Help! Moving to Birmingham-where 2 live & go out? (Tuscaloosa, Homewood: to rent, condo)

[recruiter35]

Hi, i am moving to Birmingham in a few weeks for my job. I want to rent a condo, townhouse or a home. I heard Southside was a good area-is that true? I am pretty conservative and LOVE guys that golf! I am 35, single with no children so i would like to live close to some decent bars and nightlife. I prefer nice bars opposed to "clubs". Any suggestions?

[san phlegmatico]

I am pretty conservative and LOVE guys that golf! I am 35

Birmingham is Golf Mecca. OK, maybe second fiddle to Augusta, GA and St. Andrews, Scotland. But we got more khaki-panted, visor-wearing, pot-bellied, cigar smoking golfers per capita than you can shake a nine iron at. I don't know if your relocating to Golfingham -- er, Birmingham -- was with its ginormous population of golfers in my mind (correctly pronounced: "gulf," by the way, by the country club set)... If by chance it wasn't, well, you've hit a hole in one anyway (foreshadowing of things to come, in more ways than one). Maybe you hit on some blind luck!

Here's the kicker: Birmingham is right of Attilla the Hun politically. Conservative you asked for; conservative you shall get! Congratulations, you've just moved to that peculiar locale that's known for sending those anomalic emails to the O'Reilly Factor: the ones that say "Dear Bill, you are such a vile, disgusting liberal... "

I know quite a few Birminghamians who voted for Hillary Clinton in the recent Democratic primary with this sophisticated right-wing voting logic in mind: to negate votes for Obama on two counts: (1) because he's black; and (2) because is he were to win, he'd be too formidable for the Republican nominee to defeat. (Incidentally, these people pull the lever for Republibubbas FOR LIFE. No matter who's running, no matter who the Democrat opponent is, no matter the economic circumstances... These same people would vote Republican if the platform were to raise taxes 1000%; if the platform were to declare a world war on 25 countries, institute the draft, and deploy 30 million people.)

I am 35, single with no children so i would like to live close to some decent bars and nightlife.

Your biological clock is ticking down; you're dangerously close to broaching "that scary age" -- you know, for pumping out a kid and/ or gettin' hitched.

Again, your blind luck is impeccable, or you've masterfully chosen the veritable Valhalla for your particular needs. Southside -- and most of B'ham in general -- is awash in watering holes (no pun intended: this forum's readership knows well my loathing of lame punning).

Corner bars, neighborhood bars, hipster bars, alt bars, biker bars, South of the Border bars, small music venues, medium-to-large music venues, gay bars, upscale martini bars, pizza joints that are really bars, Mexican fusion restaurants that are really bars Irish pubs, Manhattan-style frou-frou eateries with beautiful people sitting at the maple bar, strip joints with perverts drooling on the bar, oyster bars, etc. You name it.

Birmingham is a big drinking town and a surprisingly good hook-up town. Just amble on in (you don't need be scantily clad, but it helps), flaunt your wares, be friendly, drink heavily, talk about football and golf, and wham! -- it'll happen. Guar-on-teed.

Seriously. I give you a 100% chance of "getting lucky." Depending on your appearance and "game," I give you a 75-100% chance of finding a sperm donor and/ or "hubby" (as they say in the South) utilizing this method. And you should be able to make pretty quick work of the deal.

Where to look to find the smorgasbord of bars from which you can select? Go to the Black and White. Another tip: any spot in and around Five Points is prime for facilitating the ole pink panty pull down. Check the club and bar listings in the City Scene.

Who knows, with your proclivity for good luck, maybe you'll get some hits right here on the forum board. There seem to be a host of middle-aged and young, "successful," right-wingers who love Birmingham on this forum. Maybe they'll love you too. Or at least point you in the right direction -- to where they've been able to rack up their high conquest quotients.

Just call me Chuck Woolery.

[cpg35223]

Originally Posted by san phlegmatico

Birmingham is Golf Mecca. OK, maybe second fiddle to Augusta, GA and St. Andrews, Scotland. But we got more khaki-panted, visor-wearing, pot-bellied, cigar smoking golfers per capita than you can shake a nine iron at. I don't know if your relocating to Golfingham -- er, Birmingham -- was with its ginormous population of golfers in my mind (correctly pronounced: "gulf," by the way, by the country club set)... If by chance it wasn't, well, you've hit a hole in one anyway (foreshadowing of things to come, in more ways than one). Maybe you hit on some blind luck!

Here's the kicker: Birmingham is right of Attilla the Hun politically. Conservative you asked for; conservative you shall get! Congratulations, you've just moved to that peculiar locale that's known for sending those anomalic emails to the O'Reilly Factor: the ones that say "Dear Bill, you are such a vile, disgusting liberal... "

I know quite a few Birminghamians who voted for Hillary Clinton in the recent Democratic primary with this sophisticated right-wing voting logic in mind: to negate votes for Obama on two counts: (1) because he's black; and (2) because is he were to win, he'd be too formidable for the Republican nominee to defeat. (Incidentally, these people pull the lever for Republibubbas FOR LIFE. No matter who's running, no matter who the Democrat opponent is, no matter the economic circumstances... These same people would vote Republican if the platform were to raise taxes 1000%; if the platform were to declare a world war on 25 countries, institute the draft, and deploy 30 million people.)




