Retirees Without Grandchildren: How Do you Feel? (55, grandparents, move)

[AZgarden]

I only have one grandchild and he is in another state where my son and his wife live. From his birth, his other grandma "took over" and spoiled him rotten and since I lived in another state, I only saw him twice a year. Anyway, there are no other grandkids and won't be, due to medical issues, so I feel like I really don't have any.

One of the things I looked forward to in retirement was having a baby grandchild so I could cherish all the wonderful years. It won't ever happen, and since I have realized this, it seems sad. Just wondering how the rest of you without any grandkids have coped with this and what do you do to make up for the loss? Maybe becoming a foster grandparent? Or maybe just adopting homeless pets (I already have 3). Let me know your solutions ! Thanks in advance !

[alpineprince]

No grandchildren yet, but I do have a 24 y/o daughter (in another country),8 year old son and my Wife and I are planning to have a baby in the next two years so I have never thought about it!

[Beaconowner]

I never had children, so I've never considered having my life revolve around them or their off-spring. I do remember my grandmothers fondly, especially my grandmother on my mother's side.

I was her first grandchild. She always had time for me, unlike other grown-ups. She read my comic books to me before I could read. She would read the same comic book over and over, since we were poor, and never complained, even when I'd point out to her that she missed a part. I will remember her always. She was the greatest!

Don't deprive a child of this experiance, just because they are not blood related.

There is likely a Big Brother/Big Sister organization in your area. You might try that.

[Fran66]

Ya gotta be kiddin', Barb. If I had to do it all over again, I'd never have kids! Hence, no grandchildren!

I'm not the apple-pie-baking-bounce-the-babies-on-the-knee type. I was when my kids were growing up -- but I outgrew that when they left home! 20+ years of having my life revolve around my kids was enough! And yet -- I really did enjoy it. But not so much the grandkids. I really wanted my own life for a change.

[Bette]

My parents never spoke of wanting to have grandchildren. When my sister had the first, we were not sure how my parents would react. We actually thought they would be mad.

Well, there were 12 born in a 7 year period and my parents were so ecstatic! As their children, we were surprised at their emotions - we would have had kids sooner!

They were wonderful, wonderful grandparents and all our children were blessed to know them and have them in their lives on a daily/weekly basis.

Well, now, with my own children, I have not been so fortunate. Both children are now in their 20's but no relationships to speak of so no grandchildren and it makes me sad. Like my mother, I'd probably be ecstatic!

Fran - sounds like you were a wonderful mom; wish I had not had to work so hard during those years.

[RiverBird]

Before I had grandkids I wondered if I ever would. Three of my kids are not into having kids and the fourth got married just a few years ago. It wasn't certain at first that DIL could even have a child. So I resigned myself to not having any grandkids. As it turned out she got pregnant with twins and that has been a joy to me, the main (and perhaps the only) reason I do not want to move from here. However, "other" grandma, my DIL's mother, is the full-time caregiver by arrangement. Her house is rural and 45 min from me. Thankfully she is a wonderful woman and lets me come visit her whenever I'd like so I can have twin time. So far I can only do this once a week, and in the winter I don't know what with her steep dirt road and I don't have 4WD. But I can go once a month to son's house when DIL has a weekend shift, and stay as long as I want. That's about 50 min away but on a highway. Bottom line is, I am definitely not primary grandma.

One of my sisters has two professional daughters who are not likely to have children b/c they're edging close to age 40. But who knows what could happen. At any rate she's convinced she will not have g'kids and is rather bitter about it. She expresses no interest in mine or in our other sister's g'kids when she comes up to visit. She never asks how they are or asks for photos. I don't talk about it because apparently it brings her pain. My other sister and I are not like that – to us it takes a village to raise a kid and there's lots of love to go around. If I didn't have g'kids, I'd latch on to my sister's. I've been to visit hers a number of times.

As someone pointed out, g'kids are "into" grandma and grandpa for only so many years before visiting us becomes "old" (and we do too). I've observed that grandparents who lavish goods and trips on their g'kids are the most involved and welcomed. Others who have primarily love to offer get the best years in the younger years. (in general.)

I think that at our age we have to make peace with our set of circumstances, whether it be health, finances, or whether or not we have grandkids. We can easily get envious of others who have one of these areas better than we do. I've come to the conclusion that at this stage in life for me it's about finding myself again after so many years of serving and caring for others at home and in the workplace. Identifying with my "own true self" without any label (mother, grandmother, spouse, retiree, etc) attached is what I want to do right now. Oh...the artiste label will be okay, because that's about me, not anyone else.

If you long for grandchildren and are not likely to have them, ease your heart by being a good parent to yourself as you age. Love who you are, as one dear poster on here privately reminded me recently....we are in the final stages of being active and relatively healthy. Seize the day.

[volosong]

My only daughter is not married and is approaching the age where having children is unlikely. So, I probably will never be able to do the grandpa thing. For a few years, I did have "step-grandchildren", but none of them lived locally and it required a cross country trip to visit them.

It is as you say, sad. It is a loss, but I realize that there is nothing that can done about it, so have diverted my efforts and energies into other things, (part-time teaching at the local community college, sports and other physical activities, travel and exploration, etc.).

If you are a church person, is there an opportunity to teach Sunday School? As mentioned, the Boy's and Girl's club are an option, as are the Scouts. Perhaps be a reader at a local library on children's story afternoon? Volunteering at an elementary school? There are a lot of opportunities out there to be discovered, if you look around. Good luck. It does leave a hole inside.

[LookingatFL]

You can volunteer at a neonatal ward holding the preemie babies.

[akck]

I'm definitely not going to have grandkids before I retire. We do have one engaged to be married, but the marriage will be next year at the earliest. The others have no gfs at this point that we know of.

[catfeathers]

I'm not retired (husband is), but this is also one of the many reasons why I am searching for a +55 community for our retirement years. Odds are pretty slim that I will ever become a Grandma. Makes me sad, too. Both of our Mom's were great as Grandmothers, but my Mom was closest, and was an excellent Grandma to all her grandchildren, and they ALL have wonderful memories of her. Thus, it is sad to know that is not my fate. I am currently bonding with my niece's baby girl, but that will change slightly when my sister moves back to this area, I'm sure. Very good suggestions above from others...I like the hospital idea, or the library or school volunteering. thanks...