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This is such a good question. I think about it way too much. I am 62, live on my own with no husband or kids. Sister lives close, but I really don't want to burden her if and when I need help. I wish there was some kind of advisor you could talk to that wouldn't be trying to sell you something for said advice.
This is such a good question. I think about it way too much. I am 62, live on my own with no husband or kids. Sister lives close, but I really don't want to burden her if and when I need help. I wish there was some kind of advisor you could talk to that wouldn't be trying to sell you something for said advice.
I just discovered there are geriatric case managers that you can hire. There is a certification that requires certain education and training.
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Teacher Terry
For veterans homes you have to qualify by having a fairly high disability rating that was incurred during a war. Just being a veteran doesn’t qualify you....at almost 70 I am done with that.
Depends on the state, and available beds. We've helped hundreds of needy get into veterans homes. Just yesterday as a matter of fact. A dependent spouse of a veteran with no service related conditions. Was no problem, for which we were all grateful. Often there is a financial need requirement, and often there is a wait list. Sometimes a residency must be established first, since these are state funded facilities.
This is such a good question. I think about it way too much. I am 62, live on my own with no husband or kids. Sister lives close, but I really don't want to burden her if and when I need help. I wish there was some kind of advisor you could talk to that wouldn't be trying to sell you something for said advice.
Oh, I think that is such a good idea! It seems that it would be worth it for a county to send out a senior caseworker (not mandatory, but offered) to people when they reach 65 (because that is when it seems to me in reading the Retirement forum for years that this about the median age when things start to become difficult for seniors) to do an assessment as a "baseline" and equipped with information (such as transportation options, a list of reputable elder care attorneys, grocery delivery services, etc.) that might come in handy, with a number to call for senior-related assistance questions. A three-year (or five-year or one-year or whatever) follow-up visit could also be scheduled.
Again, this would be completely voluntary, but at least seniors would get some advice and information for their area BEFORE they need it -- and have a "one number to call" if they need help, advice or more information before their next follow-up visit.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizap
I just discovered there are geriatric case managers that you can hire. There is a certification that requires certain education and training.
I posted the post above this before I saw yours, and I think this might be similar to what I am talking about. Kind of like a social worker who specializes in the issues of seniors?
I wonder if this is common to many counties now. I will have to look it up!
Our parents raised us for 18 years (give or take) and gave and gave....I think it's only natural that the children care for their parents to an extent. (Taking into consideration their own healthy boundaries!!)
In an ideal family situation, the children would WANT to take care of their needy parents if they were able. I know this isn't common for everyone, we all have our crosses to bear when it comes to parents - whether it be US or our own.
Something to keep in mind as you have adult children. How you speak to them/treat them and their chosen family.
Our parents raised us for 18 years (give or take) and gave and gave....I think it's only natural that the children care for their parents to an extent. (Taking into consideration their own healthy boundaries!!)
In an ideal family situation, the children would WANT to take care of their needy parents if they were able. I know this isn't common for everyone, we all have our crosses to bear when it comes to parents - whether it be US or our own.
Something to keep in mind as you have adult children. How you speak to them/treat them and their chosen family.
It is my belief that the best gift you can give your adult children is the gift of not having the burden for caring for their elderly parents.
Oh, I think that is such a good idea! It seems that it would be worth it for a county to send out a senior caseworker (not mandatory, but offered) to people when they reach 65 (because that is when it seems to me in reading the Retirement forum for years that this about the median age when things start to become difficult for seniors) to do an assessment as a "baseline" and equipped with information (such as transportation options, a list of reputable elder care attorneys, grocery delivery services, etc.) that might come in handy, with a number to call for senior-related assistance questions. A three-year (or five-year or one-year or whatever) follow-up visit could also be scheduled.
Again, this would be completely voluntary, but at least seniors would get some advice and information for their area BEFORE they need it -- and have a "one number to call" if they need help, advice or more information before their next follow-up visit.
I posted the post above this before I saw yours, and I think this might be similar to what I am talking about. Kind of like a social worker who specializes in the issues of seniors?
I wonder if this is common to many counties now. I will have to look it up!
It might not be a bad idea to be proactive and get a list of these services before you need them - your local Council on Aging should be able to give you a list of resources available in your area. Realize that not all areas offer senior transportation, for instance, and those that do may require that the senior be low income to qualify for it. If you've never taken an Uber or Lyft there is no time like the present to learn how to use those apps.