Your biological clock is ticking down; you're dangerously close to broaching "that scary age" -- you know, for pumping out a kid and/ or gettin' hitched.

Again, your blind luck is impeccable, or you've masterfully chosen the veritable Valhalla for your particular needs. Southside -- and most of B'ham in general -- is awash in watering holes (no pun intended: this forum's readership knows well my loathing of lame punning).

Corner bars, neighborhood bars, hipster bars, alt bars, biker bars, South of the Border bars, small music venues, medium-to-large music venues, gay bars, upscale martini bars, pizza joints that are really bars, Mexican fusion restaurants that are really bars Irish pubs, Manhattan-style frou-frou eateries with beautiful people sitting at the maple bar, strip joints with perverts drooling on the bar, oyster bars, etc. You name it.

Birmingham is a big drinking town and a surprisingly good hook-up town. Just amble on in (you don't need be scantily clad, but it helps), flaunt your wares, be friendly, drink heavily, talk about football and golf, and wham! -- it'll happen. Guar-on-teed.

Seriously. I give you a 100% chance of "getting lucky." Depending on your appearance and "game," I give you a 75-100% chance of finding a sperm donor and/ or "hubby" (as they say in the South) utilizing this method. And you should be able to make pretty quick work of the deal.

Where to look to find the smorgasbord of bars from which you can select? Go to the Black and White. Another tip: any spot in and around Five Points is prime for facilitating the ole pink panty pull down. Check the club and bar listings in the City Scene.

Who knows, with your proclivity for good luck, maybe you'll get some hits right here on the forum board. There seem to be a host of middle-aged and young, "successful," right-wingers who love Birmingham on this forum. Maybe they'll love you too. Or at least point you in the right direction -- to where they've been able to rack up their high conquest quotients.

Just call me Chuck Woolery.

Ah, SP. The details of your death are greatly exaggerated, I see.

You'll have to ignore our resident flake. He keeps having to move home to Birmingham because he can't make it elsewhere--but he keeps taking it out on the city and his poor benighted parents.

[seekinghome]

Don't even read the post following your original post.
If I were your age and life position, I would try to live in Homewood. Check it out. I think it would fit the lifestyle that you are hoping for. Birmingham is a great place, you will love it here. Welcome!

[Bravo35223]

I recommend Homewood too...very safe and only five minutes from downtown.

Birmingham is indeed loaded with bars and restaurants and it has extremely liberal laws about operating hours: Bars may be open seven days a week, 24 hours a day, except between 3 am and Noon on Sunday mornings.

There's an abundance of live music and tons of golf courses.

Once you establish Alabama residency, bring your state drivers license to the Robert Trent Jones Golf Trail facility in Oxmoor Valley and buy a "Trail Card". They cost only $45 and provide substantial discounts at all RTJ trail facilities across the state. Available to Alabama residents only and worth every penny.

Other good courses in the area include:

1) Highland Park. Located downtown and believe me there will be tons of guys there.

2) Ballantrae. 20 miles south of downtown.

3) Limestone Springs. 25 miles Northeast of downtown and listed by Golf Digest at one of the Top 100 Public Courses in the US.

4) Eagle Point....on US 280.

5) Bent Brook....on I-459.

Good luck and let us knowhow we can help!

[san phlegmatico]

The details of your death are greatly exaggerated

San Phlegmatico the First is INDEED dead. (R.I.P.)

If you're confusing the two of us, could it be that my first blast was uncanny? Freakishly un-ersatz? Thank ye, O highest compliment!

I am SP the Second, his humble successor and heir to a modest collection of a library of classics, a rucksack, and some bric-a-brac. Using his (in?)famous C-D account. Banging away on his immortal 1997 pale gray HP keypad -- some key markings now fully worn off.

By the way, my eulogy to SP and opening shot over the bow regarding the nature of my new postership were eviscerated. If any of you aren't understanding this new arrangement, it might be because the necessary context was run over by the bowdlerizer.

I am flattered and emboldened by your confusing our old friend SP with little old me, cpg. Who knew I'd hit a dinger with my first turn at bat? (Speaking of home runs, here's hoping the OP catches a hanging curve.) After all, I did promulgate a kindler, gentler, less cynical viewpoint. Maybe it turns out I'm just as cynical, just as misanthropic as the late Babe Ruth of screeds. Maybe I've long been a closeted cynical screwball; or maybe in consorting with SP the First I've acquired his high hard one. Could it be that SP the First saw himself in me and thus bestowed his moniker upon me?...... I swelleth with pride! O that I could be King!...

I AM SAN PHLEGMATICO!!

You can't hide
your lionize
And your vile
is a thin disguise


P.S. So that this post can be considered relevant, allow me to recommend SP the First's and my three favorite spots for whetting ye ole whistle. Don't worry, you won't see me there; I gave up drinking when I realized I'd be shouldering this most demanding new burden of wearing the SP mantle.

1. O.T.'s

2. Blue Monkey

3. Egan's, of Tuscaloosa

--SP II

[fishmonger]

Birmingham isn't conservative, Birmingham is filled with crazy liberals who think those who spill their seed should be allowed to live and they refuse to send the utterers of profane words to the gallows! I'm the only real American here.