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I'm sure we all know people who talk to much but how do you handle it? Do you just tune them out (most of the time I do) or what? I'm not someone who is shy and quiet but not a motormouth either. But there are a few people I know that its hard to get in a word when speaking with them. There are times I feel like yelling, "Will you please JUST SHUT UP!"
*snipped the examples*
I love these people but gosh do they get annoying! All I feel like I ever say is "Yeah, uh-huh, ok" etc. I mean occasionally I get a few words in, hehe. There have been times I can put down the phone with these women and go get a drink of water or go to the bathroom AND THEY ARE STILL TALKING!!!
So people how do deal with the blabbermouths in your lives? I'm curious because I really need to do something about it before I go nuts.
If you're referring to a potential mate, I would walk away as you haven't really clicked. If a friend, I'd be questioning why I hang out with them so much, and if they always talked so much (Perhaps it is just a bad habit they have gotten into?). If you're talking about family then you need to tread carefully as these people are with you for the long haul! I find that with family in particular that there's a repetitiveness which everyone observes due to familiarity. You've been with or around these folks for ages and you will eventually "figure them out" and indeed that can be annoying.
Regarding narcissism which was brought up in a few posts after yours - I would say that is just down right annoying and those people who only talk about themselves I typically distance myself from. Usually these folks get the point sooner or later when you stop working to include them in conversations with others, or when you simple stop talking with them.
Some people just love to talk, others just love to listen. Overall there's an art to smalltalk that a lot of people don't know anymore. It could be that we are all so used to TV and computers and the information age in general that we have difficulty slowing down a bit to interact live with another person. I admit sometimes I am thinking to myself as someone else is talking; Gees could you just get to your point already?... or OK, I understand your point of view, but it is wrong, let me explain why! (LOL - like a forum posting situation).
Oh dear lord, Luv80, thank you SO MUCH for bringing this one up!
I too have a "friend" who does exactly what you describe! And yes, there have been times when I have actually put the phone down and left the room to get a cup of coffee or whatever, only to return and resume listening...I feel my primary contribution to the conversation is: "Uh huh....uh huh...uh huh..."
Here's my take on this phenomena: In the case of this "friend" who can't shut up, I think there are a few things going on. I think she, (like the vast majority of COMPULSIVE TALKERS) is someone who is basically narcissistic, leaning towards NPD. I say this based on the fact that she can only talk about herself, to the point where I feel as though I basically do not exist. I also feel as though my "presence" on the other end of the phone is secondary to what she has to say and is saying. The reality is, I don't think she really wants to talk to me, per se, but rather, has this compulsive need to vent/talk.
As such, I suspect that this person is someone who grew up in a household where she never really felt heard by her parents...(And believe me, she has talked on and on about her parents endlessly!!!) On some unconscious level, I think she has this terrible need to BE HEARD, yet at the same time, there is this other dynamic: she cannot tolerate other people's opinions if they don't coincide with hers. I tend to see compulsive talkers as people who are defending themselves against being hurt. If you talk, talk, talk, TALK then you are not truly able to enter into a real relationship with another person, as a relationship is built primarily on communication! These individuals truly keep others at arms length by their talking; it is "safer" for them to keep others at a distance. I don't believe they do this conciously; I honestly believe it is a defensive type of behavior.
With this "friend" of mine who calls and has been known to keep me on the phone for up to 3 hours at a time, (and would do so every day, if I let her...) I have resorted to setting limits/boundaries. I will listen to her for a reasonable amount of time, but then I find a way to end the phone call. Personally, that is the only thing that has worked for me. As she literally can't stop herself, I do the "stopping" for her when I have had enough.
In the end, I do feel it is all about narcissism, not having truly been "heard" as a child, fear of intimacy/closeness with others, and by and large is a defense mechanism. That's the best I can come up with for now..
And no, (despite the length of what I've written here,) I am NOT a compulsive talker, myself! --In fact, I'm a therapist: someone who is PAID to LISTEN!
I'm sure we all know people who talk to much but how do you handle it? Do you just tune them out (most of the time I do) or what? I'm not someone who is shy and quiet but not a motormouth either. But there are a few people I know that its hard to get in a word when speaking with them. There are times I feel like yelling, "Will you please JUST SHUT UP!"
