, even if it was just a very casual, "come on over". Then I would call the host and ask if he/she would like me to bring anything just to confirm.
Your friend may be a man of few words but, for what it's worth, you really should have asked him to be more specific. An "if you want to" wouldn't make me feel very welcome! Enjoy your day whatever you decide to do.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackscorpion
Hi, I just wanted to get some perspective on this, I am not really good with awkward situations like this, but here it goes...
I don't really have family I can depend on and I have pretty much cut them out of my life for things that they have done to me and others. I basically stopped their abuse. My roommate knows the whole story about them. Well last year, my roommate invited me to his aunt's for thanksgiving and christmas dinner. It was nice. So I went to labor dinner over there as well this year, and his aunt made the remark of "We should just adopt you", which was nice of her to say.
Well back to my roomie, he's a guy guy, so he doesn't really talk unless he has to and he's very stoic. I waited and waited and waited, no invite. At this point, I don't know if he just assumed that I was going or what. I know this holiday is supposed to be for family, but my family is extremely selfish and childish and they only think about themselves and no one else. I didn't know if I was supposed to say something. So tonight, I sucked it up and just asked if I was going to go with him when he went to his aunt's for thanksgiving this year. He said, "If you want to. Well wth does that mean? Do you want me to go or not? I told him that I didn't want to impose and in my mind, I was always taught that you have to wait for someone to invite you to events like this and you should just never ask to go...so now I am confused and kinda hurt. I am not technically family, and he doesn't consider me family, although we are good friends and I don't know if he just assumed that I was going or what. So should I still go? I mean I kinda feel like I just invited myself now and I feel awful.
"If you want to" does not sound like an invitation to me.
I'm sorry to say that, because it sounds as though you had a nice time.
Perhaps your room mate became jealous about the warmth and affection that his family was starting to show you. I've heard of this happening.
Thanksgiving is not only for family. Friends are frequent guests at our table. That said, holidays can be brutal on those with out blood relations.
I'd let this go and follow the obvious will of your friend, difficult as that is.
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