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You can have plenty in common and still not agree on everything. Neither of us are 'vacationers', but she'd be all in for a two week European adventure... and I couldn't care even a little bit less.
Maybe, but don't you care because it matters to your spouse? I do a lot of things I don't really want to do because it makes my spouse happy, and vice versa.
Just because it is not something you would want to do yourself, it doesn't mean it can't be fun too.
I guess if you would be miserable, it's better to save the money.
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34,690 posts, read 57,994,855 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43
Maybe, but don't you care because it matters to your spouse? I do a lot of things I don't really want to do because it makes my spouse happy, and vice versa.
Just because it is not something you would want to do yourself, it doesn't mean it can't be fun too.
...
Very good point^^^! Thx
Like you, this is NOT a 50:50 thing.
We're each in for 100% (for our spouse) - Our own benefit is not part of the equation, or choice for travel or finances, or places to live, or what to eat...
Thus, for our situation we travel a lot... separately, and together, whatever works best.
Such as tomorrow, when spouse leaves for Hawaii, which I do not care for. I cancelled my alternate trip, so I can go care for spouse's father who is in need. No, spouse did not have to ask. Her trip was more important to me than mine. (She's taking (for free) a friend who seldom gets the chance to travel)
Bonus... I have been able to use her personal motorhome to take elderly friends on camping trips, who no longer are able to take themselves. i.e. We share, or more accurately... we give. (100%)
30 yrs of my career was long term international travel, so we've been apart far more than together. That's fine, we have a great time and appreciate each other, whether joined, or separate. And the 'honeymoons', are great, when we get the opportunity to be together. We would meet in Hong Kong, or Philippines when I was working in Asia, or we've met in Europe, UK, and Australia when we were each busy elsewhere. Then had a wonderful time together, and then went our separate ways due to obligations of various types.
Maybe this is why we are very close to many military friends, and seasonal workers (Alaska fishermen), Offshore oil, diplomats... Sometimes you don't really have the choice to be together all the time. This can be good or bad... there is no right answer. You decide, and act accordingly.
We did the same when traveling with kids (~age 12+). Set them free to explore, then get together and let them explain, or show what they had discovered. This was long before cell phones, and they were free to explore foreign (or domestic) cities and be back at meeting place in time for supper. It was really interesting and delightful and educational to share what we each discovered. It was good training for our kids, since they were GONE by age 16 (in college)
While my spouse initially was timid and reserved about traveling on her own, she grew to really appreciate the freedom to go together or solo. She has really blossomed in meeting people, and has a few dedicated solo travel events annually where she is taking leadership roles in non-profits, ad always helping and finding new friends. I am very pleased she can do this, as someday (soon) either may find ourselves very alone. (and lonely) But grateful for the many wonderful memories, and intense love and respect provided from our spouse.
Many, many kudos for those among us who have endured that transition, via death, divorce, separation, assignment, and circumstance that placed them solo. (not by choice). You are the brave ones!
We're each in for 100% (for our spouse) - Our own benefit is not part of the equation, or choice for travel or finances, or places to live, or what to eat...
Thus, for our situation we travel a lot... separately, and together, whatever works best.
Such as tomorrow, when spouse leaves for Hawaii, which I do not care for. I cancelled my alternate trip, so I can go care for spouse's father who is in need. No, spouse did not have to ask. Her trip was more important to me than mine. (She's taking (for free) a friend who seldom gets the chance to travel)
Bonus... I have been able to use her personal motorhome to take elderly friends on camping trips, who no longer are able to take themselves. i.e. We share, or more accurately... we give. (100%)
30 yrs of my career was long term international travel, so we've been apart far more than together. That's fine, we have a great time and appreciate each other, whether joined, or separate. And the 'honeymoons', are great, when we get the opportunity to be together. We would meet in Hong Kong, or Philippines when I was working in Asia, or we've met in Europe, UK, and Australia when we were each busy elsewhere. Then had a wonderful time together, and then went our separate ways due to obligations of various types.
Maybe this is why we are very close to many military friends, and seasonal workers (Alaska fishermen), Offshore oil, diplomats... Sometimes you don't really have the choice to be together all the time. This can be good or bad... there is no right answer. You decide, and act accordingly.