If you think you might benefit from grocery delivery, now would be the time to test it. As far as a baseline cognitive test goes, I *think* that you can ask your doctor to order that for you and Medicare will pay for it but please, please double check that!
It does not hurt to have a rollator on hand just in case. You never know when you could twist something the wrong way. I'd also have a package of Adult Diapers and Gatorade on hand in case you get an intestinal virus of some sort - the older you get, the harder a virus like that can hit you. I've never been incontinent ever but I have a package of those Diapers in my closet.
Body wipes and dry shampoo so that if you can't take a shower for some reason, you can still freshen up.
When I got my prescription eyeglasses from my optometrist office I asked for a written prescription so that I could order some backup bargain eyeglasses, including sunglasses, from online stores.
I'm sure there are lots of other things to have on hand - just in case - that I haven't even thought of.
As they say, hope for the best, plan for the worst.
Last edited by springfieldva; 12-19-2023 at 01:14 PM..
Our parents raised us for 18 years (give or take) and gave and gave....I think it's only natural that the children care for their parents to an extent. (Taking into consideration their own healthy boundaries!!)
In an ideal family situation, the children would WANT to take care of their needy parents if they were able. I know this isn't common for everyone, we all have our crosses to bear when it comes to parents - whether it be US or our own.
Something to keep in mind as you have adult children. How you speak to them/treat them and their chosen family.
I mentioned my mother last night.
She is a "mini-hoarder." I wouldn't let her be homeless, but her hoarding would have to stop if she was living with me.
My parents marriage is strained. My dad was telling me yesterday morning that he didn't care if either him or her died - death would be preferable to how his life is right now. Keep in mind my dad is still working because they need the money, has to do all the "physical" house upkeep, take care of the golden retriever (that my mom wanted), and do all the Walmart/Sam's Club runs. His parents have also both died within the last six months. He has to "carry the mail," while she basically sits on her ass all day. Mom is getting to where she can barely walk through the grocery store.
She'd have to treat me better than she does him - I simply wouldn't allow her to treat me that way. My dad's parents were the poster children for dysfunction. I can't imagine living with those two.
She is a "mini-hoarder." I wouldn't let her be homeless, but her hoarding would have to stop if she was living with me.
My parents marriage is strained. My dad was telling me yesterday morning that he didn't care if either him or her died - death would be preferable to how his life is right now. Keep in mind my dad is still working because they need the money, has to do all the "physical" house upkeep, take care of the golden retriever (that my mom wanted), and do all the Walmart/Sam's Club runs. His parents have also both died within the last six months. He has to "carry the mail," while she basically sits on her ass all day. Mom is getting to where she can barely walk through the grocery store.
She'd have to treat me better than she does him - I simply wouldn't allow her to treat me that way. My dad's parents were the poster children for dysfunction. I can't imagine living with those two.
Does your mom have a rollator? If not, time to get her one. You can order one off of Walmart for her. There - you've helped your mom. Now it's up to her.
You are being weighed down by your parents' issues. If you were my son I would want you to take that energy and direct it towards making your life better. Go to the gym, cook a healthy meal, do something that makes you smile.
I think it is evident that we are already at a crisis, and the crisis is only going to get worse and probably much worse -- and then what? It seems that our leaders are not giving this the attention it deserves, but it seems to me that something MUST be done -- but what?
...
Indeed.
We are living longer, and many of those longer years are spent wandering around in a demented daze, kept alive up by an array of medicines and medical treatments.
It's one thing to take care of Mama for a year or two before she passes. Quite another to care for her for a decade or two as she wanders from room to room, looking for her own Mama. It's a lot to expect of families.
For the last 40 or so years, we've tried Assisted Living Facilities, at an average cost of around $6K - $10K a month. Few retirees can afford this for long, and to expect taxpayers to pick up this tab is a lot to expect.
Many would prefer to live independently, or at least create the facade of independence with family members and home care aides picking up the slack. It starts out with driving them to medical appts, home repairs, and lawn care, and progresses through meals, shopping, housecleaning, and eventually personal cares. I've been through this, and I can assure you, it is a lot to expect.
Those who don't have children to help with all this are SOL.
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