Chicago for single woman in early 30's

[iheartlisbon]

Originally Posted by Isotope-C14

Also, I don't know for sure, but I think it's pretty easy for guys to *stay* single in Chicago. The allure of Marriage has been on the down-slide for Men for many years, and rightly so, the courts/divorce attorneys have seen to that.

Waiting to get married isn't a bad thing, especially with the high divorce rate. I'm divorced myself and if I could fly back in time, I'd tell my twenty something Iheartlisbon, "Wait! Wait! There will be someone else, and if there isn't there are a lot of cute labs out there that need a home!"

However, now that I've read that Chicago has the second lowest marriage rate it makes me a little nervous to move out there. I loved the attractions and city life in Chicago, but I'd be lying if I wasn't also hoping to move somewhere with a good dating scene that doesn't involve non-committal, casual dating that goes on for years like I've seen in New York and DC. God, doesn't anyone else find dating to be a little stressful? Maybe it's my Utah upbringing, which was definitely way outdated and old-fashioned, and the pressure I feel from that to be married again or be put out to pasture, but there's definitely a part of me that finds endless dates so unappealing...Just a rant that I'm sure could come from any man or woman in any city...

[Tex?Il?]

Originally Posted by iheartlisbon

Waiting to get married isn't a bad thing, especially with the high divorce rate. I'm divorced myself and if I could fly back in time, I'd tell my twenty something Iheartlisbon, "Wait! Wait! There will be someone else, and if there isn't there are a lot of cute labs out there that need a home!"

However, now that I've read that Chicago has the second lowest marriage rate it makes me a little nervous to move out there. I loved the attractions and city life in Chicago, but I'd be lying if I wasn't also hoping to move somewhere with a good dating scene that doesn't involve non-committal, casual dating that goes on for years like I've seen in New York and DC. God, doesn't anyone else find dating to be a little stressful? Maybe it's my Utah upbringing, which was definitely way outdated and old-fashioned, and the pressure I feel from that to be married again or be put out to pasture, but there's definitely a part of me that finds endless dates so unappealing...Just a rant that I'm sure could come from any man or woman in any city...

No need to read too much into that.

There are always a million ways to interpret things like that. Maybe another possible reason for having "the second lowest marriage rate" is that maybe people are more likely to move to the suburbs when they get married?" Who knows.

Chicago does seem to have more of this clear cut dichotomy of "cities are for singles, suburbs are for families". Maybe because Chicagos core is clearly very urban, while its suburbs are more clearly very suburban?? Again, I'll use the example of LA, where you have SFH dominated neighborhoods in the urban core, and urban, walkable pockets that have been traditionally thought of as suburbs.

I know in DC, the Virginia side (Arlington) probably also has a lot of urban suburbs where singles live and play. Chicagoland doesn't have that. All the singles scene is in the city, so maybe thats why its like it.

Trust me, like I said, I lived in whats considered a hip, walkable suburb right on the edge of the city limits (Oak Park), and most of the 20s/30s demographic that I met were married/engaged.

[marothisu]

Chicago is a city of 3 million people. Even if only 35% of people are married, that doesn't mean that 65% of people are not "marriage minded." Even if only 5% of those 65% of single people (guys) are marriage minded, that's still almost 90,000 people.

Trust me, you're fine. There's definitely people here who are not marriage minded, but there are others who are. Just because you aren't married doesn't mean you don't want to be and not open to it. I know a number of unmarried people in their 30s and 40s who are not the "I'm never getting married!!!" types. They are definitely open to it, just haven't found anybody yet. And I will point out with that last statement that one of the troubles living in a big city is that people can the "grass is greener" syndrome because there's so many other people out there. Some peoples' standards kind of raise up and some people think they are only worth the absolute best.

I read an article from Australia, but I thought it was somewhat true in parts of the US. There are some women who do the "I want to have tons of fun!!!!" into their early 30s, then when it comes time to settle down, they find that a lot of the guys they would want to marry are already married. The guys their age are snatching up women in their 20s because they can and they look better than the woman in their 30s. It's not true of everybody, don't get me wrong, but this does happen. On the other hand, my single friends in their 30s and 40s don't usually have much of a problem finding people around their age to date.

[usamathman]

finding people to date is never an issue in a major city.

finding a marriage minded....compatible partner IS THE ISSUE.

