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I absolutely worry about this. My family has never been close nit, largely due to everyone being all over the place (the paternal side of my family is in Europe and my maternal side is dysfunctional). Neither I nor my only sibling has any children. My husband similarly isn't close with his family for various reasons. I do have two stepsons, but they were not young kids when I married their father and I never lived with them.
We moved recently and I hope to be able to make some friends in our new community but my husband is not overly social. He was not interested in a 55+ community but if he predeceases me I will likely look to move into one since at that point it will really only be me, unless for some reason my younger sibling ends up at a loose end and we move close to one another. Right now we live about 1000 miles away from each other.
Since I will never be able to afford one of those communities...I will end up in a Medicaid nursing home...
broke,terminally sick and alone. Ain't life grand?!
We have a few people on my block who are aging out together. It's not a 55+. It's mixed and honestly I don't think I could do 55+. I do not like to deal with death a lot (been there, done that as a young person). A guy at work moved into one of those places (he's in Arizona) ahead of his retirement (by a long shot) and he had 3-4 new friends die within the first couple of months. No thanks. One of my neighbors has been a close friend of mine since I moved here 20 years ago. I am also friends with her live in boyfriend. My neighbor on the other side just moved in. She's 56, just got divorced, two sons in college and a 9 year old daughter she has 50% of the time. We are fast friends. Very bright, independent woman. She said her and her husband just fought way too much.
I was orphaned at 13. I do have family. But, my remaining 3 siblings are 14-17 years older than me (starting at 75, 77, 79) and we all live in different states. It's a long story, but, I struggled to communicate with them and finally my shrink told me it wasn't worth it. The basic premise is that they grew up together and I wasn't there because I had not been born. Then, they resented me because I had mom and dad to myself where they had to fight for every scrap of attention because there were five of them born in quick succession My parents died when I was very young so I don't understand the resentment). I have nieces and nephews and I try to relate to my nephew. They are all really high end professionals with very little time on their hands and they all live in other states...
I have friends mostly older or younger. So, my friends are my selected family.
I absolutely worry about this. My family has never been close nit, largely due to everyone being all over the place (the paternal side of my family is in Europe and my maternal side is dysfunctional). Neither I nor my only sibling has any children. My husband similarly isn't close with his family for various reasons. I do have two stepsons, but they were not young kids when I married their father and I never lived with them.
We moved recently and I hope to be able to make some friends in our new community but my husband is not overly social. He was not interested in a 55+ community but if he predeceases me I will likely look to move into one since at that point it will really only be me, unless for some reason my younger sibling ends up at a loose end and we move close to one another. Right now we live about 1000 miles away from each other.
A journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step
No, I'm not confused. My Dad lived in a 55+ community and ate in their dining room. He had made friends and they would arrange to sit at the same table together.
Clearly not all 55+ communities are the same.
Yes, you are confused.
Over time definitions narrow. A 55+ community means 55+ Active Adult.
There is no lobby. No dining room. Everyone owns their own home.
And it is less expensive than the places that have those things!
In mine you could buy a 1BR condo for about 175k. Your taxes would be about $400 a YEAR! Electric about $75 a month. Condo fees in the $200s a month but that includes quite a bit like water, sewer, trash, recycling and all of the outside stuff. The REC fee is $575 a year but that pays for 8 rec centers, 8 golf courses with cheap golf, 2 bowling centers with cheap bowling, about 130 clubs, an amphitheater, softball field, 2 county libraries, and just about every activity you could think of. A Top 100 hospital and every type of medical care a person could think of throughout the area.
Within 5 miles there more restaurants and stores than you will ever need. A casino, NFL football plus all the other things at the stadium, spring training and rookie league baseball.
The one downside is the hot summer. Doing things early or indoors works for most people.
About 38,000 people so it's easy to make friends since there are always new people moving in.
Over time definitions narrow. A 55+ community means 55+ Active Adult.
There is no lobby. No dining room. Everyone owns their own home.
Yes, you are confused.
It can also mean an 55+ apartment complex or a 55+ high-rise... so yes, there is a lobby and no one owns their apartment.
It can have a dining room, but more often has several community rooms.
Plenty of activities and usually within walking distance to amenities.
There are a variety of options, and they differ around the country!
I strongly disagree 55+ communities are the answer to elder orphans. Age alone does not equate to a community that looks out for each other. A true community involves all ages and walks of life and is cultural. Many small towns exhibit that culture and would focus on small towns where a large percentage of the population already serve as societal caretakers...i.e. universities and medical centers. Self involvement in community affairs such as volunteering in the local hospital or public schools and city operations like parks and recreation help to integrate yourself with neighbors of all ages who take an interest in your well-being or vice-versa. It truly does take a village and seniors are very much part of it.
Small towns can be very cliquey and if you didn’t grow up there you may never be accepted. These people have known each other their entire lives. This is especially true on the east coast.
I woke up very sad this morning thinking of this, a friend of more than 50 years who is an elder orphan. No siblings, no close relationship with cousins. Other than me, local friends pretty much gone.
We've been good buddies for those years although the time spent was not without tension. I used to joke it was a non-marriage that came with all the problems of a marriage - none of the benefits but all the dis-benefits. Still throughout those years I remained committed, bringing him into first my nuclear family then to my current family consisting of my local brother, daughter, and her partner.
The friend has always been somewhat of a fantasist - that's his thing, his business and I've largely stayed out of it. Finally, though, I expressed some skepticism about his current plan to age. It is to sell his home on this coast (makes sense), keep his inherited home on the west coast (debatable but whatever) then buy a new property in a HCOL SW community where he has friends to properly display his belongings. BUT ...
Problem: (1) He can't afford it, (2) He's overwhelmed by the logistics of the move (house here is stuffed with artwork, heavy furniture he doesn't want to leave behind but has no room for - anywhere), (3) He's aware of the need for an "overlooker" (doesn't ever envision himself needing a "caretaker") but does not have a good candidate.
His solution: He is to approach two women to see if one wants to "join forces" (his term). The proposal is for one to contribute 50% of the cost of a large expensive SW home that will be filled with HIS belongings. Each of the women is said to have no interest in personal design. Neither has a large extended family so he won't have to deal with their visitors. He plans to not allow pets.
He has a somewhat casual relationship with each of the women, rarely sees them, and as far as I know is not in continuous contact. One is about 25 years younger than he, financially well off and does not live in the SW community. The other is around age 30, a recent divorcee who has a young daughter. She now lives with her mom, in a large home in the expensive neighborhood he targets.
My friend's current home is close to mine, but it is very un-senior friendly. He has no local attorney. No designed POA etc. A messy financial situation, not liquid.
Over the years, he has thought of other potential caretakers: first his plan was for my daughter to take over (really?) then he moved on to another friend's stepdaughter (nope). Hearing of this last plan: I FINALLY said something, asking "Why in the world would either of these women WANT to do this?" He had no good answer, literally had never given THEIR point-of-view any thoughts, from what I can tell.
Frankly, I think his chances of leaving his current home here (where his spends most of his time and where the vast majority his belongings sit) is slim. He has talked of making this move for at least 15 years. Focused on his fantasy life in the southwest, he's let our friendship pretty much disintegrate although he tells me: "I know you'll always be there for me if I need you."
The answer is no, I won't - not at this point. A visit, a ride, some groceries- sure. The whole thing is crazy. Aging is difficult enough without this.
Every lady, your friend is very selfish. If a woman can afford to pay half of an expensive house they aren’t going to be willing to be bossed around at every turn by this guy. He’s living in a fantasy world.
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