Awkward lunch at work (member, Christmas, neighbors, business)
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Not everybody is social and able to present themselves well on semi casual lunch. Let's not forget, it is not a friend-to-friend conversation, where you can just blur out what you think. You always have to be cautious what you say and maybe for OP, this is too much.
I never go to lunches with other people, I rather want to seem mysterious as compared to awkward. When I am in situations where I don't feel fully comfortable, I start acting weird. This would have consequences on my job. Plus, you spend all day with these people anyway and have to have the workmood turned on. Lunchtime is reboot time and time away IMO.
Different story if you plan on getting promoted ...
I used to be more socially awkward, but I think age has made me have more of a "what the heck" attitude. Maybe this is something you will grow into (not sure about your age).
I just feel sad for you because I know a guy like you. He is one of the best at his job but ALWAYS turns down the social invites from management and I'm sure that's why he never gets the promotions. It isn't fair, but I guess that's the corporate game...
I would ask for a quick meeting on her time. I would put it on the table. Just say that you feel your lunch is your time to decompress and recharge for the second half of the day and the way you personally do this is to have lunch by yourself. You feel more stress by these 'lunches with the boss' and unless there is a specific work reason, your personal boundaries are that work time is their time, and lunch time is your time. You like to keep that boundary and unless there is a mandatory company function, you are declining any further invites. Sometimes people just need to have you state it in black and white to accept it.
Be warned as others have said, this could give you a 'cold fish' reputation that could block any advancement plans you may have.
Not everybody is social and able to present themselves well on semi casual lunch. Let's not forget, it is not a friend-to-friend conversation, where you can just blur out what you think. You always have to be cautious what you say and maybe for OP, this is too much.
I never go to lunches with other people, I rather want to seem mysterious as compared to awkward. When I am in situations where I don't feel fully comfortable, I start acting weird. This would have consequences on my job. Plus, you spend all day with these people anyway and have to have the workmood turned on. Lunchtime is reboot time and time away IMO.
Different story if you plan on getting promoted ...
I'm sorry but this is not A Lunch, this is lunch. In the cafeteria.
If a grown man cannot prepare himself adequately for this insignificant event, he really has no place working in an office with other people, at all.
Ironic that you talk about this person gossiping, yet here you are..
You should be able to say "no thanks" to a lunch request. If this person is going to burn you down for that, they eventually do it for something else. Also, I don't see what is so shocking about getting desert at lunch. I often go to the cafeteria and get meatloaf with mashed potatoes and a cookie. I guess I'm a freak in your eyes.
Your boss is looking for an ally. My guess would be that her position is on shaky ground or at least she feels it is, maybe out of insecurity. A less than forthright person might use such a situation to her advantage.
Just saying.....
I started working in a different department with new people & I find the new boss pushy. She comes to my office to get me for lunch and sits with us.
Today I finished work early & she said she wanted to discuss things with me. That was at lunch time so SHE FORCED me to go to lunch with her because she could not discuss things on an empty stomach. . In short, I was done but she would resume working after lunch. So when she asked me if I wanted to eat anything I said I was okay & she kept pushing. So I said I would get myself a coffee & she offered to pay for it, to my dismay. I hate to be forced to thank people for such trivial things as a looney worth of coffee, too much trouble for nothing.
Next Tuesday she mentioned discussing things over lunch with her & pretty much TOLD me I''m to lunch with her.
I want to keep her at arms length she gossiped about all the other rejected candidates after she hired me. So I do not trust her
During lunch time, I rather eat my own home made sandwich, for health reasons & I hate spending money unnecessarily. I noticed she even has dessert during lunch. I never saw anyone have a 3 course meal at a cafeteria before.
I do not want to lunch with the big boss or anyone else. As a rule, I prefer to walk around during lunchtime or if I have a good friend eat with them. Or just call the SO & the step son.
This company lunch feels forced & uncomfortable. I don't know how to avoid it diplomatically?
I think this is something companies need to keep an eye on and discourage. Unless you are getting paid for your lunch time, she is taking advantage of you. I used to enjoy my lunch alone. Being a working mother, this was my only quiet time of the day. The very last thing I wanted to do was eat with fellow workers. Lunches with these people always seemed to feel like work. Give me a good book, good food and time alone any day.
I would say that she is hitting on you and won't take no for an answer. I don't think there is a polite way to refuse. You just have to refuse. And then she may find a cause to fire you.
If there is a human resource dept (a person responsible for handling employee relations and stuff like that) then you should talk to them about it and ask for advice. Otherwise, I don't see anything else to do. You may have been hired in the first place because she liked you "a bit too much".
Probably not the real issue here. It sounds like a social anxiety disorder. There are medications for that. Have you thought about talking to a therapist AM? I know some people with the problem and it can be overwhelming. Sometimes these things just work themselves out with time and becoming familiar with every one involved. All the best to you.
Your problem is not the lunches, its the fact that you will never have secure employment if you faked your resume. They can come back years later and fire you for dishonesty. I fired someone who was dumb enough to have turned in two different resumes. Do whatever you want about the lunch but start looking you actually qualify for.
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. In short, I was done but she would resume working after lunch
