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There are two somewhat separate issues, one is to have people who can help you out with that ride or groceries or even well-checks. The other is the oversight responsibility: who will handle the medical decisions, the endless hours of paperwork, and who can you trust with a durable poa.
The issue goes beyond trust. For example, it is quite possible to find a good elder attorney who has a fiduciary responsibility to their clients and who responsibly discharges their duties. But will they advocate for you, the client? Intervene as necessary with other institutions with their primary goal the well being of that single client not necessarily continued good relations with other players.
More, oversight is very time consuming and outside professionals, of course, charge often by the hour. Responsible fiduciaries might question whether it is, in fact, justifiable to take time-consuming actions on the behalf of their clients even if they are nominally for the client's benefit if only because the net result is it's expensive - for that client. The best path forward (for example, placement decisions) often is not clear and professionals may be more conservative in their decision-making, if only to avoid future criticism where an involved loved one might choose differently.
I don't know if this is possible: A document that places the final responsibility (legal, financial oversight) in the hands of a professional but provides for an interested person (maybe a friend or a relative who does not feel capable of fully handling a poa) to provide oversight and input to the fiduciaries that should be "considered". That could be tricky, so perhaps not. But perhaps documents like HiPPAs etc. can be prepared ahead of time that allows the professional who holds the medical poa to discuss health issues with pre-designated friends or relatives.
Just talked to a new friend who moved here at age 61, skied the black diamond, hit a tree and broke 8 vertebrae and an ankle.There's a volunteer group called Neighbor to neighbor that will be driving him to appointments (35 miles to the town hospital). Most of the drivers are older people driving each other.
His daughter came in from Hawaii to help initially. I think he should be in a rehab, not a remote cabin. Found out we do have Instacart here, which surprised me (36 miles for him).
Since I will never be able to afford one of those communities...I will end up in a Medicaid nursing home...
broke, terminally sick and alone. Ain't life grand?!
If I'm not mistaken, you've posted before about how you don't want to be around anyone, don't like people, have chosen to take the stance that people can't be trusted, and so forth. From one of your own posts:
Quote:
Reduced social circles as you age due to deaths, retirement from work, etc. plus the fact that families have decreased in size, and just the society in general becoming less outward...The political divisions, the fear of crime;all contribute to the "I have no friends" situation. As you get older you distrust people more and more; it's not a question if someone will **** you over...its a question of when they will.
From my self-admitted introverted misanthrope personality; unless the "friends" were made years ago;it is almost impossible for a grumpy old man to make friends at all...you make convenient acquaintances...business transactions when you need companionship...and trying to be nice to the people in the service industries.
Not everyone feels they can't trust anyone as they get older, has an overwhelming fear of crime, lets political divisions affect their lives, and so forth. This is the view of life YOU have chosen to run with, but it's not applicable to all or even most older people who are on their own. The fact of the matter is that you've made a conscious decision to shove people away from you, and fine, that's your choice.
I'm not talking about health issues or poverty. I sympathize with you about those situations, which are likely out of your own control. I just don't understand why "alone" is grouped with those problems, since it's what you wanted.
Introverted is not a synonym for misanthropic or antisocial. I'm not just talking about the poster I'm quoting here, but I often see that in other places on City-Data where people use being an introvert as an excuse for rudeness, meanness, grouchiness, antisocial behavior, and so forth. None of those things are what being an introvert means.
If I'm not mistaken, you've posted before about how you don't want to be around anyone, don't like people, have chosen to take the stance that people can't be trusted, and so forth. From one of your own posts:
Not everyone feels they can't trust anyone as they get older, has an overwhelming fear of crime, lets political divisions affect their lives, and so forth. This is the view of life YOU have chosen to run with, but it's not applicable to all or even most older people who are on their own. The fact of the matter is that you've made a conscious decision to shove people away from you, and fine, that's your choice.
I'm not talking about health issues or poverty. I sympathize with you about those situations, which are likely out of your own control. I just don't understand why "alone" is grouped with those problems, since it's what you wanted.
Introverted is not a synonym for misanthropic or antisocial. I'm not just talking about the poster I'm quoting here, but I often see that in other places on City-Data where people use being an introvert as an excuse for rudeness, meanness, grouchiness, antisocial behavior, and so forth. None of those things are what being an introvert means.
