[Rainbow Island]

The doctors funeral
A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate
funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life... A huge
heart... covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service
as all the doctors from the hospital sat in awe. Following the eulogy,
the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed,
sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever..

At that point, one of the mourners just -burst- into laughter. When all
eyes stared at him, he said, 'I am so sorry, I was just thinking of my
own funeral... I'm a gynecologist.

The proctologist fainted.

[sandgirl]

One stormy winter morning an obviously anxious mother called the school office to ask if her son's bus had gotten there safely. She was asked, "What is your son's name and what grade is he in?" A giggle followed a pause. "Oh, my son's not a student. He's the bus driver."

[wconell]

Man comes home from Church with two black eyes.
A friend asked him how that happened.
The man said "Well, when we all stood up to sing, i noticed the ladies dress in front of me was stuck between her cheeks and I thought I would be nice a pull it out- that's when she turned and smacked me in the eye".
"Yea"?- said the freind. "But how did you get the other black eye"?
The man said "Well, the next time we stood up, I thought I would be nice and tuck it back in".

[sandgirl]

A traveler's car broke down. It was too late to call for assistance from a garage, so he walked over to a nearby farmhouse, where, to his surprise, he encountered a farmer's lovely daughter. Hearing his plight, the farmer's daughter offered him a night's lodging. The traveler accepted and was shown to a pleasant bedroom. Later as he lay thinking of the maiden, there was a knock on the door and the voice of the farmer's daughter asking if he was still awake. The traveler said, "I'm still up. Come in." Wearing the briefest of nighties, the farmer's daughter entered and asked, "Are you lonely?"

The traveler said, "I certainly am."

The farmer's daughter said, "I'm glad, because I've got another traveler outside who needs a room."

[sandgirl]

TECH SUPPORT: If the computer goes to sleep just hit any key to wake it up.

CUSTOMER: Uh, I can't find it.

TECH SUPPORT: Can't find what, sir?

CUSTOMER: The "any key." Where is it?

TECH SUPPORT: It's just any key, sir. Just hit any key.

CUSTOMER: I'm telling you I can't find the "any key"! Don't you understand English?

[sandgirl]

HUSBAND: Where is yesterday's newspaper?

WIFE: I wrapped the garbage in it.

HUSBAND: Darn it! I wanted to see it.

WIFE: There wasn't much to see -- just some orange peels and coffee grounds.

[sandgirl]

A man phoned the fire department and said: "I have just had my front yard landscaped, I have nice new flowerbeds, a rose border, a new fish pond and a fountain."

"Very nice," said the fire chief, "but what does that have to do with the fire service?"

The caller said: Because next door's house is on fire, and I don't want your men trampling all over my front yard!"

[Rainbow Island]

A man dies suddenly and appears before the pearly gates of Heaven. He's greeted by St. Peter who says, "You're welcome here, but in order to get in you have to pass a spelling test". "Ok" says the man, "what's the word?". St. Peter says, "Love". The man spells "l-o-v-e" and St. Peter says, "Good, come in, but would you mind watching the gate while I take a break?, but don't let anyone in if they can't pass the test". The man says "Ok". A bit later the man's wife shows up. The man says, "Honey, what are you doing here!!? The wife says, "Well dear, I was just so sad when you passed away I think I died of a broken heart". The man says, "Yes dear, but in order to let you in I must ask you to spell a word". She says, "Ok, what's the word?" The man says, "Czechoslovakia"

[Rainbow Island]

Doctors vs. Gun Owners
Doctors

(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000.

(B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000.

(C) Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171.

Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of Health & Human Services.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Now think about this:

Guns

(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000.

(B) The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups, is 1,500.

(C) The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .000188.

Statistics courtesy of FBI

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

So, statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners!

Remember, "Guns don't kill people, doctors do."

Fact: Not everyone has a gun, but almost everyone has at least one doctor.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Please alert your friends to this alarming threat.

We must ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Out of concern for the public at large, I withheld the statistics on

Lawyers

For fear the shock would cause people to panic and seek medical attention.

[Rainbow Island]

Losing Your Friends
Man comes home, finds his wife in bed with his best friend.
He shoots and kills the best friend.
Wife says "If you keep on behaving like this, you're going to lose ALL your friends!"