Retirees Without Grandchildren: How Do you Feel?

[Travelassie]

Originally Posted by biscuitmom

If true, it appears your problem isn't about not having grandchildren, it's about your toxic family and friends.
I have two children in their mid-30s, no grandchildren and don't expect to ever have any. That's fine with me, I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. I taught school - pre-K, K, and 1st grade - for several years and had enough contact with young children to last me the rest of my life. In addition I have 30+ nieces and nephews who continue to have babies so there's no shortage of them in my life. That said, I enjoy the heck out of Facebook posts about friend's and family's babies and children! I get to see all the cuteness without having to endure any of the downside.

Of my 3 best friends, 2 are in long-term happy marriages and have no children; the 3rd has been divorced for 30 years and has 5 children and 19 grandchildren. Not one of us feels the slightest judgement or condemnation from anyone. It's tough that your family and friends judge you so harshly.

While I know there are folks who do make comments directly to others about what they consider lacks in their lives, and it's hard not to take those comments personally (although we're better off just dismissing those comments, IMO), it seems to me that sometimes when a person is disappointed or has unresolved issues for their own situation ( ie, wanting grandkids but not having any, being single but wanting to be married, vice versa, etc. etc.), he/she reads judgements into what others say even when no judgement or negativity was intended. It's just that those comments hit nerves with the person as they remind him/her
of a perceived lack in his/her own life. So when friends, family brag on Facebook, or announce the birth of another granchild, even though they are just rejoicing and not even thinking of the other person, that person may think they are doing so just to point out his childlessness or whatever it is. I understand it still feels bad and they often tend to resent those sharing their good news, in their shoes I'd probably back off the Facebook activity if seeing all that celebration of events I wanted to have but didn't
made me feel like that.


There is no way to know what a stranger's situation in real life is from a few posts, there are toxic families who will judge their members unfairly for reasons best known to themselves, and they must deal with that the best they can. But in that case, IMO it's important to their own psyches to realize and remind themselves that the negativity towards them by family members, especially for issues out of the person's control, is a reflection on those lobbing the negativity.

[Escort Rider]

Originally Posted by PhxBarb

Oh for goodness sake. My harmless comment has morphed into a major battle for no reason.

Do we have a Mod yet????? If so, I would wish this thread would be CLOSED and since I am the OP, I think I have that right to ask.

Yes, you have the right to ask, and so does any other poster. Whether we have a regular mod or whether we are still team moderated (the latter is the case) makes no difference. The way you put in your request is to click on the "report" triangle (upper right corner of your original post) and explain that you are the OP and want the thread closed - plus presumably you will give (a) reason(s).

I guarantee that if you do that a moderator will see your request. They may or may not act on it depending on whether they agree with you. Even if we had a regular mod, that person would not be reading every post in every thread anyway; all mods rely on reports to keep up with problems.

[in_newengland]

This thread is now closed. No, this forum does not have a mod. I help out because I "live" in this forum a lot so I happen to see what goes on. I'm afraid that if we DID have a mod, a lot of threads would be moved out of here or the wrong posters would be penalized. I think most of us who post here prefer that our threads stay here. One more thing: Do not start bickering on here--there's a such thing as an INFRACTION and if you get one you will be sent on a "vacation" that you probably won't enjoy!"