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I think you might be over thinking it my friend. I went to a couple shelters until I met my little fluffball Maya. I'm a bit of an eccentric. This kitten was off the walls and playful so she fit me perfectly. She played with me but wouldn't let me hold her and was pretty much focused on play and run around. Before I met her, it was a lot of running away, hiding, some hissing. You have to understand that a cat won't warm up immediately. They're predator and prey animals and can be timid and distrustful at first. That's just their nature. Add that up in a shelter with other cats and dogs, lots of noise and people coming in and out, it's a lot to handle. I admit, I got lucky with Maya. She's high energy and highly adaptable. By the end of the first day, she was already cuddling with me. I also broke advice of others and let her out of the bedroom after a couple days and she ran around my downstairs rubbing up on things as if to say "this is mine. oooo. And this. And this". But she's not one size fits all. Actually, she's very atypical. But like any relationship, you have to build trust, like I did in the first few days with Maya. A cat in a new environment needs to adapt. When it starts to get comfortable with it's new surroundings and see you as the care giver, that's when the magic starts happening. But patience is also key. It seems like you want that fairy tale meeting and that's likely not going to be the reality. Patience and building trust is part of being a cat parent. They also like to do things on their terms. Half the time I'm wondering where the hell my cat is. Other times, she's my shadow and jumping on me. As time goes on, you'll get the hang of it.
Have you talked to adoption counselors about what you want? Color specifics are fine...we get them all the time... but generally "cat people" will consider this a bit of an uneducated requirement and a bit unnecessary. Just wanting a tabby is one thing but I've heard people who want black and white cats with the back left leg higher white than the right with orange eyes and a white spot on the nose (basically wanting a cat that looks just like their recently departed cat) but they also seem to think this animal will behave the same because it looks like it fits the bill.
Cat coats and personalities are not related. All talk of cat coat pattern and personality is to be taken with a grain of salt just like human star signs and astrology go. So your goal ideally should be to find a cat that meshes with your energy level (cat age plays a role here) and lifestyle not what you consider to be the epitome of cat beauty. I'm not trying to chastise you- not at all. I'm just inviting you to think outside the box a little and be open to a cat companion that is not what you are picturing visually inside your head. Instead think of what fits the picture behaviorally.
One of the best ways to find a good cat companion is to talk to people at the shelter. Ask the adoption counselor but be aware that shelter workers have different jobs. The adoption counselor might not be as familiar with the cats depending on how many hours they put in working hands on with the cats at the shelter. Being an adoption counselor is a hefty job in itself so it can limit how much time is spent at the actual shelter with cats one-on-one. Thier job is really to smooth the adoption process- to make sure you will be a good, responsible pet owner and help with any problems that can happen after adoption. These are the people who are good to talk to about introducing a new adoptee to existing pets or how to deal with helping a cat adjust to a new environment. But they are not always the best at knowing each individual cat's personality and quirks.
My advice is go visit and spend time with the cats but also talk to the volunteers/ workers there. They are the ones most able to give you specific details. Ask them who they wish they could bring home. Tell them what you are looking for- leave the tabby preference for last. Let the humans get an idea of who would be a good fit for you first. This way they can make suggestions based on behavior and health needs first and coat/ pattern last. Your perfect cat could be the complete opposite of what you think is "beautiful" from the start. Just like people rate those they know deeply as more attractive than they would if they have no experience of the person's personality.
Cats picking people sounds nice and yes it does happen. But the majority of adoptions don't work that way. It's magic when they do but it's not necessary for a truly awesome cat/person bond. So many cats that are not interactive with strangers are excellent companions. Consider this- they get visitors most days of the week but these people come and go. There is little payoff to pay attention to someone wandering in even if the person is doing everything right. These cats develop relationships best with the people that are there consistently. I've seen absolutely wonderful cats ignore visitors but be very happy interacting with shelter workers because they had that existing relationship. Once in a while we have people who want to adopt one or two cats and they ask us who gets overlooked, who is passed over and you know what- those cats are not returned. On follow-up calls those adopters are very happy and bonded to their new family member. These were the cats that seemed a bit shy or uninterested in potential adopters- but the shelter workers knew that the cats, once familiar, were incredibly wonderful. These are cats that shelter workers miss so much. We are happy that they find homes but the inner greedy part of us mourns them leaving and we think about them and remember them fondly even years and years later.
As far as health issues goes- plenty of people will adopt three-legged, one-eyed, one-eared cats. If you don't want a cat that doesn't look normal that's fine. Maybe one day you will. But first time cat adopters IME usually do want cats that appear whole. What they should be looking for IMO is one without ongoing health issues like chronic diarrhea or behavioral issues such as spraying or urinating outside the box. I'm not saying those cats are bad choices but they can require an extra level of experience on the part of the adopter that first time pet owners naturally wouldn't be expected to have.