[ChiNaan]

I highly recommend anyone looking for "marriage-minded" try suburbs, small towns, rural areas, and the Bible Belt. Having lived in all of those areas, I encountered more than enough "marriage-minded" people for a lifetime. The beauty of a place like Chicago is that you can have fun dating without that pressure. Sure, people can and do still get married here, but it doesn't have to be the end-all-be-all.

[marothisu]

Originally Posted by ChiNaan

I highly recommend anyone looking for "marriage-minded" try suburbs, small towns, rural areas, and the Bible Belt. Having lived in all of those areas, I encountered more than enough "marriage-minded" people for a lifetime. The beauty of a place like Chicago is that you can have fun dating without that pressure. Sure, people can and do still get married here, but it doesn't have to be the end-all-be-all.

I agree. And people may want to get married but as you said it's not the end-all-be-all. People in relationships are still going out and about and having fun. I have married friends who, before they had kids, would go and club together all the time too. I mean it really depends on who you are with, anywhere in the world, but everyone I've ever dated in Chicago has been like "yes we're in a relationship now let's have FUN in life."

[Tex?Il?]

Originally Posted by ChiNaan

I highly recommend anyone looking for "marriage-minded" try suburbs, small towns, rural areas, and the Bible Belt. Having lived in all of those areas, I encountered more than enough "marriage-minded" people for a lifetime. The beauty of a place like Chicago is that you can have fun dating without that pressure. Sure, people can and do still get married here, but it doesn't have to be the end-all-be-all.

I disagree.

Reason is simply that: because suburbs/small towns, rural areas, etc. are more "marriage minded" . . . just about everyone is . . . already married (or engaged if younger). Single people of any kind are a real scarcity. The few single people there are, are largely in a tighter inner social circle that are very difficult to be part of, unless you've lived there for a long time. They just don't have a reason to meet more friends. Suburbs/small towns/rural areas can make one feel hopeless of finding anyone.

Whereas, sure people in their 20s and 30s who move to cities are there to primarily relax, experience all the fun things, meet lots of people, and just hang out, in the back of most peoples' minds is a kernel of interest in eventually settling down and feeling the call for a more domestic life (people don't get any younger). It may not necessarily be in the form of the 2.3 kids, dog, and the white picket fence, but for the vast majority of the population, a desire to settle down grows in their head.

I think cities as being a little like the rookeries of seals, penguins, or whatever colonial animals that meet in large colonies to breed. And the first paragraph is my biggest reason why I wouldn't live in rural areas/bible belt, etc.

[iheartlisbon]

I have to agree with Tex. Coming from smaller areas of Utah, finding even a date for Friday night is nearly impossible whereas in bigger cities I've lived in, you can have a date a night. But, I do think in the smaller towns, when you do find a single person, they're not looking to live the swinging life of a bachelor/ette forever. Also, conservative and religious are two words you would use to not describe me, and I find that generally, and not to stereotype everyone, but generally people in larger cities are more liberal and secular. I've heard from my friends who live in New York and D.C. that those cities are very hard for women. They do have higher ratios of single women to men though, whereas I think Chicago only has a slightly higher ratio of women to men. Also, whether I'm single or married or whatever, I need to enjoy where I live, and that wouldn't be Bugtussle, Tennessee.

[Larry Siegel]

Originally Posted by Tex?Il?

at least in the areas I hung out in in the Chicago area, it felt like single women were a scarcity.

Wait a few years (post 35) and that will change.

[Larry Siegel]

Originally Posted by ChiNaan

I highly recommend anyone looking for "marriage-minded" try suburbs, small towns, rural areas, and the Bible Belt. Having lived in all of those areas, I encountered more than enough "marriage-minded" people for a lifetime. The beauty of a place like Chicago is that you can have fun dating without that pressure. Sure, people can and do still get married here, but it doesn't have to be the end-all-be-all.

No! Stay in the city where the other single people are. It's a basic supply-and-demand thing. In the suburbs and rural areas, with the possible exception of Evanston and Oak Park which are very urban, most people are married and it is hard to marry one. Of course, if you're looking to have affairs with married women or men, then by all means live in the suburbs ;-)

I didn't know I was marriage minded until I met my wife.