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I recently read an article about elder orphans and it dawned on me that all my husband and I have is each other. Our daughter estranged herself not only from us but from her own children. Sure, she pays her child support but otherwise doesn't talk to them. Our son-in-law and the kids used to be about 2 hours away by car so we would see them frequently. Then he and the kids moved across the country.
Here are a couple of articles that discuss this issue:
Here's a story about a man who called 911 after he came home from the hospital and didn't have any food in his house. Plus, he had no one who could help him out:
Do any of you worry about being in such a situation as you age?
There was a time in our lives where we thought that our daughter would always be in our lives and we never expected the turn of events that happened to us.
I'll be 38 Monday. That feels so odd to say. I've never been married and don't have any kids. At this point, having kids is basically in the rearview mirror. Sometimes I feel like marriage is too. My girlfriend of three years is eleven years older than me with no remaining close family. She's said years ago that she isn't really interested in remarrying, but wants me to sell my place and move in with her. Who knows where that's going
I've watched my grandparents and other elderly family members struggle living around here. Everything is so spread out and there is very little in the way of public transit/rideshare services. If you can't drive or have someone to take you often, it's very easy to become housebound.
And there's no guarantee that the family would be willing or even able to take care of you. My mother taking my grandmother out now is a situation of two old ladies both shuffling around. Mom is more "with it" mentally, but she's very limited in her own mobility and a fall risk herself. She's barely able to take care of herself, much less anyone else.
These threads, unfortunately, get taken over by people who are not (potential) elder orphans. Since we are in the same category, I am hoping this thread would be different but am pessimistic. I look forward to seeing how this progresses and contributing if it stays on track.
I recently read an article about elder orphans and it dawned on me that all my husband and I have is each other. Our daughter estranged herself not only from us but from her own children. Sure, she pays her child support but otherwise doesn't talk to them. Our son-in-law and the kids used to be about 2 hours away by car so we would see them frequently. Then he and the kids moved across the country.
Here are a couple of articles that discuss this issue:
Here's a story about a man who called 911 after he came home from the hospital and didn't have any food in his house. Plus, he had no one who could help him out:
Do any of you worry about being in such a situation as you age?
There was a time in our lives where we thought that our daughter would always be in our lives and we never expected the turn of events that happened to us.
I recall your thread about the family situation. Have the sides hardened or are you continuing to reach out? Please do not give up! The road may not be easy but situations do change.
You do have each other and you can build a new circle.
I am in a similar situation, but I moved 1000 miles away from my closest family so some of it is by preference rather than by mortality or family circumstances. My parents passed in the 1990s and my spouse in 2007. I have one older sibling that I keep in touch with. I have a daughter in the same city. But I have been essentially on my own for the past 17 years. I think that I have created a strong network of friendships over the past 50 years, and I stay in touch with them to the point that if I show up destitute on their doorstep, they will take me in if needed. And I would do the same for them. Some I see every week, some only once a year.
Family dynamics are very complicated, and friendships can be more straightforward and based on shared values, experiences, and ideas rather than family lineage or relationships. Being away from family is not always a bad thing.
I was never interested in a senior 55+ community but I can see where that might be an answer at some point. I was recently in the hospital with sepsis (healthy outcome) and my daughter, and local friends were very supportive in my recovery.
We all become orphans at some point. Some years ago, I was a contributor to an anthology published by the Late Orphan Project (there were two anthologies). What I learned from that effort was that family relationships are varied, loving, and sometimes dysfunctional or are perceived (or experienced) as dysfunctional by one surviving sibling compared to others in the family. I have a cousin who fits that (victimhood) model when everyone else in the family has a totally different experience. There are unspoken father/son and mother/daughter hostilities or resentments that grow larger over time even after the parent is gone. There are long-lasting sibling rivalries and divergent memories of family life. My mother argued with her older sister for 80 years over insignificant things that happened before 1920.
Quote:
The two anthologies are free on Amazon Kindle...
These Winter Months: The Late Orphan Project Anthology
These Summer Months: Stories from The Late Orphan Project
That's only the answer for those that can afford to move into a 55 community.
55+ communities come in all price ranges. Some include all sorts of included amenities. Others are rather bare bones as far as included amenities. But in all cases, you will have neighbors with something in common with which to communicate and share.
Many individuals work out informal arrangements with each other to check on each other frequently and, if needed, to provide transportation to doctors, hospitals, etc. Some even form informal groups so that you are not dependent solely on one person.
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