Awkward lunch at work (person, gossip, introvert, personality)

[angrymillionaire]

I started working in a different department with new people & I find the new boss pushy. She comes to my office to get me for lunch and sits with us.

Today I finished work early & she said she wanted to discuss things with me. That was at lunch time so SHE FORCED me to go to lunch with her because she could not discuss things on an empty stomach. . In short, I was done but she would resume working after lunch. So when she asked me if I wanted to eat anything I said I was okay & she kept pushing. So I said I would get myself a coffee & she offered to pay for it, to my dismay. I hate to be forced to thank people for such trivial things as a looney worth of coffee, too much trouble for nothing.

Next Tuesday she mentioned discussing things over lunch with her & pretty much TOLD me I''m to lunch with her.

I want to keep her at arms length she gossiped about all the other rejected candidates after she hired me. So I do not trust her

During lunch time, I rather eat my own home made sandwich, for health reasons & I hate spending money unnecessarily. I noticed she even has dessert during lunch. I never saw anyone have a 3 course meal at a cafeteria before.

I do not want to lunch with the big boss or anyone else. As a rule, I prefer to walk around during lunchtime or if I have a good friend eat with them. Or just call the SO & the step son.

This company lunch feels forced & uncomfortable. I don't know how to avoid it diplomatically?

[GoodSchoolols]

If she wants to have lunch with you at say, 12:00 eat your lunch at your desk at 11:30, or whatever time you need to finish your lunch...or eat at your desk at 1:15 after her lunch meeting. That way, it is a meeting and you don't have to eat.

[cindersslipper]

the only awkward thing about that lunch is YOU.

[30to66at55]

Just tell her your not hungry and have some plans for your lunch break.

[LoveWisdom]

I would say that she is hitting on you and won't take no for an answer. I don't think there is a polite way to refuse. You just have to refuse. And then she may find a cause to fire you.

If there is a human resource dept (a person responsible for handling employee relations and stuff like that) then you should talk to them about it and ask for advice. Otherwise, I don't see anything else to do. You may have been hired in the first place because she liked you "a bit too much".

[katie45]

I always preferred to eat lunch alone and use that time to relax and recharge for the afternoon's workload.

Some people are very sociable and don't want to eat alone; it's too bad when they force themselves on others. Maybe she's long since worn out her welcome with the rest of the department so decided to ponce on the new kid on the block.

As far as how to get her out of your hair? That's a toughie because the last thing you want to do is start off on the wrong foot; and from what you've written, she's probably very insecure and sensitive and it would count against you.

Other than saying you have to run an errand, I'm not sure what to do with her clinging ways - and that would just be a band-aid solution.

[Kibbiekat]

I would probably say "thanks, but I brought lunch from home" or take your lunch and leave a few minutes before noon. You should probably go sometimes, but I don't think you should feel obligated to go every time.

[foma]

Man, you sound like a buzz kill! However, I do understand what you mean about wanting to eat in peace. I'm the same way.

You don't want to get on her bad side so you will definitely have to do this diplomatically. The whole have your lunch before she comes is a good plan. You can also say that you have work you want to get done.

Thing is, you're probably going to have to have lunch with her occasionally since she sounds like the social type. Suck it up if she can further your career. You have to play the game sometimes. Have a positive attitude about it. You can keep her at arms length and still be friendly. You said it's cafeteria style so maybe you can bring your brown bag with you while she orders? That will at least save you money.

Bottom line is, it's better that she wants to have lunch with you than have nothing to do with you. She is your superviser/boss afterall.

[lizzyst]

Sometimes you just have to play the game with a supervisor who has a different personality. As an introvert, I understand about needing lunch time to recharge. I had the same experience with a new boss who insisted she wanted to "get to know me" over lunch, but told me her entire life history during our 30-minute lunch. Fortunately, her life story was interesting! She later wanted to go bike riding with me after work, etc. We were the same age and I think she did just need a friend. I just kept making excuses and she didn't push it. To me, it was awkward to have a direct supervisor who was also trying to make me her friend.

[Dayton Sux]

I find office lunches awkward, period.

This working lunch with your boss as a one-on-one thing isn't so bad though. I could deal with that. I agree with you about bringing yr own lunch (that is what I do). The money/health issue could be dealt with by ordering just a salad and iced tea.

@@@@

For me the awkward lunch is the group lunch or monthly office lunch.

I avoided those.

I took naps during lunch, quick cat-nap type naps, but they helped me get through the day. It was understood that I took these, so when the monthly "birthday" lunch came up (my work group had the prerson who's birthday was that month pick the lunch spot) I skipped those saying I needed my nap. People were sort of pissed off but no pressure. The exception to that was the bosses birthday, as it would be bad form to skip that particular month.


I had nothing in common with my coworkers. I was gay and in the closet so there was nothing to say to them or share with them. I wasnt into sports and didnt have (still dont) a TV, nor watch the movies they watched (European'indy films for me/Transformers style action adventure for them), no family to talk about, so zero common ground for small talk.

So when these lunches came around, here I was, picking at my salad, sipping an iced tea, counting the croutons, desultory chatting with co-workers (always tried to find the end of the table) waiting for the ordeal to be over.