I have to agree with much of what you stated. I'm an introvert. I often prefer being by myself, and really dislike being the center of attention. I'm not much of a talker and am very poor at small conversation with those I don't know. I used to stutter as a little kid and had to be in speech therapy in elementary school. Even now, if I have to speak in front of a small group of people, I still catch myself beginning to stutter. I've never been very outgoing.
I remember reading stories here on CD warning people not to move to a small town. One big reason was that it would be very difficult to make any new friends. I moved to a small town anyway sometimes thinking I would be happy if people didn't throw rocks at me from what I was reading here.
I pushed myself to get out and meet people. After the first year as I felt more comfortable, I joined an organization and then another. Overall, people were welcoming and nice to me and a few personal friendships developed. I now have friends that give me free eggs from their chickens, friends I can go out for lunch or dinner or see a movie with, friends that always ask me if I need a ride anywhere. When I mentioned to a couple that I was traveling back to CA to see relatives, they offered to give me a 60 mile ride to the airport. I insisted on giving them at least gas money even though they wouldn't take it. These would have been complete strangers to me if i didn't push myself to get out of the house and gradually get to know them.
You don't have to be a lonely introvert if you make an effort. The whole world doesn't need to be your friend, but you can nurture a small number of friendships all the same if you at least try. That at least has been my experience.
Over time definitions narrow. A 55+ community means 55+ Active Adult.
There is no lobby. No dining room. Everyone owns their own home.
And it is less expensive than the places that have those things!
In mine you could buy a 1BR condo for about 175k. Your taxes would be about $400 a YEAR! Electric about $75 a month. Condo fees in the $200s a month but that includes quite a bit like water, sewer, trash, recycling and all of the outside stuff. The REC fee is $575 a year but that pays for 8 rec centers, 8 golf courses with cheap golf, 2 bowling centers with cheap bowling, about 130 clubs, an amphitheater, softball field, 2 county libraries, and just about every activity you could think of. A Top 100 hospital and every type of medical care a person could think of throughout the area.
Within 5 miles there more restaurants and stores than you will ever need. A casino, NFL football plus all the other things at the stadium, spring training and rookie league baseball.
The one downside is the hot summer. Doing things early or indoors works for most people.
About 38,000 people so it's easy to make friends since there are always new people moving in.
No, i'm not confused. His community had rental units. Some were for "active adults". That's where he started out living. As his health worsened, he moved to the assisted living area. Many such places do have dining rooms. Residents do have kitchens in their apartments and many choose to make their own meals.
Not all "active adult" communities consist of homes that one purchases. In fact, where I live now, as I write this, a high rise building meant for 55+ residents is being built. It will have many amenities and will be considered upscale.
OTOH, a Del Webb community is being built in our area. It will have homes, rental units and condos.
Believe me, we often get flyers that try to entice us to move into such communities. One we always get consists of several buildings that are 5 stories high. They offer activities for the residents and a shuttle to take them shopping. We're not interested as the area isn't walkable. After all, there may come a time where neither of us can drive anymore and we wouldn't want to get stuck in such a place.
I don't know why you think "active adult" only applies to communities with free standing homes in it when there are all sorts of options for "active adults".
And, yes, I'm familiar with Sun City and Leisure World. In fact, there is a Leisure World in our area. They have independent living, assisted living and memory care --- all on the same grounds.
I have to agree with much of what you stated. I'm an introvert. I often prefer being by myself, and really dislike being the center of attention. I'm not much of a talker and am very poor at small conversation with those I don't know. I used to stutter as a little kid and had to be in speech therapy in elementary school. Even now, if I have to speak in front of a small group of people, I still catch myself beginning to stutter. I've never been very outgoing.
I remember reading stories here on CD warning people not to move to a small town. One big reason was that it would be very difficult to make any new friends. I moved to a small town anyway sometimes thinking I would be happy if people didn't throw rocks at me from what I was reading here.
I pushed myself to get out and meet people. After the first year as I felt more comfortable, I joined an organization and then another. Overall, people were welcoming and nice to me and a few personal friendships developed. I now have friends that give me free eggs from their chickens, friends I can go out for lunch or dinner or see a movie with, friends that always ask me if I need a ride anywhere. When I mentioned to a couple that I was traveling back to CA to see relatives, they offered to give me a 60 mile ride to the airport. I insisted on giving them at least gas money even though they wouldn't take it. These would have been complete strangers to me if i didn't push myself to get out of the house and gradually get to know them.
