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I'm a survivor, for almost two years now, and I can verify that the treatment (8 surgeries, a year of chemo) is not fun. As many times as I was hospitalized, this current situation would have made it rough. Besides treatment, I spent 3-7 days in the hospital 5 times for serious UTIs, due to the effect of the chemo on my white blood cells. There is no problem with the staff at the Oncology department, it's the related procedures that require hospitalization. I was lucky enough to finish just before Covid.
My brother died of prostate cancer when he was 66, he was diagnosed at 61, he had radiation and some kind of hormonal drugs and for about 3 years they told him he was in remission, but then it metastasized and he had to have a drain put in his gallbladder, then it spread to his bones, he fell down a flight of stairs and got numerous fractures on his spine, they operated and put screws and plates up and down his spine and he lived for maybe a year after that. What shocked me is that he didn't realize he was terminal until his last hospitalization when they told him that he should contact any family members or friends who he wanted to say goodbye to. I was sure he knew, who wouldn't? But apparently he convinced himself that he wasn't going to die. It was tough watching him try to come to terms with what was happening to him
Your brother's story is exactly why I've decided to forego all treatments/surgeries and just let nature take its course should I be diagnosed with cancer--unless it is external like skin cancer which can be removed relatively effortlessly. I read stories like your brother's all the time. Chemo after radiation after more chemo after surgery after more radiation and all that suffering and in the end it was all a waste. It's not for me. It's palliative/hospice and then since I am in California, at the 6 month mark it's physician assisted death by pentobarbital ingestion. I'm 70. I've had my day in the sun.
So my husband who I loved very very much never told me he had bladder cancer. Since the brain cancer was automatically terminal and very very serious, the bladder cancer conversation never happened. I think I probably would’ve yelled a little.
He loved you so much he didn't want you to worry, even though there was nothing to worry about. That's quite a guy you had there.
Your brother's story is exactly why I've decided to forego all treatments/surgeries and just let nature take its course should I be diagnosed with cancer--unless it is external like skin cancer which can be removed relatively effortlessly. I read stories like your brother's all the time. Chemo after radiation after more chemo after surgery after more radiation and all that suffering and in the end it was all a waste. It's not for me. It's palliative/hospice and then since I am in California, at the 6 month mark it's physician assisted death by pentobarbital ingestion. I'm 70. I've had my day in the sun.
I've made the same decision at 66. I'm satisfied with been there, done that, in life. I just had 2 skin cancers taken off, but that's as far as I'll go.
So CA has physician-assisted death? I thought that was just Oregon and Washington.
My friend lost her aunt and great-aunt to breast cancer. Then she was visiting her grandmother, in her 80s, who happened to mention that she could feel the lump in her breast getting larger. She said, "Grandma, you have breast cancer?" Her grandmother said, "I assume so, but I'm not going to any doctor. My sister and my daughter had surgery and chemo and they died anyway. Why bother."
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
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Originally Posted by Sand&Salt
I've made the same decision at 66. I'm satisfied with been there, done that, in life. I just had 2 skin cancers taken off, but that's as far as I'll go.
So CA has physician-assisted death? I thought that was just Oregon and Washington.
That's totally a personal choice. For me, hard as it was, I'm glad I went through it since it came out well, and I have more time to see my grandkids grow up. Well, and also to spend with my wife of 47 years!
I'm 73 and occasionally pee blood, it might be bladder cancer and my doctor wanted to refer me to hospital for tests but I declined because if it is cancer, the procedure for operating and/or treatment sounds very uncomfortable and too much hassle. At the moment there's no pain, just occasional twinges of discomfort.
At my age I've had a good innings and have no family or dependents so i'm quite prepared if the grim reaper comes looking for me.
My only hope is that there'll be drugs for the pain if it later goes painfully terminal and i'll be able to slip peacefully away..
When I first got diagnosed I did all kinds of research. I found a doctor who wrote an article and the bottom line was that while treatment for cancer can be very bad; it is much worse to die of cancer without treatment. I cannot seem to locate the article. But, that was the thrust of it; though it went into great detail (enough for me to put that out of my mind). I have been "Watch and Wait" for 6 years. It's a very slow blood cancer ... I am not actually waiting as I have done some drastic dietary changes (still working on that).
Denying the most probable outcome is tragic for the person and the family. There are many practical facets to dying that should be addressed. Once people accept the situation, they are better prepared to face these issues and questions.
I'm not saying people should give up fighting or stop treatment, but they should think about alternative endings. If the treatments work and the cancer goes into remission, life if good. Start that vacation planning!
However, even highly successful treatments don't work for everyone. So there is a chance that there will not be a positive outcome. This needs a full discussion with patient, doctors, and family. What does this mean?
From seemingly trivial questions such as "What is your password?" to frightening ones such as "What can we expect in terms of pain and discomfort?"
As a society, we are pressured and taught to ignore death. Death is a failure. Life however is not a circle; there is a beginning and there is an end. I don't understand people who are loath to make a will and other end of life decisions before they become critical.
Yes, coming to terms with one's own death can take a lot of internal work. You can fall prey to depression. Once you get over that hurdle then you become much more objective. Then, you can easily spot people your own age or older who have not done that work and come to terms with it. But, also, after all the work of coming to terms with it unwinding your affairs (to the degree that is necessary) can be a lot of work in itself (depending on your circumstances).
All in all it is quite understandable why people put it off.
Everyone is living on borrowed time all the time. Like my oncologist said to me "it's not like you didn't know you were going to die." Yes, everyone.
Last edited by Wile E. Coyote; 11-10-2021 at 12:37 AM..
I'm 73 and occasionally pee blood, it might be bladder cancer and my doctor wanted to refer me to hospital for tests but I declined because if it is cancer, the procedure for operating and/or treatment sounds very uncomfortable and too much hassle. At the moment there's no pain, just occasional twinges of discomfort.
At my age I've had a good innings and have no family or dependents so i'm quite prepared if the grim reaper comes looking for me.
My only hope is that there'll be drugs for the pain if it later goes painfully terminal and i'll be able to slip peacefully away..
Yikes
While it is your choice not to get a definitive diagnosis, blood in the urine can be many things, not automatically bladder cancer.
However left untreated based on an assumption, might cause something that was fairing easy to deal with, to turn into something major.
For example you could have a kidney problem. You could have an infection. My Dad has had blood in his urine a couple of times, and it turned out to be the aforementioned.
I had blood in my urine once, and it was a kidney stone.
So I suggest you see a urologist to get it diagnosed sooner than later.
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I'm 70. I've had my day in the sun.
Solly says — Be nice!
