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Old traditions flex and change, but I see nothing wrong with wrapping yourself in black as a sort of symbolic shield against the outside world. I think more people should do it, instead of having to pick yourself up, brush yourself off and get back to a regular routine.
I bet many widows would be grateful for the luxury of a year of formal, structured mourning, in which they were given the time and space to fully grieve.
I took 4 days off of work when my husband died. I worked at MickeyD's and lasted only 2 days after going back. I needed time to grieve. I've never gone back to work. 2 years and I'm just now starting to get a grip back on my life. I've never worn the widows weeds but I sure needed the time.
I took 4 days off of work when my husband died. I worked at MickeyD's and lasted only 2 days after going back. I needed time to grieve. I've never gone back to work. 2 years and I'm just now starting to get a grip back on my life. I've never worn the widows weeds but I sure needed the time.
Tami..I can totally relate. I've needed time too...I haven't bought any new clothes for myself since my family members died.. Didn't go out enough to need new clothes...Smilin came back up to my area (again) last week and we had fun together. But I had trouble figuring out what to wear each day when we went out...Everything felt drab or boring or "outdated." YUK!..So I'm going to buy myself a few new things soon. Know it will perk me up. How about you?.. Have you treated yourself to new clothes (or accessories) since Earl died?
Tami..I can totally relate. I've needed time too...I haven't bought any new clothes for myself since my family members died.. Didn't go out enough to need new clothes...Smilin came back up to my area (again) last week and we had fun together. But I had trouble figuring out what to wear each day when we went out...Everything felt drab or boring or "outdated." YUK!..So I'm going to buy myself a few new things soon. Know it will perk me up. How about you?.. Have you treated yourself to new clothes (or accessories) since Earl died?
I've been good to myself in buying stuff. Buying made me happy but most of the stuff still sits in their boxes. Spending the money was what made me feel better. Nothing but some jeans and a couple of teeshirts for clothes. Have nowhere to wear anything else.
I wonder if it would make it easier to grieve in our own time and alert the outside world to give us some space if we DID have a more visible way of "showing" that we are in mourning.
I wonder if it would make it easier to grieve in our own time and alert the outside world to give us some space if we DID have a more visible way of "showing" that we are in mourning.
I think that might help but it definitely would have to be up to an individual. I think the arm band would be a good idea since a lot of people like to dress in black.
My friend bought me a necklace for Earl's ashes but I don't wear it. It's too heavy and I prefer it hanging on my wall. The only thing I consistently wear are my wedding rings and of course that sends out the opposite message.
of course we do.... all I was saying is that its good that women dont wear heavy veils now or black for years..grief means adapting and adjusting and moving on, not being stuck in a costume to let the world know your circumstances.
You have NO RIGHT to define what grief means to anyone but yourself.
I know some people wonder why I haven't "moved-on" faster...This seems to be what's expected today. (Versus the past when society expected widows to stay in mourning for a long period of time.)...i have a male friend who keeps pointing out how other widows in our area have been dating for quite awhile now. (As if I'm a freak or weirdo because I don't want to date yet.)...I know he has "ulterior motives!" So I don't let what he says bother me...I'm not ready to "divorce" my husband and cast him aside right now. And I don't want a replacement...I still have grief to work through even though I don't walk around in black clothes with a veil over my face...Looks can be deceiving I guess. Maybe I should paint "widow in grief" across my forehead. And: "Leave me alone!"
I know some people wonder why I haven't "moved-on" faster...This seems to be what's expected today. (Versus the past when society expected widows to stay in mourning for a long period of time.)...i have a male friend who keeps pointing out how other widows in our area have been dating for quite awhile now. (As if I'm a freak or weirdo because I don't want to date yet.)...I know he has "ulterior motives!" So I don't let what he says bother me...I'm not ready to "divorce" my husband and cast him aside right now. And I don't want a replacement...I still have grief to work through even though I don't walk around in black clothes with a veil over my face...Looks can be deceiving I guess. Maybe I should paint "widow in grief" across my forehead. And: "Leave me alone!"
Take however much time you want. Its been just a little over a year for me. I have been on one date and it was an absolute disaster for me. I have no interest right now in allowing any sort of emotional or physical attachment with another man. Not sure when or if I will ever want another man in my life.
I've been good to myself in buying stuff. Buying made me happy but most of the stuff still sits in their boxes. Spending the money was what made me feel better. Nothing but some jeans and a couple of teeshirts for clothes. Have nowhere to wear anything else.
Good for you for spoiling yourself! I'm not ready to become a "social butterfly" right now either so I don't need tons of clothes.
I wonder if it would make it easier to grieve in our own time and alert the outside world to give us some space if we DID have a more visible way of "showing" that we are in mourning.
I think it would help...
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Spending the money was what made me feel better. Nothing but some jeans and a couple of teeshirts for clothes. Have nowhere to wear anything else.
