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We gave until age 18. Except one kid, who complained "that's not much money" on his 16th birthday. Cut him off then.
He's in his 40s now, still a jerk.
Same here. I had 9 nieces and nephews, so I had to be conservative with how much I could give. I'm not particularly close with any of them. I was giving them gift cards for the music and video game store, and I overheard one kid (16) say something like "What the heck am I supposed to get with $25? That was his last gift. At that point I decided that I couldn't afford to give them an amount that they would feel was worthwhile, so those over the age of 16 got nothing anymore.
Same here. I had 9 nieces and nephews, so I had to be conservative with how much I could give. I'm not particularly close with any of them. I was giving them gift cards for the music and video game store, and I overheard one kid (16) say something like "What the heck am I supposed to get with $25? That was his last gift. At that point I decided that I couldn't afford to give them an amount that they would feel was worthwhile, so those over the age of 16 got nothing anymore.
Reminds me of one Christmas where I got a few gifts and that was it. I was hurt but didn't say anything, didn't show it, steeled myself with that it is not the gift giving but being with family that was important.......it was only a few hours later that my Mother realized that I had known that I got a very big check and did not know it.
I had many nieces and nephews and several children of friends that I bought for, or gave BD and Christmas money to. I stopped when they reached age 18. By then times had changed so that the children of friends were no longer close enough to warrant giving a gift, and the nieces and nephews had moved, or I moved or whatever. By age 18 THEY no longer noticed or obviously cared that I did not acknowledge the event. I was never asked why I didn't send a gift.
I'm hovering right in the vicinity with my niece and nephews. All of them are farther away geographically than I can easily travel to. I never talk to or really know the day to day interests of these people now and they're no longer kids who depend on doting relatives to buy them things. I hate meaningless gifts given just for "credit" and I do want to acknowledge their existence. Just don't know how to broach the topic. One parent has made an issue out of me forgetting a birthday before, so that makes that conversation particularly awkward. I'd probably prefer to transition to some sort of family gift they could all enjoy when they get together, something experiential: tickets to an event, a delivered gourmet treat, etc.
Last edited by Parnassia; 12-06-2023 at 01:49 PM..
Reminds me of one Christmas where I got a few gifts and that was it. I was hurt but didn't say anything, didn't show it, steeled myself with that it is not the gift giving but being with family that was important.......it was only a few hours later that my Mother realized that I had known that I got a very big check and did not know it.
A FEW gifts? Wait until you have one package to open on Christmas Day. BTDT. That was hurtful no matter how hard I resisted the feeling. We can claim we don't care about material gifts until we're blue in the face, but those material things can still be symbolic of the regard family members have or don't have for you. What doesn't matter is how much those material things cost. Whether it's a card filled with sincere sentiment, an edible treat, a carefully chosen gift card, a total and somewhat confusing surprise, or something totally silly, it's the investment of thought and effort that matter IMHO.
My father was particularly difficult about gifting. He was naturally thrifty which is fine, but he'd also agonize over his sense of obligation to make gifts meaningful and down-to-the-penny equal for each of his children. Financially, he was quite comfortable and none of us expected or asked for extravagant things. He refused to shop in person. We got it...not everyone enjoys it. To a point. He wouldn't even order through a catalog. Even if someone chose a catalog he'd normally get by mail, shopped for themselves and provided a couple of exact item numbers to choose between. He'd procrastinate and dodge until it became a last minute crisis. He'd get upset, lose his temper, then tell the recipient a long drawn out tale of how expensive and awful the entire process became. Which made the recipient feel horrible about the whole thing. OTOH, if you told him you didn't want a gift, he refused to believe you. He'd feel guilty and share his guilt with you. It became an emotional minefield twice every year. I suspect it was a constant war between his desire to show love and his urge to pinch every penny possible. By the end of his life the penny pinching won. Very sad.
Last edited by Parnassia; 12-06-2023 at 03:17 PM..
I'm hovering right in the vicinity with my niece and nephews. All of them are farther away geographically than I can easily travel to. I never talk to or really know the day to day interests of these people now and they're no longer kids who depend on doting relatives to buy them things. I hate meaningless gifts given just for "credit" and I do want to acknowledge their existence. Just don't know how to broach the topic. One parent has made an issue out of me forgetting a birthday before, so that makes that conversation particularly awkward. I'd probably prefer to transition to some sort of family gift they could all enjoy when they get together, something experiential: tickets to an event, a delivered gourmet treat, etc.
I'm at this same point with my six nieces. I haven't seen them in years and the youngest is 14. A few years ago I actually realized the oldest was probably in her thirties and switched to gift cards instead of gifts since I have no idea what they're into. One day I will stop. I will just tell my brother I can't afford it anymore.
no nieces/nephews here, 6 step-grandkids. I am planning to stop at 18. Youngest one gets gifts as well as cash (he's 5), the older ones get a check. A few I would like to stop sooner, I don't see them and they don't acknowledge the gift.
We gave until age 18. Except one kid, who complained "that's not much money" on his 16th birthday. Cut him off then.
He's in his 40s now, still a jerk.
That's been the mentality of some of our younger family members. I have lost count of the gifts I've sent which were never even acknowledged. Checks were always cashed, though. I decided a while ago that if they can't bother to even call, text, email or send a thank you note, why should I bother to send anything?
When my six nieces and nephews (I’m an aunt with no kids or spouse) were young, they would get quite modest gifts for birthdays and Christmas. When in high school, the oldest wanted singing lessons, so I told her I’d cover them in lieu of birthday or Christmas. That became the pattern for the next five, that in high school I covered the cost of one special interest. Then during college I offered each one a choice. A trip anywhere they wanted to go after graduation, or $x monthly. (At one time a monthly check, now Venmo. Venmo sure is easier!) The monthly stipend added up over four years to what I was willing to pay for the trip. The first five all chose the stipend.
Once out of college I kept up the monthly stipend for a few months, remembering how much is involved in setting up your first household as a working adult, then it all stops. Just phone calls and cards after that.
Our daughter, son-in-law and each grand child receives a new $100 bill every Christmas.
Grandchildren are age 10, 11 and 12.
Imagine your 12 year old granddaughter saying "Gee Grandpa, I really didn't want a $100 bill...."
We also get them presents to open but nothing really huge.
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