Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Normal, loving fathers don’t kill their children, period. Do you think abusive fathers should be given custody of their children?
I always think the same thing. Whenever there is a story about a dad killing his kids someone always chimes in and says the equivalent of: dads wouldn't kill if he had custody. And I have to scratch my head thinking, maybe there is a reason he doesn't have custody in the first place. After all, this guy is capable of killing his children in cold blood.
I don't know many divorced couples and even fewer with minor children, but the few I do know all share joint custody except one. That's my cousin and his kids. He moved out of his kid's school district to be closer to his job (so now his ex wife has the kids most of the time). But that was his choice. If he had stayed put, he would have had joint custody too. He certainly doesn't want to go shoot his kids because of it either.
This is where i think people need to be supportive of both mother AND FATHER. I don't like it when people assume fathers don't also struggle because they didn't give physical birth. I've had several fathers (including myself) that felt pushed out of the early bonding process. The family as a whole needs support (esp if they've had a difficult birth/medical conditions) in a country/society where generational parents aren't around or long distances away.
Maybe .. just maybe.. father's who kill, neglect, ignore, step-out, or whatever their children never bonded with them after birth in the first place.
Men, from what I've seen, are more than likely to go through with a suicide successfully. Women are more likely to to attempt more often but are more often than not unsuccessful. Women also use less immediate lethal methods (pills OD) than men (gun). Each failed attempt no matter how favorable the outcome (did not go through with it) means the likely hood of a successful attempt increases. For both genders, each attempt can be seen as "practice" to the next attempt/success... as this cycle progresses closer to the end, women are more likely to seek help and men are more likely to toughen it out alone until (hopefully) outside intervention.
I've also known fathers who had every opportunity to bond but didn't seem to want to. They wanted to come home and watch TV or play video games. Wanted nothing to do with the WORK of parenting.
Which I do think is a problem in the shift to 2-income families as necessitated by typical middle class through lower class family economics in today's society. I would have happily taken some time off work to raise my sons and make the household a full time job, if we could have afforded that. We could not. My ex was still operating in the mode of "the man goes to work, he comes home, and puts his feet up. The woman does all of the parenting stuff and keeps the house and cooks the food and does the shopping and so on"...but I was working full time on top of that--at least I was later on, not for the first months with my first baby. But in the bigger picture, me not being able to keep up with it all upset him, and so did any request that he help. Both of us were always stressed and not supporting one another.
I lived 18 years with the man who, out of everyone I've ever known, I'd vote most likely to become either a family annihilator or mass shooter...and it was not because he was deprived of the chance to bond with people who might have become his targets. What he was deprived of started probably way before I met him, with his childhood.
The state that I attempted to describe in my post, was terrifying to me, it was like a rising of tension and anxiety and my brain sounding maddening alarms and an impending loss of control. I can only hope that readers who will read it and say, "Yes, I have felt this way" are very few. The only relatively common experience in my life that is vaguely similar is being "hangry" or having a blood sugar drop that makes you snappy and high strung for no (other) good reason. Only multiply that many times over in intensity.
Thankfully it did not happen often. But it sure as hell felt very dangerous when it did. Oh and also, with my second child, it didn't happen at all...I think by then I knew to take better care of myself, and had better resources to do so.
I don't know of many scenarios where a father is generally required to be deprived of food, sleep, the ability to bathe, really any personal care time at all, and forced then to be in a room with a constantly screaming noise at the same time--for days or weeks or more. No TV, no games, no friends, no break, no time off. That's where I was at with my first. It was hard.
Oh, right. Sorry. I'm too close to see (without it being accompanied by tone or explained) the humor. Thinking or talking about my ex actually makes my stomach hurt, my shoulders bunch up, and tension to appear visibly in my face. Even though it's been like...over 3 years since I moved out.
I try not to worry about him. But he has said that he is angry that I have not suffered as much as he thinks I should for having broken up with him and "destroyed our family." He says that he's sure that karma will get me. And the only reason he doesn't take care of it himself is that he'll be damned if he'll go to jail over me.
<snip>
Only three years? For some reason, I thought it was way back in the past. Ick.
I slept with a knife by my bed for a long while after I had my husband taken out by the police. I had a restraining order on him, and because he had threatened to take our daughter, the restraining order included him not going to her school.
Only three years? For some reason, I thought it was way back in the past. Ick.
