[snapper54]

A little old drunk in a trench coat had to take a leak so he walked out the back door of the tavern and went in the alley. When he cam back in he had blood all over him. The bartender asked him what happen. He told the bartender that he had caught him self in his zipper and cut it off. The bartender said oh my god you have to be kidding me. The dunk said he was'nt and that he had it in his right pocket. He reached in his pocket, pull out his hand and held out to the bartender and said see. The bartender look and said that's not it it's a cigar butt. The drunk said opps it must be in the other pocket and reached in and pulled his hand out to show the bartender and said see. The bartender looked again and said, you idiot that's a cigar butt too. The little drunk looked him right in the eye and said oops I must have smoked it.

[snapper54]

This old couple were setting at the breakfast table the morning of their 50th anniversary. The old guy looks acoss the table and say that if this was 50 yrs ago we would be naked right now. The old lady look across the table and says lets go for it. So they got naked. The old guy look back across the table and says you know your still as hot as you ever were. She say I know. My left boob is hing in my coffee, and my right ones in my oatmeal.

[sandgirl]

A young priest was sent to a very small church in the backwoods of Alaska. After a couple of years the Bishop decided to pay the priest a visit to see how he was doing. The priest said that it was a really lonely job and that he didn't think that he could have made it without his Rosary and two martinis each day. With that the priest asked the Bishop, "Would you like to have a martini with me?" The Bishop said, "Yes, that would be nice." The priest turned around and hollered toward the kitchen, "Rosary, would you fix us two martinis please?"

[sandgirl]

MEN/WOMEN

MEN:

1. All men are extremely busy.

2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.

3. Although they have time for women, many don't really appreciate them.

4. Although many don't appreciate them, they always have one around.

5. Although they always have one around them, many try their luck with others.

6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off if the woman leaves them.

7. Although the woman leaves them they still don't learn from their mistakes and still try their luck with others.

WOMEN:

1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.

2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes and stuff.

3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.

4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.

5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "an old rag".

6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still expect you to compliment them.

7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't believe you.

[snapper54]

In the beginning god created man, then he rested. Then he created woman, and know one has rested sense.

[snapper54]

This old timer had to go to the doc and could not hear very well so he would take his wife with when he went. They were setting in the waiting room and they called out his name. He looked at his wife and said, what did they say. She shouted real loud and told him that they call his name and it was his turn to see the doc. They went in and the doc told him to get up on the table. He turned to his wife and said, what did he say. His wife shouted real loud that he wants you to get up on the table. He gave him a complete check up. He told him that he wanted him to come back next week. again he turned to his wife and said, what did he say. She shouted and said he wants you to come back next week. The doc then said I want you to bring a urine sample, sperm sample, anda stool sample back with you. Again he turned to his wife and ask what he said. She shouted real loud and said, when you come back next week he wants you to bring your under short with you.

[sandgirl]

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'

A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?' The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'

[snapper54]

I would like to apologize for going over board with the last joke I post. I got caught up and should have known better. I sorry.

[snapper54]

One sunday while the church was full satan appeared and everyone started screaming and run in fear. After a few minutes the church was emptied all but one old guy. Satan walked over to the guy and asked. Don't you know who I am? The guy said yes I do. Then satan ask. Are'nt you going to run? He said nope sure ain't. Puzzled satan ask why are'nt you afraid of me? The man replied, heck I've been married for over 40 yrs to your sister.

[thewizard16]

Originally Posted by snapper54

one sunday while the church was full satan appeared and everyone started screaming and run in fear. After a few minutes the church was emptied all but one old guy. Satan walked over to the guy and asked. Don't you know who i am? The guy said yes i do. Then satan ask. Are'nt you going to run? He said nope sure ain't. Puzzled satan ask why are'nt you afraid of me? The man replied, heck i've been married for over 40 yrs to your sister.

:d