Want to move our family to coast. Is it selfish to move away from aging parents who have had some health issues??? (Raleigh: to rent, condos)
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We currently live in Kernersville, NC. Love it here, but feel like we're missing out on where we have always wanted to move and that's the coast. It's always been our goal and dream to move to the coast, but didn't because we didn't want to leave my parents who both live alone (apart). They are 74 yrs old and both have had heart problems. My mom just had her 4th heart attack last week! The thing is, my whole family wants to move to the coast. Our 4 children are excited about it and we know we would love it. We love the whole lifestyle. My only dilemma is moving 4 hrs away from my parents who we are very close to, very involved with and they have had health issues. My brother and his wife live in Raleigh so if I move away they won't have any children close to them. They do have their siblings and friends who are close by, but I feel like it's my responsibility to be there for them in these later years. That said, I still want to move to the coast! I am so torn. I am afraid the guilt will ruin my happiness if I do move and if I stay I may always be dreaming of those coastal lazy days on the beach, boardwalk, boat rides, shopping, entertainment, etc. My mom and dad have both mentioned moving too so they can still see their grandkids who are ages 4, 6, 8 & 10, but now saying they can't leave their lives here in Kernersville. What would you do????? I love my parents so much, but also want to do what's best for my family too. Thanks for any responses!
That said, I still want to move to the coast! I am so torn. I am afraid the guilt will ruin my happiness if I do move and if I stay I may always be dreaming of those coastal lazy days on the beach, boardwalk, boat rides, shopping, entertainment, etc.
Do you or your husband have any job prospects on the coast? Without a job offer in hand, your guilt is a moot point.
Furthermore you have a vision of life on the coast through rose-colored glasses. You will still have to earn a living, and you can't spend all your time on the beach. It is also cold at the beach about 6 months of the year.
Frankly, I'd stay where you are, enjoy your parents' last days, and take as many vacations at the beach as you can. Can you afford a time-share at the beach? Can you afford a second home and rent it out most of the time? maybe you could discuss sharing the cost of a beach place with your parents and see if they have the money to help.
We currently live in Kernersville, NC. Love it here, but feel like we're missing out on where we have always wanted to move and that's the coast. It's always been our goal and dream to move to the coast, but didn't because we didn't want to leave my parents who both live alone (apart). They are 74 yrs old and both have had heart problems. My mom just had her 4th heart attack last week! The thing is, my whole family wants to move to the coast. Our 4 children are excited about it and we know we would love it. We love the whole lifestyle. My only dilemma is moving 4 hrs away from my parents who we are very close to, very involved with and they have had health issues. My brother and his wife live in Raleigh so if I move away they won't have any children close to them. They do have their siblings and friends who are close by, but I feel like it's my responsibility to be there for them in these later years. That said, I still want to move to the coast! I am so torn. I am afraid the guilt will ruin my happiness if I do move and if I stay I may always be dreaming of those coastal lazy days on the beach, boardwalk, boat rides, shopping, entertainment, etc. My mom and dad have both mentioned moving too so they can still see their grandkids who are ages 4, 6, 8 & 10, but now saying they can't leave their lives here in Kernersville. What would you do????? I love my parents so much, but also want to do what's best for my family too. Thanks for any responses!
Have you researched the beaches here? I'm not sure of what shopping centers and entertainment your referring to? Also, what about schooling for the kids? Employment? I agree with goldenage, you are looking at this through rose colored glasses.
My friend and her husband live in Stokesdale and are moving away from his aging parents who happen to live in Kernersville. His parents are older than yours, they are in their late 70's. My friend is moving back to Cary. She'd had enough of the lack of shopping, amenities, long commute to Winston, etc. He has been interviewing for jobs and she's already asked for a transfer.
As far as the situation with your aging parents, do what you feel is best. Are you going to regret not being there if their health problems should worsen or they should pass on? Only you can make that call.
I also suggest some interim steps. You might investigate the cost of a 1/10 share of a house at the beach which would give you 5 weeks a years to vacation. I have seen them available at Carolina Beach (I think). The 5 weeks are spread through the year. Then check with whether your parents would go in with this. Dad could stay one week and Mom another if they don't get along.
Another step I suggest is to plan a winter vacation at a beach. It is extremely quiet, the restaurants close down, and there is little to do. You have to drive long distances for groceries and medical care. See how you like it, as it is much different to live in a beach community than it is to vacation there.
