Snow?....Stuck at work??? (condo, hotel, home)

[Caleb Longstreet]

Ahhhhhh, we are now having our somewhat bi-annual "snow-jam"...time to reflect on what to do to kill the rest of the waning day.....me? I'm content listening to the weather and traffic reports wondering what on earth is possessing everyone for bailing all at once....

Kind of like the Hunter-Killer Helo teams in Afghanistan...sure, you can "run/drive" but, you are just going to die/arrive tired....what's the point. Being a somewhat observant of the human species, I've notice some rhythms in society that never seem to dissipate and yet only expose themselves when it snows.....

Office: The new battleground. Sure, it's not usually sexy but, it is indeed, full of good fun. Right now there are a myriad of "Larry the Lounge Lizards" and "Susy the Muffin" just itching to get that certain someone away from work and accidentally on purpsose, in their bed, car, truck, whatever.

Well hot-rod, here's your chance. While your "teammates" (as if) are out there spinning their wheels, literally, YOU now have the closing window of opportunity to entice said target to your way of thinking. This will not be easy young man. The journey is filled with traps and horrors. Most STD's you can live through but, that errant pregnancy is a real killer. With this in mind, I suggest you take the following and prepare yourself for what could be one exciting night or one absolute disaster. Better than X-Box.

Stop at Wang Chung's or Mr. Patels convenience store in your building lobby or nearby convenience and/or drug store. CASUALLY spy the aisles and when no one is within ear shot, ASK for where the condoms are. This is a big step you sneaky guy but, one that is unfortunately necessary in today's world. Once you have located said repository of said condoms, choose CAREFULLY.

While YOU may think you are ready for the "MAGNUM: take a good, long, hard look at yourself and ask....REALLY?...if necessary, take a peek at a stall and ask if Viagra or Levitra (my favorite) can REALLY overcome all of......that? If you have any doubt, settle on the more mundane....stick with brand names because buddy, your life is depending on it. We all like to save where we can but, this NO time to pick up "Uncle Eddy's 3 for 1 special".

Latex, like all Chinese products, has come a long, long way. And, being Chinese, they are really in agreement with you as they don't want anymore kids, either. Unlike the Chinese though, they are mucho more expensive here my friend and frankly, I don't want to pay for YOUR kids, either because YOU decided to save a nickel or two...tsk...tsk....

Cute though they/he/she/it may be, I'm slap a$$ full. I'm good. So are all the other readers. Your 12 seconds of playing king kong can cost me a lot so, buckle up cowboy and buy the latex that gives but, does not break. Word.

Now, the setup. Women love to be swooned. Swoon away maestro because you now have $12 invested and if the roles were reversed, she would slam your gams in that "penny pool" in the lobby if given half a chance. Chicks don't waste money. That's what we are supposed to do....on THEM.....capiche? So, CASUALLY ask her to join you for drinks at some less-than-smelly-wood bar nearby. Also, please note where the no-tell, motels lie. You MAY need one. Start the conversations off with the same ol' useless drivel like "wow, can you believe the snow?"...totally lame and yet, not in the least leading....see where it goes. If she likes "wine", ply her with the biggest damn goblet they have and doooooon't stop and debate seconds.

Wine is to women in Georgia what beer is to men on weekends. A natural. Good thing for you thought that wine contains up to 3 times the alcohol! WIIIIN!!!!!!!!! If she gets through the second bucket/goblet quickly, line up that motel reservation NOW. Then, casually send her to the fried snacks that are invariably given out at such establishments.....if she likes them, not much you say is going to dissuade her from an aggressive role in the hay so have at it Garth, party on!!!

Assuming that you landed the latest Kelly Girl, the next part can be a bit tricky. The departure. It's not like flipping off a balance beam in front of an Olympic committee so relax. It's a simple procedure after the "procedure". With any luck she's going to be a bit disoriented....still....from last nights "non-planned activities" so tread lightly. Offer Breakfast...in bed....NOT because you are a gentleman or anything BUT, because you don't want to be spied by your boss who may have just done the same thing in the same hotel and is now downstairs watching you in the restaurant.....no....stick to room service....safe, discreet, and totally private.

When she finally comes around, you can treat it like.....like.....a boxing match....you both had fun and now, you must both leave and head to your separate "corners". Let her go first. Listen to the door. If she happens to have run into anyone you will be able to deny until the cows come home. Make sure you take the stairs. Giver her ample time to curse and hire a cab. You? Stay low, grab one of those obligatory newspapers they give out as no one reads them so you should be able to scoop one up.

OPEN it....WIDELY......peek over the top and when ready, give the "valet" your ticket.....depart and take sideroads.......you just can't be too careful with these things......

For the rest? Fantasize about the 5'10" goddess that works in your office that you will never, ever get. Sure, it may not be as fun but, you WILL save a bundle. Either way, you win!!! What your home life lacks in excitement is more than made up for in savings. Not bad.

So....watch the snow....imagine the horrors currently underway but, make your move quickly as they are "filling up" by the hour.....

Ciao

[ATLTJL]

Hmmm. I never quite looked at it that way before.

[AnsleyPark]

My goodness. I think you should post this in the relationships forum!

[Lady's Man]

Lol what the ****?

[Iconographer]

Did I accidentally download on Kindle Fire?

[donald cherry]

man ,I got to move down there. some cheap wine and a hotel room and some snow..............wow..............it could happen??????????????????