[SopLV]

My son and his family just moved to Las Vegas from Chico, California. It took me and his wife a lot of efforts to get them move here. My son is an engineer and he used to get paid just over 60K a year when he was working in Chico. His wife work part time as a veterinarian assistant. They have a boy together and his wife have a 7 years old from pervious relationship.
They finally moved here in September. My son got a job that pays him salary of 200K a year plus bonus. Now his wife is able to stay home as a house wife and the oldest boy is attending private school. His wife also finally got a SUV she has really wanted for a long time. Everybody seems much happier in general.
But my son have never seems happy at all. In fact his oldest son once told my husband that my son never smiled any more which is true when I think about it. My son also seems very cold and distant from every body and pretty much stay at work as much as possible, and whenever he’s home, he’d just sleep or lock himself in the office most of the time which is very uncharacteristic of him.
A couple of months ago, he starts to go up to Chico for the weekend once every month.
This weekend we tried to celebrate his birthday. We tried to take him to the strip for dinner. Before the food even came, he breaks down and says he cannot live here any more and left.
I know in Chico, he has a lot of friends and is very well known by many people. He also was almost always up to something and always doing something on his off day. He used to take his family out on a very regular base and seems much happier. So we tried to get him involved into something but nothing seems worked out.
Tonight not long ago, his wife came by and cried about how she thinks that the only way my son will be back to himself is if they moved back to Chico. This breaks my heart. I love my son very much and would like him to stay here and see my grandsons grow up. I also know that his wife is really happy to be here and the boys are getting the best education they could. But to put it as my husband says, my son has pretty much turned into a drone and I know this is really hurting the family.
Is there any chance my son will eventually learn to be happier here? Is there anything we can do to help? Or is moving back to Chico the only way he’ll be happy again?

[Tiger Beer]

I don't think there is a cure for missing your hometown.

That payrise certainly helps! 60K to 200K! Amazing.

In the end, it's his life. If he's married and an engineer, he should be able to live anywhere he wants though.

[Huckleberry3911948]

everybody is happy about him in vegas except him. if he would just get rid of these silly notions about wanting to be happy and do what he was told everyone would be delighted.
later when he starts drinking they will complain about him being an alcoholic but not about his unhappiness or the 200k paycheck --that part is oaky doaky. working men are such a pain.

[oldgoldwinger]

I think you answered your own question in the second sentence: it took you and his wife a lot of effort to get him to move to LV. That, was a clue.

If there are Chico activities he's missing, you might have a chance. If it's his friends, you have a tough road ahead...good luck.

[owelles]

This will sound too much like a cliche, I know, but money isn't everything, and your son is a great example of that.

I gave up a six-figure job in another part of the country to move to Las Vegas without a job, because this is where I wanted to be (I was really missing my kids, who live in California). I was confident in my abilities, and although it took me a year to find the right job, I did, and I couldn't be happier.

The older I get, the more I realize that being happy trumps being rich every time. It sounds like a move back to Chico might be the thing that makes your son happy again.

[tazz]

He locks himself away from his family? Emotional distance from family is not a usual result of homesickness.

If his heart is still in Chico perhaps there is a girlfriend there too that he thought he could leave.

And now he is going there alone FREQUENTLY!!!! This is a very bad sign.

[jjameson922]

Tazz, I was thinking exactly what you wrote. As parents of grown children, I was surprised at how involved you are in your son's life at this age. My suggestion would be to take many steps back and let him figure it out.

[MomMom]

Originally Posted by tazz

He locks himself away from his family? Emotional distance from family is not a usual result of homesickness.

If his heart is still in Chico perhaps there is a girlfriend there too that he thought he could leave.

And now he is going there alone FREQUENTLY!!!! This is a very bad sign.

I agree with this. Sounds like he's missing the secret fling back in Chino and having to spend all his time with his wife and famiily now in Vegas...

[RecentlyRetired]

Originally Posted by tazz

He locks himself away from his family? Emotional distance from family is not a usual result of homesickness.

If his heart is still in Chico perhaps there is a girlfriend there too that he thought he could leave.

And now he is going there alone FREQUENTLY!!!! This is a very bad sign.

I hate to admit it, but this was exactly what I was thinking as I read over all the messages in this thread.

[SopLV]

We put a lot of efforts in getting him to move here because for most of his life after he graduated from high school, he has been something of a nomad. He didn’t settle down until he was in Chico and have been living there for six years before they moved down here.
We thought since he’s well known by people in his area, he’d love the opportunities to meet more new people here. Also he’s very involved in tons of actives in Chico, he have a group of friends that he’d go mountain biking, biking, snowmobile, ATV, kayak, and other things with. He also often take his family out to swim at one of many swimming spots, to tube down the river, snow tubing, and other things.
They also have a couple friends that they’d go out to restaurants with every weekend. They and their friends also host a BBQ and invite eachother over very often.
He was very involved with the community and would take his family to almost every community event such as farmer market, any show that may be happening, and other events.
So we thought that he can find most of those things here. His wife enjoys living in Chico, but she wants something new in life. She has been so thrilled about everything that Las Vegas has to offers. She says she does miss a couple of things in Chico, but love living in Las Vegas. She loves the culture, all night life, high paced life style, how good the educations are, exposure to various cultures, and everything. She also says that she really believe this is a great place to raise a family in.
She has tried to take him to clubs, shows, upscale restaurants, talk him into buy his dream car instead of driving a jeep which is the only vehicle he drove his whole life, got him into actives, and other things. He find the people to be very fake and cold, hate being in club, have no desire to drive anything beside jeep, and doesn’t seems to clicks with anyone over here.
We’re getting to the point where we feel like there’s nothing that will ever make him feel at home here and it is really breaking our heart. We wants him to be happy but it just seems like he cannot be happy here for some reason which we cannot figure out why.