Don't let you kids opinions sway you. They are simply too young to be realistic judges of the costs of moving or of how much they would miss their grandparents. The person whose opinion you should consider most is the family's wage earner. Is he really on board with a job search, and has he developed a realistic plan for job hunting? Would he take a pay cut to move?
Good luck with whatever you do, but I urge you to do it realistically.
To address some of your comments, my husband works from home for a major corporation and I am a stay at home mom who home schools our kids. We can live anywhere and finding jobs is not an issue for us. We would like to move close to the Wilmington area to be close to things to do, shop, and have a normal life outside of the beaches. No rose colored glasses here. Also, we already co-own a condo in Myrtle Beach with my mom and brother. My dad isn't a beach person and has no interest in going. We go down to our condo sometimes in the fall/winter and are well aware of how it shuts down on the coast. My only problem with making the move is leaving my aging parents, but I also feel like they got their chance to choose where they wanted to live their lives and I would like to do the same. It's kind of a lose/lose for us whether we stay or go. :/ Thanks for your replies.
p.s. To be sure it is going to be something we like, we're going to rent for 6 months at the coast and check out the areas before purchasing a home. We may stay or we may come back to K-ville.
To address some of your comments, my husband works from home for a major corporation and I am a stay at home mom who home schools our kids. We can live anywhere and finding jobs is not an issue for us. We would like to move close to the Wilmington area to be close to things to do, shop, and have a normal life outside of the beaches. No rose colored glasses here. Also, we already co-own a condo in Myrtle Beach with my mom and brother. My dad isn't a beach person and has no interest in going. We go down to our condo sometimes in the fall/winter and are well aware of how it shuts down on the coast. My only problem with making the move is leaving my aging parents, but I also feel like they got their chance to choose where they wanted to live their lives and I would like to do the same. It's kind of a lose/lose for us whether we stay or go. :/ Thanks for your replies.
It sounds like employment and schooling won't be issues. I wouldn't stay around for your parents. I would move. You have your own life to live. They may be around another 10-20 years. And why waste all of those years living in Kernersville if you don't have to or want to? They have their siblings nearby so they aren't alone.
To address some of your comments, my husband works from home for a major corporation and I am a stay at home mom who home schools our kids. We can live anywhere and finding jobs is not an issue for us.
I am glad you are so much better prepared than many of the people who want to move to the beach, and glad to hear you will test the waters first.
It sounds like you really should not have an issue with staying in contact with your parents, but your feeling of guilt is something only you can handle.
We currently live in Kernersville, NC. Love it here, but feel like we're missing out on where we have always wanted to move and that's the coast. It's always been our goal and dream to move to the coast, but didn't because we didn't want to leave my parents who both live alone (apart). They are 74 yrs old and both have had heart problems. My mom just had her 4th heart attack last week! The thing is, my whole family wants to move to the coast. Our 4 children are excited about it and we know we would love it. We love the whole lifestyle. My only dilemma is moving 4 hrs away from my parents who we are very close to, very involved with and they have had health issues. My brother and his wife live in Raleigh so if I move away they won't have any children close to them. They do have their siblings and friends who are close by, but I feel like it's my responsibility to be there for them in these later years. That said, I still want to move to the coast! I am so torn. I am afraid the guilt will ruin my happiness if I do move and if I stay I may always be dreaming of those coastal lazy days on the beach, boardwalk, boat rides, shopping, entertainment, etc. My mom and dad have both mentioned moving too so they can still see their grandkids who are ages 4, 6, 8 & 10, but now saying they can't leave their lives here in Kernersville. What would you do????? I love my parents so much, but also want to do what's best for my family too. Thanks for any responses!
We have a neighbor who has a 90 year old mother living at a rest home in the Wilmington area. If you move to the coast and they want to be near you they can move too. Maybe they have been wanting to move to the coast and didn't want to go leave you. There are some really reasonable smaller homes in the coastal area. I have noticed my husband has been getting really tired doing yard work so I have been looking at condos and homes with smaller yards. There are some really cute ones in the Sunset Beach area.
On the other hand I have a neighbor that moved here from the coast because she said there were just so many days you can enjoy going fishing and looking at the ocean.
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What would you do????? I love my parents so much, but also want to do what's best for my family too. Thanks for any responses!
