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"Gifts don't count"? Many adult children receive tens of thousands in money gifts from their aging parents every year - as well as free babysitting services, free vacations, and often free housing. I wouldn't call that independence.
Why should parents not use tax breaks by gifting what they can when their kids need it and they can afford to give it? As already said - some people enjoy being around their grandkids. Family vacation on the lake at the cabin anyone? Bring the cooler! It actually works both ways.
I actually moved back home for about six months. Suitcase and had a job two days later. SO was at a location I really could not go to. I crept back home? We had a blast and I could talk to him several times a week which was not possible from the US. Some folks prefer their kids to move back before they get into financial issues or just need a break.
You sound very jaded and actually green eyed. Give folks a break. Not everyone charges their kids rent/light/parking/toilet paper.
You had wonderful parents. Even if you didn’t exercise the option, you knew it was there, & it was genuine. You were so fortunate, & I’m happy for you, but also envious.
From what I’m reading, a lot of us, myself included, had brutal roads to “independence”. I know that mine effected me for the rest of my life & I didn’t want that for my child.
Eleven kids in the family. They said that to all of us!
Maybe it is a Hispanic thing. While growing up, our maternal grandparents lived in one house, we lived to the right of them and my uncle and his family lived on the other side.
My grandfather had purchased the property like this for the future family.
Right now my nephew and his family are living in the house.
18. I moved out of state and had roommates because I was too young then (you had to be 21) to sign a lease. A job I worked part time when I was going to college, hired me full time after I quit college. Best years of my life. Moved again. Got a full time job, went back to college at night part time, got married at 21 and finished my degree with no student debt so I could get higher paying jobs with my same employer. Got a higher paying job with the same employer and moved out of state after a divorce. Retired with a good pension after a series of higher paying jobs with the same employer and had zero debt. Moved to the state I'm in now.
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Eleven kids in the family. They said that to all of us!
Maybe it is a Hispanic thing. While growing up, our maternal grandparents lived in one house, we lived to the right of them and my uncle and his family lived on the other side.
My grandfather had purchased the property like this for the future family.
Right now my nephew and his family are living in the house.
There is a huge difference in the way families in enmeshed cultures operate and those in cultures which promote and value independence.
Most people in the world actually live in enmeshed cultures, including many in advanced western cultures such as Italy. Often moving out early is highly discouraged and there in Italy it is the norm for people to live with their families until at least late twenties.
Here in Australia, which had been a country where independence was valued, we have had seventy-five years of high immigration from all sorts of enmeshed cultures. This has impacted the real estate market in a significant way, as in these cultures it is the norm for families to help each other buy properties and often lend each other money.
This pushes up the prices and of rents (as a landlord must at least cover the costs of ownership) and makes it more difficult for young people to move out. Even those whose families would celebrate it.
Here, boomerang kids are almost ubiquitous and the bank of mum and dad is helping 70% of first home buyers.
I was 18 and still had 4 months left in my senior year of high school. I worked part-time, shared an apartment with a girl one year older, and finished out my year at school. While I don't recommend this, it was necessary due to my unhappy family situation. I moved out on the day after my 18th birthday, and never received a dime after that. I'd been paying for my own clothes and extras for 2 years by that time. I went into the USAF at age 21, got married at 23, bought my first home with my husband at 24.
I moved out at 17 (graduated HS a year early). I took care of my own affairs, neither received nor expected financial assistance from my parents. I don't recall any gifts or offers either. I lived with one of my brothers the first summer but other than that, was on my own. This was 1974.
As a result, I was pretty much an "18 and out" kind of parent, but my kids (graduated 1997 and 2004, respectively) were at the tail end of where that was feasible. College is much more expensive and student loans more predatory these days. EVERYTHING else is more expensive too. It's much more common for kids to "boomerang" -- in fact I have a 31 year old stepson living with us, although mostly because he's disabled.
I would not romanticize my age of financial independence, nor assume it's applicable today. The days when you could get a great union job after an apprenticeship and live the American Dream on the resulting income is pretty much over with. Heck, the days when a 4 year degree guaranteed a solid income is questionable; you often need a graduate degree to even have a shot at that anymore.
More an more employers these days are hiring non-college-grads.
More U.S. companies no longer requiring job seekers to have a college degree
...45% of employers surveyed by the firm said they had done away with degree requirements for certain roles over the past year. Seventy-two percent of firms said they prioritize candidates' skills and experience over the diplomas they hold, according to ZipRecruiter. ...
In my opinion, many grads are asking for ridiculously inappropriate salaries for positions that are barely above entry-level. Diplomas themselves don't actually carry the cachet with employers that they used to as college requirements have been dumbed down and new grads often lack the basic soft skills of interpersonal communication, professional behavior and dress, writing for a professional audience, work ethics, leadership, etc.
Just curious, how old were you when you achieved total independence from your parents?
At age 12, after my father unexpectedly died, I started working odd jobs & turned money over to my mom to help with family expenses. I still financially support my mom & my brother many decades later (mom is 96 & in ALF and my autistic older brother is in his early 70s attempting to live on his own).
So, I never achieved total independence: I've always provided financial support and I will continue to do so until they have passed.
Last edited by moguldreamer; 02-03-2024 at 10:07 AM..
Junior year, I asked my father to complete the Student Aid (FAFSA) for me. He said no. It wasn't anyone's business what he made or how much money he saved.
My mother divorced him a year later as he was out every night until 2 am
I attended a local community college for a year which my parents paid. For sophomore year, I applied to colleges and my mother filled out the FAFSA. Thankfully, between student loans and scholarships, I didn't need any financial help from my parents. During these three years in college, I received $60 a month from the court's child support. The day I graduated college, the support was over and my mother expected me to provide for her. For years, I bankrupted myself to support her and paid my student loans. I didn't move out until I saved enough money for two months rent - in my mid-twenties.
When she died, I received $100,000 which was what I gave her over the years. So I felt she paid me back what she owed me.
I would never do this to my own children. I saved for their college education and gave them room and board during graduate school. I've never asked for a dime for rent. I paid for their movers and brought Ikea furniture and groceries for their first apartments.
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