I slept with a knife by my bed for a long while after I had my husband taken out by the police. I had a restraining order on him, and because he had threatened to take our daughter, the restraining order included him not going to her school.
It's not a fun way to live.
It feels like it was another lifetime, long ago, but yet I still find myself physically reacting, sometimes without even realizing it, when I talk about the worst stuff of that relationship.
It was April 2015 when we broke up, March 2016 when I finally got out. During that year I was living in another room in the same house, and it only took so long because I wanted to work things out in such a way that everyone would be ok when I left. Best intentions and all, but matters ended up just exploding to a point where I HAD to go, ready or not.
I would have gotten a restraining order, but I think it would only enrage him and provoke him and that he would not abide by it if he meant to do harm anyways. There didn't seem to be much point. Same with calling the cops...they might lock him up, but only for a little while. And then what?
I've also known fathers who had every opportunity to bond but didn't seem to want to. They wanted to come home and watch TV or play video games. Wanted nothing to do with the WORK of parenting.
Which I do think is a problem in the shift to 2-income families as necessitated by typical middle class through lower class family economics in today's society. I would have happily taken some time off work to raise my sons and make the household a full time job, if we could have afforded that. We could not. My ex was still operating in the mode of "the man goes to work, he comes home, and puts his feet up. The woman does all of the parenting stuff and keeps the house and cooks the food and does the shopping and so on"...but I was working full time on top of that--at least I was later on, not for the first months with my first baby. But in the bigger picture, me not being able to keep up with it all upset him, and so did any request that he help. Both of us were always stressed and not supporting one another.
I lived 18 years with the man who, out of everyone I've ever known, I'd vote most likely to become either a family annihilator or mass shooter...and it was not because he was deprived of the chance to bond with people who might have become his targets. What he was deprived of started probably way before I met him, with his childhood.
The state that I attempted to describe in my post, was terrifying to me, it was like a rising of tension and anxiety and my brain sounding maddening alarms and an impending loss of control. I can only hope that readers who will read it and say, "Yes, I have felt this way" are very few. The only relatively common experience in my life that is vaguely similar is being "hangry" or having a blood sugar drop that makes you snappy and high strung for no (other) good reason. Only multiply that many times over in intensity.
Thankfully it did not happen often. But it sure as hell felt very dangerous when it did. Oh and also, with my second child, it didn't happen at all...I think by then I knew to take better care of myself, and had better resources to do so.
I don't know of many scenarios where a father is generally required to be deprived of food, sleep, the ability to bathe, really any personal care time at all, and forced then to be in a room with a constantly screaming noise at the same time--for days or weeks or more. No TV, no games, no friends, no break, no time off. That's where I was at with my first. It was hard.
There will always be parents, male and female, that don't care for children and shouldn't have children in the first place.
There are mothers who don't care and abuse their children, yet we are supportive.... We either rally to support them and or services exist to assist. Heck, maternity leave was only available to men recently.
Crappy fathers will always exist. It is still no excuse for not supporting the family as a whole.. Mother and Father. Just like we raise men to suck it up and not ask for help we also expect them to enter father alone without support. That's the problem.
The bottom line is that Christians believe all can be forgiven, so they can kill their kids, ask for forgiveness, and land in heaven. Am I right? I was raised a Christian, and I think I remember that all one had to do was ask for forgiveness.
No. It requires changing one's life to match that confession.
It's rather obvious - they're trying to hurt the other parent, and they know that killing the child is the way to inflict maximum hurt on that other parent.
All evidence points to this imo, though I think it's comforting for some to believe they'll have an afterlife.
The bottom line is that Christians believe all can be forgiven, so they can kill their kids, ask for forgiveness, and land in heaven. Am I right? I was raised a Christian, and I think I remember that all one had to do was ask for forgiveness.
NO Kim, that's not the Bottom Line! You did not pay attention in church!
I've never thought about that. My god, maybe this happens so frequently where the sociopath murdering husband knows it will force her to think of him each hour of every day when she longs for her child.
We need greater penalties for all crimes. A slap on the wrist is ineffective and only results in more of the same.
You seriously never heard or thought about this?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801
Glad you did, too.
Was his name Chris?
Family annihilators: Chris Watts, Chris Coleman, Chris Longo...it's become almost a rule, like don't get into a white van.
Also if the man's last name is Peterson, run away from him as fast as you can!!! And they say "what's in a name?"
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
