Hm... a few thoughts after reading about 15-20 of these replies. *I* am one who either a) talks a LOT, or b) doesn't say much at all. It is interesting to read the perspective/context into which most of the replies are stated.
Interestingly, one of my "fantasies" is to meet someone to whom I was not required to share so much of my personal life when I choose to remain private. Funny thing is ... when I decline to answer specific personal questions or say reply, "That's private," I am criticized with "you're being secretive," or "what are you hiding?", and the like. Ppl cannot seem to understand the meaning of "private". I tell them I should have been a movie star - then they would seem to "get" (as they do with others) that I "only want (my) privacy," and they seem to get it in those circumstances.
But this is a chat about those who chat and who chat a LOT! I am one of those, so permit me to provide a few perspectives from the "other" side...
1. When someone asks, "How are things going?" I tell them! From my perspective, I'm sharing what's going on in my life just as I'd want to hear of their lives. I value my relationships, and as at least one person also noted, to hear a two- to four-word reply, "I'm fine" or "Great! How are you?!" is somewhat of a disappointment. And then when you ask more, but they continue to reply in short answers but then criticize you for being detailed, it doesn't seem to make sense. Why ask if you really don't care? And if you really cared, why not ask in a way that doesn't lead to additional details? For those of us who are whole-hearted about what we do in life, we put our "whole selves in" - and generally wish most ppl would do the same. We'd actually talk less, if you'd talk more!
2. For those who say a person takes one word and zooms off talking about themselves as being selfish.... have you ever considered that they may be simply attempting to identify with you and something that connects the two of you together? For those of us who are detail-oriented, for some of us it is simply how we are wired. Just as some of you are wired to be more quiet. So why can you not extend us a bit of grace and assign us a positive perspective instead of a negative one? Perhaps we are simply just drawn to a "magnet" or other identifying word you used which elicits a memory for us. And once we "hear" that, we simply process those thoughts vebally. (And some of us - many - also write ...)
While some truly are selfish, I'd challenge you - the next time you feel a "Talker" is running with those single words you've spoken... try waiting for a minute, then also jumping back into the conversation with something upbeat like, "Hey! Cool! That's the same for me... " (blah, blah, blah) and begin to share again what you were saying in the first place. I'm guessing the person will either ping pong with you back and forth, energy rising, or after a few of these verbal exchanges, they will sit and listen to you. Consider it a transfer of energy - instead of them being selfish... that they are actually so focused on *you* that they have "hung" their words and the energy from that - on the very essence of your's!
3. Some of us are simply geniuses.
And when we get bombarded with all the thoughts and ideas running through our minds, we simply *have* to get them out! If we are alone, we might simply write, but when we have an audience, we will most certainly talk them out... the same as working out any *other* kind of energy we accumulate within our bodies, minds, & spirits... Just listen. If you intently listen rather than block us out, then we will soon realize it's more than you can handle. Just imagine having all *we* are thinking in *your* heads! For those quieter folks, not that we think you are empty-minded, but really - what *are* you ever thinking???
We want to know! (Except those who are truly selfish and/or arrogant.) It's interesting to us. Just like these types of chat boards... which is why you find a lot of us here - all hours of the day and night. Those of you who are quieter, do you read? Where do you think all those thoughts originated? ... In some busy-minded person's brain! But instead of verbal expressions, the thoughts were communicated via writing (still expressive, actually, but simply written over being verbal).
4. Some of us by profession are in the customer-service industry and listen to folks talk all day - or are selling someone a product or service using a repetitive cycle of words. Any parents out there? Do you ever feel like you're going nuts to hear your four (or less) year old asking, "Why?" "But why, Mom?" "But why?" "When?" "How come?" "When?" "Why?" "When?" "But how come?" "How much longer?" "Why?!" (You get my drift...!) Some of you could go nuts just wanting to hearing something different - anything! So, when we get on the phone with our friends/family, it is like we have been wound all day and are now just ready to unwind! All that energy literally recycling out as it went in... and what if that energy was negative? Then that is what will come out... garbage in, garbage out. It happens even to the "best" of us!
Just listen to us - and if you get to the point of going nuts on *us*, just get in there and cut us off! We most likely won't mind! We might even thank you! Whew! Something like, "Wow! Sound like you had a mind-boggling day!" And we can volley back, "Yeah - it was!" Then you cut back in - "Well, how about let's get something to eat!" OR... "Hey, on *that* note, I've got to go before *I* spin out!" Chances are, the person also needs to go and has just been "putting their whole selves in to what they value as a significant relationship - the one they have with *you*.