We did the same when traveling with kids (~age 12+). Set them free to explore, then get together and let them explain, or show what they had discovered. This was long before cell phones, and they were free to explore foreign (or domestic) cities and be back at meeting place in time for supper. It was really interesting and delightful and educational to share what we each discovered. It was good training for our kids, since they were GONE by age 16 (in college)
While my spouse initially was timid and reserved about traveling on her own, she grew to really appreciate the freedom to go together or solo. She has really blossomed in meeting people, and has a few dedicated solo travel events annually where she is taking leadership roles in non-profits, ad always helping and finding new friends. I am very pleased she can do this, as someday (soon) either may find ourselves very alone. (and lonely) But grateful for the many wonderful memories, and intense love and respect provided from our spouse.
Many, many kudos for those among us who have endured that transition, via death, divorce, separation, assignment, and circumstance that placed them solo. (not by choice). You are the brave ones!
Travel on.
It wouldn't let me rep you but I like what you have said here. Very good also to have let the kids explore on their own.
Maybe your boyfriend was like Emerson, who called travel "a fool's paradise".
It was my mother who was afraid of flying across an ocean, despite my dad's pleas to go with him to Europe. So they never went.
The people I know who I would call "chronic travelers" in retirement are women and gay men. People who do multiple international trips per year in addition to frequent domestic travel.
Check out the article from The New Yorker, June 24, 2023, "The Case Against Travel", by Agnes Callard:
I've pretty much decided I've done enough travel earlier in life, and think about the environmental impact of air travel and tourism in general. In retirement, I really enjoy taking short trips close to home and getting to appreciate my local area and ecology on a deeper level.
On the other hand, pre pandemic, tourism and travel accounted for 10% of the world’s GDP and for some countries up to 20%. A lot of hardship would happen without it.
As for us, we mostly travel together and have done so for more than fifty years. He has been on a few golf trips and I have been to visit friends occasionally. We don’t especially like the same leisure activities overall but we find those we do both enjoy and work on that.
Generally I want to take trips with my husband. However, my daughter and I do an annual trip together and I’ve traveled with my sisters. He goes on an annual golf trip with his buddies. But big trips I’m going with my husband.
Maybe, but don't you care because it matters to your spouse? I do a lot of things I don't really want to do because it makes my spouse happy, and vice versa.
Just because it is not something you would want to do yourself, it doesn't mean it can't be fun too.
I guess if you would be miserable, it's better to save the money.
My wife and my sister have talked about doing something. And I think that's a great idea. We're all adult enough to know that I'd just ruin it for everybody.
We do lot of things together, and some of those are things one or the other of us wouldn't do on our own.
I just saw an old interview (in print) from Judge Judy where she was asked about her long marriage. Her advice/secret was to NOT spend 24 hours a day with your spouse.
We may be coming close to the end of our traveling times. But for about the last twenty years we've each had a separate vacation and vacations together usually in the same year.
Although we have very different personalities we have always traveled well together.
I can't speak for him but I look forward to my alone time and being able to do what I want when I want for a while every year. It's a real treat and a break from the disciplines of partnership. A marriage that lasts requires compromise and this gives me a break from that for a while.
MN winters are long, dark and cold and looking forward to the sun, the beach and friendly Mexican culture gives me something to anticipate during those dreary days.
I'm better able to practice mindfulness away from home and work and that produces a calming meditative state. By the time I come home I'm ready to get back into the routine again. It's very renewing.
He goes off with The Boys and does Man Things. I'll bet they have fun. Must be what he needs.
It seemed strange at first as we are children of the Greatest Generation and not many married couples did that then. At least without eyebrows raising. Maybe there is something strengthening about that annual reminder that we are also individuals capable of existence on our own terms?
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
34,690 posts, read 57,994,855 times
Reputation: 46166
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lodestar
...
Although we have very different personalities we have always traveled well together.
...
It seemed strange at first as we are children of the Greatest Generation and not many married couples did that then. At least without eyebrows raising. Maybe there is something strengthening about that annual reminder that we are also individuals capable of existence on our own terms?
Life is pretty complicated, and we are better at making it moreso, than less. (Placing expectations on self and others)
Freedom to soar, is a nice quality to seek and deliver to others.
"No, you don't need to be like me, or anyone else, or your mother, or a TV show."
You be YOU as you are uniquely crafted to excel at that very thing. Surprise us! (and maybe yourself)
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