You don't have to be a lonely introvert if you make an effort. The whole world doesn't need to be your friend, but you can nurture a small number of friendships all the same if you at least try. That at least has been my experience.
I have to agree with much of what you stated. I'm an introvert. I often prefer being by myself, and really dislike being the center of attention. I'm not much of a talker and am very poor at small conversation with those I don't know. I used to stutter as a little kid and had to be in speech therapy in elementary school. Even now, if I have to speak in front of a small group of people, I still catch myself beginning to stutter. I've never been very outgoing.
I remember reading stories here on CD warning people not to move to a small town. One big reason was that it would be very difficult to make any new friends. I moved to a small town anyway sometimes thinking I would be happy if people didn't throw rocks at me from what I was reading here.
I pushed myself to get out and meet people. After the first year as I felt more comfortable, I joined an organization and then another. Overall, people were welcoming and nice to me and a few personal friendships developed. I now have friends that give me free eggs from their chickens, friends I can go out for lunch or dinner or see a movie with, friends that always ask me if I need a ride anywhere. When I mentioned to a couple that I was traveling back to CA to see relatives, they offered to give me a 60 mile ride to the airport. I insisted on giving them at least gas money even though they wouldn't take it. These would have been complete strangers to me if i didn't push myself to get out of the house and gradually get to know them.
You don't have to be a lonely introvert if you make an effort. The whole world doesn't need to be your friend, but you can nurture a small number of friendships all the same if you at least try. That at least has been my experience.
This is great. It sounds as if you found your spot. I wish you many more years of comfortable living there.
Just talked to a new friend who moved here at age 61, skied the black diamond, hit a tree and broke 8 vertebrae and an ankle.There's a volunteer group called Neighbor to neighbor that will be driving him to appointments (35 miles to the town hospital). Most of the drivers are older people driving each other.
His daughter came in from Hawaii to help initially. I think he should be in a rehab, not a remote cabin. Found out we do have Instacart here, which surprised me (36 miles for him).
Let's hope that the tree is fine. I agree with you - he will need several months to mend plus lots of physical therapy. The story of horse and water? Please keep an eye on him!
I don't know why you think "active adult" only applies to communities with free standing homes in it when there are all sorts of options for "active adults".
They don't have to be free standing homes. There can be condos, we have 9000 of them.
As I stated in my post. Definitions narrow over time. Everything that has old people isn't what people are talking about when they say 55+. Maybe retirement community would be a better description of those places. I realize they say 55+ in their marketing but again, that isn't what most people think of when they hear those words.
We end up with this discussion every time we have threads like these. People will mention some senior section 8 place when the conversation was active adult. Some talk about the amenities where they live and someone is going to mention going to a senior center for lunch.
Remember this started when you said something about being able to afford it and I showed that is affordable for most everybody. We have small condos and million-dollar homes and everything in between.
I haven't seen any "narrow[ing] over time" regarding such descriptions.
As another poster also pointed out (did you address the other posters who agreed with me?) that active adult retirement communities come in all sorts of set ups.
An active adult community can be a high rise building with lots of amenities. I'm sure that there are Section 8 buildings where the residents are still "active". It's not like they are being confined to their apartments all the time.
Some find it wise to pick a community that has independent living, assisted living and memory care. That way, if a retiree is no longer able to be "active", s/he can transition to assisted living without having to move to another community.
If one can no longer take care of their house that they bought in an "active" community, are they able to easily sell it? Real estate articles that I've read say, depending on the shape of the housing market at the time, it may take a long time to find a buyer as it is an age restricted setting.
For those in a Sun City, Leisure World, Del Webb "active community", what happens when one needs assisted living or memory care? AFAIK, such communities don't have those options. Correct me if I'm wrong.
Otherwise, take a look around. Active adult communities come in all shapes and sizes.
Anyway, this post is about elder orphans. What do you have to say about that issue? Is it a concern of yours?
ETA: Can you point out where I mentioned the affordability of such communities? Right now, we're not considering moving to one. We are renting an apartment in a building that has residents of all ages. That said, we do have a lot of retirees like us who sold their houses and downsized. For us, renting works. Should our situation change and assisted living is called for, it would be much easier for us to move as we don't have the worry of selling a home. Our building management is good about working with seniors who find themselves having to move before their lease ends.
Last edited by BOS2IAD; Yesterday at 09:53 PM..
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