5. Have you considered that those who are more chatty might actually be *respecting* you to speak up if you had something to say? And if you don't, then they might accept that as your own take on wanting to keep whatever's going on in your *own* life as private? Quite a different take, eh?! I always figure if there's something I want to know, I'll ask. And if there's something someone wants to tell me, they will. I aim to respect another's privacy just as I'd wish my own to be respected... so when I hear you answer in 2- or 3-word replies, I'm not assuming you are trying to "give hints" as much as that, for whatever reason, you simply are not wanting or able to share what's going on in more detail regarding a particular topic or in your life.
Hm... how much simpler it would be if everyone had the same perspectives or gave others the benefit of any doubt or criticism they might be having? OR what if they went a step further and simply spoke truthfully from the heart....
"Hey... you know what? When we chat, and I ask you how you're doing... I'm generally just making conversation at the end of a long day and not really at a point in my day that I'm really expecting you to give me a full run-down of your's. But you *are* important to me, and I do want to hear what's going on in your life, so how about if we chat on Thursday - I've got some time then, and we can both get caught up!"
6. I had an acquaintance who, every time we got on the phone she'd say right off the bat, (mind you - with *her* calling *me*), "I don't have long!" She'd ask how I was doing, then cut me off telling me she didn't have time, then I'd say, "Okay - we can talk later," then she'd go into a long detailed example of how *her* day was going and not stop! It felt more like, I don't have time for *your* thoughts - I really just called to talk about mine! Now... if she said, "Hey, I called to ask what you think about something..." then I could have been prepared to listen.
When you ask someone something, be prepared to listen. If you want someone to listen to you, then let them know you have something to say! Otherwise, if you cut a detailed person off (esp. if you do so consistently), they may eventually take that as an overt "hint" that you are simply don't care. A bit more conveying of one being "rude" than simply saying, "Hey, I'd love to talk, but the baby is crying, and I've got to get dinner in the oven before John gets home!" Or... "Hey! I'd love to chat, but it's been a crazy week at work, and Tuesdays are my only TV night to relax and unwind." Unwinding is something to which the chatty person might relate - and get off the phone asap! Hey - we've got things to do, too! Sometimes we think *we* are "being nice" simply by remaining patiently on the phone with you and communicating with you - even if we are simply talking to you about our day! Lol.
7. Call your chatty person more regularly! Yes! See if this does not get them off the phone faster! When they call you or interrupt, try assigning that a value of being "full" of energy. Their cup overfloweth! :O
Call them and let them know you were thinking of them and thought you'd just call to see how they are doing! The more you call *them*, the less they might start calling you! In fact, you might even be doing yourself a favor! Lol. *(Like a guy that never stops calling... what do you want to do? Go out with him?! No way! You simply want him to "Go away!" :P But what if he calls only once or twice??? Don't many of you wonder when you'll chat next? You want to chat *more!* Same (for diff reasons though) for the chatty person. Siphon that energy more often, and you'll tap them dry!
*They'll* be finding ways to put *you* off the phone!
8. Would you say that many of these folks live in full households? Chances are, they don't. OR they work with children or in repetitive positions. At the end of *your* fun-filled day or 80-hour work week, you're beat. You've been changing diapers after staying up all night, just finished grading a term's worth of papers, have exhausted yourself preparing for a major presentation, having been reading x-rays and client charts all day, entering strings of data & codes... *you're* mind is fried! Their's... is not. (Much to your chagrin and probably their's.) They might *wish* they were tired - it's evening, and they've got *all this energy*! Or ... like myself, they've been up all night on blogs...
replying to all the great ideas and questions others are proposing!
And it *just* gives them a rush... like it gives your neighbor to complete the dinner rush at the restaurant where they work. OR the guy who has just finished detailing some resolution for a problem he fixed that day at work. Motivation, energy focus, spin-off, release!
Try this... "Hey! I wasn't finished!"
Try this... "Can I finish first while I've got the thought in my mind?" Then you can tell me your's!" (Unless they are simply selfish, they will probably understand this type of talk.)
Or... "Shifting gears now!" (To redirect the conversation.)
Or... "Can we put this conversation in reverse for a minute? I wasn't quite finished."
(And when you're done... ) "Okay! Now I'm finished - your turn!"
(It seems so elementary, but isn't that how we're taught when we're younger - to raise our hand and/or to wait our turn? Employ those elementary methods... see if they work!)
Okay... just some points of perspective from the other side... some of us are simply reaching out... will you reach back and accept us for the love-gushing folks (some of us) we are??? Or will you cut out our great big hearts, withdrawing as if we've sliced into your life more than you'd ever have wanted to have become acquainted?
Love is patient and kind. Give and it shall be given to you.
Also a great book... The (Five) Love Languages (or one of it's versions) by Gary Chapman. Very interesting book!
Okay... I'm done now. LOL.
Your turn.
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