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Oh No!! I am newly divorced and following my husband to the PNW so we can have equal time with our daughter.
I hate to hear what you all are saying. I moved from lifelong home (Fairfax, VA) to Dallas 15 years ago. I have NEVER fit in here in Dallas and feel the same as you do about the PNW...
I'm approaching 50 and am starting life again so to speak. I certainly am assuming I will make friends and hopefully a very close special friend Is this not a good area for a newly divorced 50 yo woman....lol...that's a joke...perhaps Wyoming would be the best choice
God help me...
A.
The people up here are very kind and upbeat... at least the ones I have encountered in the almost 2 years I have been here. I am just finding it difficult to make freinds because I work from home and tend to be a work-a-holic. The few times I get out there to socialize I find people already have their groups and are very tight and family oriented. My kids are grown and live all over the US.
I know that for many of you, it's hard to be single & newly divorced. Been there/done that. If you're looking for friends in general, try the Sierra Club (they go hiking, camping & going other outdoor activities). There are branches all over the U.S. & in every state. You can also go to make-friends sites (e.g. Matchmaker or Match.com), search for men or women friends for your area. Each area also has local Weekly newspapers or regular newspapers with ads in which you can find volunteer groups, computer user groups, or whatever your interests are. Or better, place one yourself.
Now, a special someone…I know something about that. My husband & I met on Match.Com. We've been married for almost 10 years (Valentine's Day 1997 is our anniversary). We were friends for about a year before we met face-to-face. I lived in Seattle (20 years), he lived in Fullerton, CA. His comment to my email was: "are you really in Seattle? If you are, don't you think 1000 miles is too far to date?" I told him that I didn't think 1000 miles was too far to be friends. My daughter & I travel down to CA a couple times a year so we could camp or hike. That started a wonderful friendship. We emailed for a few months, then we calling each other. We talked about wine, food, kids, priorities, why we got divorced & tons of other stuff…we had a lot in common, but were still meeting other people on Match.com & other venues (like the Sierra Club--he belonged to them, the Mountaineers--specific to Seattle, & other singles events & groups). One of the guys I met asked me to marry him & started introducing me to his family, starting with his Grandmother...let's say that she & I remained friends (she died last November), but he did exactly what she told me he'd do--dumped me..so I wasn’t too heartbroken.
I told Lance about it. He suggested that we split the air fare (so I wouldn't feel obligated) & I'd come down to spend New years with him...so I flew down Dec. 30, 1996, he proposed Dec. 31 & I accepted Jan. 1 the day before I flew back to Seattle with an engagement ring. I was single for 12 years before I met him. He was single for 8 years. We each had a daughter: his daughter (Andrea) 10 mos. older than my daughter (Alexandria). I'm 4 days older than he is, so we're peers. And I cannot imagine being with anyone else, not that it couldn't happen... But is is rather scary.
Making friends is the same as any other relationship & you need to really work at them & it is never easy. So meet your friends & build a relationship, then work at it. I've noticed that as I get older, I want to stay more insular & I can't let myself do that because I need the support. Especially women, as they get older, they need to meet other friends to keep their support around them. It's not easy being divorced, but it's even harder to be divorced & not have any friends...whom do you talk to. Yes, you can talk to people on line & make friends, but as you said, they're too far away to benefit. However, there are people near you. Join one of the Red Hat groups--you only have to be 50, & build a support group there. Start your own local group for whatever your interests are. One of the things I'm good at is helping people find out about themselves so they can find people who fit them.
I used to run Jet Set Singles for 2.5 years in Southern California, a newsletter for singles' events so single people could meet each other. I had gatherings at the Huntington Library/gardens, at the Movies, at dance lessons, at the Getty Museum (very popular), hiking in the mountains, hiking in Peters Canyon, hiking to the Bridge to Nowhere, & other events. I made 3 close women friends & two men friends in SoCal from that newsletter/group out of the hundreds who told me, "Let's Do Lunch," & I've been gone from SoCal for 6 years (we lived in NoCal for 2).
I was already married when I started Jet Set Singles, so I wanted to help other singles, but I also made some terrific women friends along the way. Status & money are not everything...Heart, Soul, a Sense of Humor, Common & Uncommon interests are at the heart of the matter, whether love interests or friends, but you also have to have enough differences to share with the person to keep things interesting. Friendship or love interest—they’re both relationships & both are important.
If your newly divorced, give yourself 6 months to a year before you begin dating again. Find out who you are now that you're not Mrs. whomever. Who is this single woman or man you've become? Enjoy who you are getting to know, you're finding out who you really are & what you like...that person can be one of your best friends & keep you out of trouble.
So, I hope that helps for friends or a special friend. I wish you all the luck in the world to find both or either & most of all-- be your own best friend until you can find someone to be either your friend or your special friend.
Jet
Last edited by lady_jet; 01-24-2007 at 05:56 PM..
Reason: mispelled word
I moved to WA eight years ago from a close, warm neighborhood in No. CA. I have never really made any comfortable, relaxed "let get together for a BBQ tonight" sort of friends while living here. People are very polite, but as open as I have been in inviting them to my home - things never progressed beyond a friendly chat or neighborly wave. It seems like the people had a pre-set amount of friends they are interested in having and they has no interest in having any more. And I did try, joined a professional club, I have been active in a local service club but no interaction outside of the scheduled meetings.
