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Over time it has gotten easier for seniors to stay in their homes. More businesses that help are available than in the past.
Grocery delivery
Uber
Barbers/hairdressers that come to the home.
Health aides
Meals on Wheels
Library delivery for books and movies
Vets and groomers that come to the home
R U O K in many areas
Emergency buttons that you wear
Urgent Care that comes to the homes
It would help if people would plan now before they need help.
If you wouldnt burden your children as caregivers, would that not leave you with the same options as those without children?
My mother did not want to bother us so she moved away but is close to her sister and they intend on relying on each other as they get older. For me, I hope to pass before I ever need a caregiver, but if not, I think I would hire a caregiver to come to my house as needed. I think thats the simplest solution for those of us that would not want to end up in a nursing home.
NO. No one with resources need their kids to be caregivers. You can hire care givers. You can even hire care managers. You can hire an accountant or fiduciary to run the financial side. What those without children (or very reliable family members) do not have is anyone to oversee them - even receive once a year financial statements, or change the care manager if the one in place isn’t doing the job. That’s not the same thing as care giving but give you the ultimate backstop - not in providing care but to step in to make key decisions or step in to take corrective action if the setup in place is failing too badly. So, no - I do not think that those without kids have the same concerns as those with.
You have posters being very active participants here while, on other threads, they are looking for ways to shield assets to give to the kids while they get Medicaid to pay for their care. These are very different concerns and the case of kids not being charged with caregiving vs no kids are the same.
We don’t have any kids (no regrets either) or even family members who we are comfortable involving (most are abroad). So, it is a different set of concerns and the discussion here sheds little light on what we need to address.
With all due respect, it sounds as though some people on this thread have never before been in the position of managing the care of an elderly parent. It's a lot of work and it's time consuming even if you don't provide hands on care directly yourself.
And it can go on for years and even a decade or more. I've heard of adult children who have had parents in CCRCs put through the ringer with managing moves within the facility (to avoid hefty additional fees), dealing with inadequate care which can include having their parent wind up in the hospital and the facility saying "too bad, so sad, we don't have a bed for your parent in our skilled nursing section". Add in the accountants and other experts...it's like a full time job and those people aren't cheap. Family members often suck it up and handle the hands on caregiving themselves because it's easier than dealing with managing a team of experts.
With all due respect, it sounds as though some people on this thread have never before been in the position of managing the care of an elderly parent. It's a lot of work and it's time consuming even if you don't provide hands on care directly yourself.
And it can go on for years and even a decade or more. I've heard of adult children who have had parents in CCRCs put through the ringer with managing moves within the facility (to avoid hefty additional fees), dealing with inadequate care which can include having their parent wind up in the hospital and the facility saying "too bad, so sad, we don't have a bed for your parent in our skilled nursing section". Add in the accountants and other experts...it's like a full time job and those people aren't cheap. Family members often suck it up and handle the hands on caregiving themselves because it's easier than dealing with managing a team of experts.
I have started WAY more than my fair share of threads, so I am not going to start another one now, but I do wish that a thread could be started regarding suggestions for the care of the severely disabled (of any age) who can no longer care for themselves.
I think it is evident that we are already at a crisis, and the crisis is only going to get worse and probably much worse -- and then what? It seems that our leaders are not giving this the attention it deserves, but it seems to me that something MUST be done -- but what?
Again, I think the first step is to not force severely disabled people to remain alive against their will, but it seems that there are so many people against that, that it won't happen until there are as many severely disabled people on the street as there are homeless people living on the streets today.
Last edited by katharsis; 12-19-2023 at 09:13 AM..
If you wouldnt burden your children as caregivers, would that not leave you with the same options as those without children?
I don't know -- If someone had to make do living on $1,000 a month with no savings, would they be in the same financial position as someone who chose to live frugally on $1,000 a month, but had hundreds of thousands of dollars in savings?
For purposes of this thread, having children is like having savings. You may choose not to rely on them, and they may not want to care for you even if you wanted them to, but they are still there as a possible safety net that people without children do not and will not ever have.
I have started WAY more than my fair share of threads, so I am not going to start another one, but I do wish that a thread could be started regarding suggestions for the care of the severely disabled (of any age) who can no longer care for themselves.
I think it is evident that we are already at a crisis, and the crisis is only going to get worse and probably much worse -- and then what? It seems that our leaders are not giving this the attention it deserves, but it seems to me that something MUST be done -- but what?
Again, I think the first step is to not force severely disabled people to remain alive against their will, but it seems that there are so many people against that, that it won't happen until there are as many severely disabled people on the street as there are homeless people.
Before my dad's dementia really set in, he had tried to talk my mom into moving to a more rural area for retirement - a house with lots of land. But mom had lived on a farm as a young girl and had lost her father as a teen leaving her and her mother, who had never learned how to drive, alone on a remote farm with only an outhouse for a bathroom. It was pretty traumatizing and there was no way in heck that Mom was going to be moving back on a farm.
As far as the government goes, let's just say that I'm not holding my breath waiting for the government to step in and provide a solution.
With all due respect, it sounds as though some people on this thread have never before been in the position of managing the care of an elderly parent. It's a lot of work and it's time consuming even if you don't provide hands on care directly yourself.
And it can go on for years and even a decade or more. I've heard of adult children who have had parents in CCRCs put through the ringer with managing moves within the facility (to avoid hefty additional fees), dealing with inadequate care which can include having their parent wind up in the hospital and the facility saying "too bad, so sad, we don't have a bed for your parent in our skilled nursing section". Add in the accountants and other experts...it's like a full time job and those people aren't cheap. Family members often suck it up and handle the hands on caregiving themselves because it's easier than dealing with managing a team of experts.
The CCRC we’re on the waiting list for guarantees a room in their assisted living or skilled nursing facility. If one is not available, they will take care of you in your apartment or home until one becomes available. This CCRC holds rooms back to minimize the chance of this happening though. There are excellent CCRCs out there with caring employees, but you have to do the necessary research to find them.
For veterans homes you have to qualify by having a fairly high disability rating that was incurred during a war. Just being a veteran doesn’t qualify you. I have helped a few friends stay in their homes for a few years and then helped them find a facility for them. I have been a guardian and have had to run to a facility in the middle of the night many times. While I don’t regret helping them at almost 70 I am done with that.
I have started WAY more than my fair share of threads, so I am not going to start another one, but I do wish that a thread could be started regarding suggestions for the care of the severely disabled (of any age) who can no longer care for themselves.
I think it is evident that we are already at a crisis, and the crisis is only going to get worse and probably much worse -- and then what? It seems that our leaders are not giving this the attention it deserves, but it seems to me that something MUST be done -- but what?
Again, I think the first step is to not force severely disabled people to remain alive against their will, but it seems that there are so many people against that, that it won't happen until there are as many severely disabled people on the street as there are homeless people.
This is a very good point. If you’ve got money, you can hire someone to take care of you or perhaps buy into a lifecare community (CCRC). With no money or limited resources, you will have to rely on your kids or relatives to take care of you. It’s not like it use to be - most young people don’t feel they have the responsibility to take care of their parents in their old age, so some parents will eventually end up in nursing homes with possibly Medicaid footing the bill, ultimately taxpayers footing the bill. Many people enter in senior communities that have independent and assisted living but no skilled nursing or memory care component. These are not cheap. A problem arises when they need skilled nursing and it is not available at the senior community where they currently live. I have a good friend this has happened to; she is being forced into an undesirable nursing home. I’ll say again - plan now and make the decision now before someone has to make it for you.
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