Example: My mother. She will give you every single little detail on the most mundane things or will tell you things that you already know how to do. For instance, she can't just say there was a rude customer in front of her at the grocery store. She'll tell you just about everything that led up to her being in the grocery store-the time she woke up this morning, how she couldn't find her shoes, etc. Twenty minutes later she'll finally get to the story about the rude customer.
Another example: Best friend. She talks and talks and talks and talks....You get the point. You can't break in to give your opinion or whatnot because she's already on another topic. SHe'll call me up and starts talking about her problems right away with barely asking me how I am doing. Thirty minutes to an hour later, after her lips are starting to turn blue, she ask to see how I'm doing, lol.
Another example: Friend who is almost a narcissist. Everything is about her and how great she is or great people think she is. Talks about herself way too much and again, will have to give you every single little detail about everything.
I love these people but gosh do they get annoying! All I feel like I ever say is "Yeah, uh-huh, ok" etc. I mean occasionally I get a few words in, hehe. There have been times I can put down the phone with these women and go get a drink of water or go to the bathroom AND THEY ARE STILL TALKING!!!
I've always been one that people come to for advice, almost like a therapist with out the great pay. It gets old though. Guess I'm too nice
So people how do deal with the blabbermouths in your lives? I'm curious because I really need to do something about it before I go nuts.
From the length of that post are you sure you don't after your mother?
My wife can't get to the point, but we've been together long enough that I just look at her and say ...
"If you get a point, make it."
I'm an 'get to the facts' person, I don't need the surrounding details. She knows this and still can't get to the point after 20 years.
I haven't really encountered too many people who talk too much. But when I do, I just sit and listen and try to figure out what they're trying to say. If I can't figure it out, I either ask "what are you trying to say?" or say "let me see if I understand..." and repeat what they said back to them, paraphrased.
People who talk too much -- now that brings back some memories. I've always been a great listener, but if it's someone who is negative or is bad mouthing someone, I simply find myself terribly busy and excuse myself.
Ever since my father died four years ago, my mother has this fear of lying injured/ill/otherwise incapacitated for hours or days with no one knowing. My mother is also one of those endless talkers. It simply doesn't stop. I'm so embarrassed for her when we're in a group, but there's nothing I can do about it without causing problems.
To help calm her fears and ease her loneliness, I call her every day. However, to avoid being stuck on the phone with her for hours at a time when I need to be doing things around the house, I call her when I'm on my way home from work.
I have a 35 minute commute, most of it highway driving at a time of day with light traffic. I put on my headset, hit the speed dial, and talk to her hands-free while I'm on my way home. Or should I say, I listen to her - I don't always get the chance to talk. If there's something important I need to tell her, I have to jump right in at the beginning of the call. Sometimes I can tell she's waiting for that phone to ring, and she immediately launches into a rant about whatever's on her mind.
The beauty of this arrangement is that about five minutes from my house, there's a "dead spot" on my route where the calls drop. Every time. She knows this, so I interrupt her to warn her that the call is about to drop, so we wrap up the call. I've accomplished checking in on Mom for the day, with minimal irritation and no delay of my evening routine.
I have a friend that talks nonstop and extremely loud. She drives me nuts. I was just with her today and I couldn't get a word in. It is very annoying. Sometimes I avoid answering her phone calls, because I am just not in the mood. When she really gets annoying, I will just hang up on her then don't answer when she calls back. When I finally do talk to her I pretend that my battery died. It rude, BUT what the heck....
I guess that I can deal with these types of people pretty well. I seem to know plenty of them. I just let them blab, and then go on about my business. There are two situations where I will actually be rude, or stern or whatever. The first is (as most of you know by now), when theyre blabing along, and then start putting me on hold over incoming call-waiting calls. In that case, I usually just hang up on my end. The second case mainly refers to being in a vehicle with someone who wants to carry on a conversation, but has the radio turned up so loud, I have to almost shout to talk over the volume of the radio. That situation will get me in a sour mood really quick. Other than that, I just listen the best I can, and go on my way. Sometimes, when Im in a good mood, I probably talk too much myself. I do make an effort to try not to do that very often though.
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"Blah, blah, blah, AND...blah, blah, blah, AND...blah, blah, blah, AND...!!!!!!"
Just hang up the phone....