I have bought a new home back in No. CA, I'll be back home by April 1st! - I have lived in this in more that one way "Chilly" climate......
We just moved our whole fam, 3 kids, dogs and my husband and I - from the Seattle area to Austin.
It's NOT just you. It's how the area is. I just read a PI link that a friend sent me on this very subject. People are friendly on the outside, but it's true, it's very difficult to have that grow into anything meaningful, or more than just a wave at the mailbox. It's kind of a running joke there - with everyone I have ever talked to anyway... it's not going to change...
All of this time I thought it was just me, I've made few friends in 11 years here, I thought it was me, that I'm some sort of a jerk (well actually I may very well be) but in any case, I've found myself being more withdrawn and less outgoing the longer I live here.
As many have said, and done, I'm thinking about leaving this area soon. Between the clouds, rain and traffic I don't hardly leave the house anymore, too much trouble.
People are passively friendly here, I agree to that, talk to someone and they will answer, but it doesn't keep going usually, very self absorbed I suppose.
I'm thinking TN may be a good place to go, but I won't know if we like it there until we get there and of course by then it's too late.
Take care,
p.s. WA is lovely and I do like the coolness of the weather, just not some of the people, but at least it's better than the NE and F bombs all the time
First, I want to say thanks for the post on this topic. My husband I are currently living in the SF Bay Area and we are considering moving in order to buy a nice house in a nice city and start a family. We are liberal, enjoy the diverse ethnicity of the bay area, love the outdoors and actually don't care much for the hot sunny days (he burns easily and I get too hot!). So, Vancouver B.C., Seattle, Portland and Denver are on our minds as possible locations. But, over and over again, all I hear about Seattle is how difficult it is to make friends and by this I mean, to really make the place feel like home. And afterall, isn't that what everyone wants when they move somewhere new?
So, my question is first, is this going to be a problem for us (my husband is 31 and is an engineer and I am 27 and make documentaries, no kids)? I am wondering how much of the problem is the age group. Secondly, there are so many Californians moving to Seattle and Portland that there have actually been backlashes by the locals against us newbies. If this is true, why don't the Californians get together and make Seattle/Portland a friendlier place??? According to the locals, there ought to be enough of us! :P
Anyway, I think it's difficult to make friends in general, outside of work or going to school. I just want to know if for some reason there is any truth to the notion that Seattle and the NW in general is worse than any other place. Thanks!
I have read most of the post on this thread and for the life of me I can't understand where people are coming from maybe its because I'm a native. But in all fairness to W. Washington or basically Seattle, 60 percent of all people who live here are from someplace else. Generally when people move they bring their attitudes and culture with them most don't adapt or have the when in Rome do what the Romans do attitude.
Since I have been on these forums all hear is how Seattle/Washington State is not this nor that and never about what it is whether its the weather or the people. I'm a native of Seattle area and growing up me and people I knew family or friends we didn't think twice about the weather I don't know maybe we were all ignorant or maybe we were busy living life to notice. I recall being outdoors during all seasons winter, spring, summer, and fall. I also remember enjoyable summers SPENT OUT SIDE.
I hate to use generalizations but true pacific northwesterners are easy going and mild manner to a fault and pretty astute when it comes to people willingly or unwillingly offending us or our home. So if someone from someplace else says something offenisive a person from the northwest instead of taking that person to task over the comment will give them the cold shoulder. No offense to people from California but most that I have encountered not all are very arrogant and you can see from the comments being made by some people on these forums why a native would become anti-social.
News flash Seattle nor Washington State is California or for that matter any other place in the US thats what makes us unique. Either except it or move on but don't ruin it for those of us who truly love it here!!!
Don't worry, I don't think you will have any problems. Maybe my advice might not have too much weight to is as I am pretty young and I was born and raised in WA. What I can tell you is that Washingtonians are extremely kind and warm-hearted, but at the time we are not desperate to make friends all the time and need constant companionship. We are social and friendly, but it might take some time to make friends. Don't get discouraged though, once you start making friends you will have more than you need. All you need is one friend really and they just start rolling in. And as a 50 year old divorcee I don't think you will have any problems finding a special friend. I have noticed that people in Washington tend to find beauty in people at any age and you'll be beating them away with a stick. Hope this is helpful, just don't get discouraged or too lonely. But if you do there are so many events and clubs you can participate in I am sure it will be easy to meet someone!
I totally agree with you. I am from and have grown up in Western Washington and have never minded the weather nor noticed it to be anything but normal. Actually I like it because all the rain keeps everything nice and green. As for the generalization... it is relatively true. We are really mild and easy going, but that may be difficult for people from the east coast or california to understand. it is a different kind of attitude. I love W. Washington. I have lived in other places, but always find that Washington/Seattle is where I want to be.
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Is this not a good area for a newly divorced 50 yo woman....lol...that's a joke...perhaps Wyoming would be the best choice
Single in Any State
I have noticed that people in Washington tend to find beauty in people at any age and you'll be beating them away with a stick. Hope this is helpful, just don't get discouraged or too lonely. But if you do there are so many events and clubs you can participate in I am sure it will be easy to meet someone!
