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I moved to NC almost six years ago. At first I thought I was okay with my decision to move. I'd even say I was happy about living in NC. But lately, I'm feeling really homesick for NY. However, I'm not sure if I'm homesick for NY or just plain homesick for my old life. Alot has happened since our move to NC. We moved in July 2010. My mother-in-law died unexpectedly (she was sick but we didn't expect her to die so soon) in December 2010. She was just 66. My father died in August 2012. He was 85 but losing a parent is always hard, no matter what the age. My sons have gone from the cute little boy stage to snarly teenagers and 20-somethings. We've had problems with our oldest son (now 25) and he moved out the same month my father died. We haven't spoken since but one of our other sons (now 20) is currently acting as a mediator and there's a good chance of a reunion of some sort this summer. Our 20 year old has been in touch with him and says he's grown up alot and isn't the troublemaker he used to be. I've been having trouble finding work. I worked full-time in Manhattan for close to three decades at the time of our move. Since we've been in NC, I've found temporary work, contract work, and freelance work but haven't had any luck finding a real job. It's extremely frustrating. I've had alot of interviews but no real job offers. I guess I'm not falling into the over-qualified and just plain old category.
Anyway, as you can see, alot has changed in my life and virtually all of it hasn't been good. I find myself longing for my "former" life in NY. But again, I'm not sure if I miss NY or if I miss when my kids were little, my parents were alive, my "real" job in Manhattan, etc. We went back to NY in March for a dentist visit for all of us. Yes, we're all that terrified of the dentist and only want to go to the same one my husband and I have been going to since 1989. As we were driving around, of course we had to pass some of our usual spots that have been near and dear to our heart. I should add that both my husband and I were born and raised in Queens. We met each other on a street corner in Woodhaven in 1981. We were Long-Islanders from 1999 until our move in 2010. So as we drove past all of our old stomping grounds, needless to say everything felt like home. We even drove by what used to be a dirt road in Richmond Hill where my father taught me how to ride a bike. I felt my heart heart at the memory. I could connect a memory to virtually everywhere we drove during our visit to NY.
We have a nice house here in NC and the neighborhood is perfectly fine. But even after almost six years it doesn't feel like home to me. I'd love to hear what anyone thinks of how I'm feeling. Am I homesick for NY or am I just homesick for the way things used to be in my life? I'm actually thinking of moving back to Long Island in a few years. My 20 year old is in college here in NC so I'd have to wait until he graduates or we'd lose the in-state residency rate and financial aid. But the last thing I want to do is move back and find that I still feel sad. I'm afraid I'll realize what I truly missed wasn't NY but instead I just missed the way things used to be in my life.
Sorry for your losses and hardships. For how long was your visit in March? Have you tried coming back for a week or so maybe to gauge your sense of longing? A weekend might be just enough to remember the good times, but a few extra days to soak things up night be more accurate?
As time winds down for your son's education, I think you should seriously look in to spending some time and extended trips where you might want to move back - a lot can change in a few years and your fond memories might be frozen in time.
I am dealing with some of the stuff you are - namely the kids being not so cute anymore, LOL. But it definitely does not make me long for LI. In fact every time I read the Garden City News it reinforces that we made the right decision to leave.
I will say what I have said before, if you don't move off Long Island (or anywhere) because you truly want to move, it is probably not going to work out. I think you fall into that category. In a way your experience has been the opposite of mine - when I go back to Long Island I feel aggravated and annoyed, and relieved when we leave again. I have found a job with great pay and benefits that didn't seem to exist on Long Island. My DH has also found a job he likes (phasing out owning his own business).
I think before you make another huge move, you need to sit down and figure out exactly what it is you hope to achieve with it, and realize all the reasons you left are probably still there. If I'm not mistaken you also have two younger kids...I'm not a big believer in running my life based on my kids wants and needs but I do think you need to consider the impact of moving them again - and giving them the idea that you can only be happy on Long Island. They are older, but they are still watching everything you do.
Finally, when you're already feeling low, it's easy to let memories and ideas cloud our judgment. I think you are aware of this, and good for you realizing it. If you're really thinking of moving back you should start with a job search for BOTH of you since you can't make it on LI without both having jobs. I thought when you moved to NC you both had jobs lined up, and realize now that was not the case-you know that won't fly on Long Island. So that should be the first step - feeling out the job market for BOTH of you. Once you see how that goes, that will give you a better idea of where you stand - does the idea of commuting into Manhattan for the jobs you see excite you? Can your husband also find a good job? Then you will know you are on the right track.
We all miss the place that we grew up or where we raised our kids. Our memories have the ability to make a place seem ideal. I think before you make such a move you would be wise to spend some significant time back in NY and see if it is, as you recall. I love where I am now, yet I can also see the LI that I, knew and loved to be changing. You will be in my prayers as you navigate this difficult decision.
Status:
"Let this year be over..."
(set 24 days ago)
Location: Where my bills arrive
19,219 posts, read 17,102,322 times
Reputation: 15538
Reading your post it's obvious that a lot has occurred since your move but most likely it would have occurred regardless of your location. You state "Am I homesick for NY or am I just homesick for the way things used to be in my life?" but you don't provide a reason that made you relocated to North Carolina. I think as one poster said you miss life as it had been but move or stay life would have continued and the heartaches you've experienced would not have been avoided. You can visit all you want and relive the happy memories you have because with human nature we always remember the good times not the bad. You can also start living life as it comes at you in NC and not compare/weigh every experience to one you had in NY, its your choice.
The travails you're going through now (especially financial) could feel harder, and grind you down more, if you were experiencing them in NY. The job market is poor on LI, and more people are working in NYC to manage living here. How many more years do you think you could endure the LI to Penn Station commute?
If you were back to NY those sky-high property tax or rent bills would keep pouring in, and you gotta keep on top of that. No slacking is possible here, and at best you'd only be getting by.
My view of the world has changed to no longer NY-centric, or even where I'm headed when I leave. With lighter housing costs travel is possible, and the world is ours to explore. Home is a base.
It's possible you're "homesick" for the life you used to have... If you move back to LI, your parents / relationship with your children / job aren't going to be there...
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