Thanks for answers and sorry for late tell. Just forgot to bookmark this forum :-/
When I enter shelter - been in major ones in my city - I always come to cat I may like. I tell her something sweet, offer to smell my hand, try to pet her.
Maybe my mistake: do not pay attention to tail, unless it goes from left to right. I interpret is a sign "I dislike" or "I am angry" or even "out from me, I may attack you".
Eye contact: sometimes it is (if cat looks at me), sometimes it can't be (if cat turns his/her back to me).
Bad things: not sure what exactly can be understood as bad. Destroying things on purpose - yes. Random scratch or that nice pot flying down because cat did not notice it while running is not bad behaviour. Acting like "tell you what, I am sleeping now, so no petting while I sleep" is not bad behaviour. Even turning house down IF the owner did not play with cat is not bad behaviour.
Bites: got biten first time in my life, so no idea if it was love or hate.
I don't care about missing hair. It can be dealth with with time: good food, good care. Once I saw black-and-white cat with a bit deformed leg. It was not frightening, I could live with such cat forgetting she has damaged leg.
I may not even care if am told: look, this cat has some sickness and needs special food. I would buy cat food anyway, so no difference if instead "Cat food super premium" I would be buying "Cat food super premium for sick cats". I do admit cat may have sudden problems - like urinating in wrong places because of some infection. Not pleasant, of course. One owner returned cat because of it. I won't: simpliest way is to call shelter for advice. Then, bring to doctor and listen what doctor tells.
Yes, I know cats are individualists by nature and that cat may not come to me - she could be too busy with sleeping on sofa. That's not a problem. If I want someone following me, enjoying every step of me, I would go for a dog.
And now - up to hypothetical situation. Me in a shelter, some 20 cats in room.
1) No tabbies. Other cats show no interest (allows to be touched, petted, yet nothing more)
2) 1 tabbie. Shows no interest.
3) >2 tabbies. Every shows some kind of interest.
4) >2 tabbies. None shows interest.
What to do in every situation? Wait for love at first sight? leave?
I mean very simple situations.
Example I:
Stranger A enters shelter, pets cat. Everything is ok, cat allows;
Stranger B enters shelter, pets same cat. Cat immediately jumps on his knees, purrs.
Happened in one shelter with cat called Ninja.
Example II:
Stranger walks in the park. Stray cat starts following, almost jumps on his legs.
Was told by mass media.
Kind of example:
Shelter cat. Stranger comes, she walks, allows to be petted, then demands to be taken on knees and...well...makes some biscuits there. Purrs almost all time.
Happened in shelter. Unfortunately, could not take.
First of all, you need to go to a shelter with an open mind and NO expectations. Let a kitty choose YOU. If it doesn't happen that day, try another day.
You might want to try a smaller rescue group near you. They will work with you to match personality/type of cat.
I mean very simple situations.
Example I:
Stranger A enters shelter, pets cat. Everything is ok, cat allows;
Stranger B enters shelter, pets same cat. Cat immediately jumps on his knees, purrs.
Happened in one shelter with cat called Ninja.
Example II:
Stranger walks in the park. Stray cat starts following, almost jumps on his legs.
Was told by mass media.
Kind of example:
Shelter cat. Stranger comes, she walks, allows to be petted, then demands to be taken on knees and...well...makes some biscuits there. Purrs almost all time.
Happened in shelter. Unfortunately, could not take.
That isn't normal. My Mom chose this cat for two reasons: 1) Shelter lady said he had been there the longest because he's black. Mom said oh my! Then he was rubbing against the bars, obviously affectionate. Enjoyed her petting him. Done.
He hates laps, will never get on one.
He wanted nothing to do with me when I visited her. He would watch me, he was evaluating me. When she died I took him and he is my cuddle BUG. But not on laps, ever. Biscuits are made on various parts of my body while I am trying to sleep.
Laps feel a little life confinement to a lot of cats and they don't like them. He will lay against me on the couch or in bed. Walk partly on my lap to demand petting.
He has warmed up to exactly (2) neighbor friends. The ones he sees the most. One of them he wants next to and demands petting, but that took a while. They are not like dogs.
I don't understand your question anymore. My last suggestion to you is to foster a cat and see if it works out in a few weeks. That is one way to know if that will work for you.
I will give you my cat Monsoon. He's 20 pounds of love with a few quirks. He prefers crapping and peeing in our bathtub vs his cat box. I guess that's better than soiling our beds, the couch, and the dog beds. He might be happier in another home and I've about reached the end of the road with him. Any takers?
Yes by all means please adopt from a shelter. There are a lot of good animals destroyed every year because no one wants them.
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