Moving away from adult children (alcohol, graduate, engaged, friends)
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Another thought along this line. I've noticed that many men want to move their wives away from their friends, children, and grandchildren when they retire. It appears to be an attempt to return to being the center of their wives' attention. Not sure if this is universal or just among the people I know.
For example, when my Dad retired, he had his heart set on returning to Washington, which, as luck would have it, was where he and my Mom met and fell in love. He retired, and though my Mom was still working, he moved to Washington and bought a place clear out in the country.
She followed him within a few months, leaving a job she loved, all her friends, her favorite daughter (not me), and her only grandchildren behind in Arizona.
Other than the weather and a few old Christmas card friends, there was no reason to move to Washington. Within a few years, his health declined and she spent the next decade caring for him out in the middle of nowhere. He was happy as a clam drinking frosted mugs of ice water and watching the History channel.
I've observed this same phenomena several times. Sometimes it is a job rather than a retirement destination that calls the husband to uproot and move, but it often happens just as the wife is settling into being a grandmother. I guess it is one thing to lose your wife to caring for your kids, but just about the time you think you are going to be the center of her attention again, along come those darn grandkids.
Sure there are some retiree couples that wear matching sweatshirts and are inseparable morning to night, but I've never seen any of this (or the man's clinginess you mention) in any of the couples I know. I find that most marrieds give each other a lot of elbow room and are glad to be rid of (er, away from) their spouse for hours or even some days at a time. I don't think most men are so dependent on their wives.
Another thought along this line. I've noticed that many men want to move their wives away from their friends, children, and grandchildren when they retire. It appears to be an attempt to return to being the center of their wives' attention. Not sure if this is universal or just among the people I know.
For example, when my Dad retired, he had his heart set on returning to Washington, which, as luck would have it, was where he and my Mom met and fell in love. He retired, and though my Mom was still working, he moved to Washington and bought a place clear out in the country.
She followed him within a few months, leaving a job she loved, all her friends, her favorite daughter (not me), and her only grandchildren behind in Arizona.
Other than the weather and a few old Christmas card friends, there was no reason to move to Washington. Within a few years, his health declined and she spent the next decade caring for him out in the middle of nowhere. He was happy as a clam drinking frosted mugs of ice water and watching the History channel.
I've observed this same phenomena several times. Sometimes it is a job rather than a retirement destination that calls the husband to uproot and move, but it often happens just as the wife is settling into being a grandmother. I guess it is one thing to lose your wife to caring for your kids, but just about the time you think you are going to be the center of her attention again, along come those darn grandkids.
I've heard a similar scenario to this in that some men want to move to 55+ golf communities so that they can play golf every day, and the wife, who didn't want to leave her home, pines for the children and grandchildren she left behind. He has a great time and she's miserable. I've read that this is one reason a number of homes in those communities are up for sale. Wife finally wins out!
I would go, if he is with his girlfriend and doing well. When it comes time for us to retire, we plan to relocate as well. I have six kids, but when it's time for us to live our lives, I'm going for it. I have spent MANY years mothering, and have MANY to go. So, when all of them on there own, it's my turn to relax.
When I say MANY,
it's because my kids range in age, 29 down to 5.
Maybe you don't have any grandkids yet? I find THEY are the ones who really pull at your heartstrings!
I have one more year to live here before I can sell if I want to. I like where I am now so much on so many levels. The location in the town, for me, can't be beat. It has everything I need at my fingertips, except certain kinds of foods I have to drive 10 miles for. It has a great bus transportation system and senior transport, and cultural stuff within the town, with all pleasant neighborhoods. Some day soon I hope my married son, who lives within a half-hour, will announce the arrival of a kid. Why would I want to sell and perhaps leave the area?
1-property taxes jumping up higher than normal increments
2-I don't mind the cold, but the snow is generally too much for an aging homeowner to handle unless pay for snow removal, and driving icy roads
3-I'd love to try living in one or the other states I've always wanted to try out before I'm too old to do so (wanderlust!)
Of all the pro's of staying here, it's the grandkid factor that stops me in my tracks every time I think of leaving. But will they be too busy to actually visit me very often and stay very long? Will my son's in-laws monopolize the kid (probably in this case)....IOW, if I stay here would I wind up seeing them about as much as if I lived much further away? If I did move away, that would put the burden on them, financially and timewise, to come to visit me, and with the lifestyle of today I doubt that would happen more than once a year. So for me, the grandkid idea (and nearby two other kids and my sister, even though I don's see them often), are keeping me here, even if I have to move into an apt.
I have one more year to live here before I can sell if I want to. I like where I am now so much on so many levels. The location in the town, for me, can't be beat. It has everything I need at my fingertips, except certain kinds of foods I have to drive 10 miles for. It has a great bus transportation system and senior transport, and cultural stuff within the town, with all pleasant neighborhoods. Some day soon I hope my married son, who lives within a half-hour, will announce the arrival of a kid. Why would I want to sell and perhaps leave the area?
1-property taxes jumping up higher than normal increments
2-I don't mind the cold, but the snow is generally too much for an aging homeowner to handle unless pay for snow removal, and driving icy roads
3-I'd love to try living in one or the other states I've always wanted to try out before I'm too old to do so (wanderlust!)
Of all the pro's of staying here, it's the grandkid factor that stops me in my tracks every time I think of leaving. But will they be too busy to actually visit me very often and stay very long? Will my son's in-laws monopolize the kid (probably in this case)....IOW, if I stay here would I wind up seeing them about as much as if I lived much further away? If I did move away, that would put the burden on them, financially and timewise, to come to visit me, and with the lifestyle of today I doubt that would happen more than once a year. So for me, the grandkid idea (and nearby two other kids and my sister, even though I don's see them often), are keeping me here, even if I have to move into an apt.
Grandkid factor, huh? Between us we have 10 with one on the way and a great-grand also in the offing. They're scattered among four states and six cities.
What to chose? What to choose?
Chose following our heart's desires in terms of where to settle in retirement. Also took kids (three states-six cities) out of the equation. Much simpler and if I'm nothing else, I'm just a simple guy.
I want to say kudos to those of you who wish for your own and your children(s) happiness above all when it comes to anybody's relocation. My mother gets mad if I talk about moving away so I've finally learned not to discuss it with her. I'm trying to get a second job to save up for a relocation also. I just hate my hometown and I just don't see myself going anywhere if I stay here (plus I can come visit). And I'm unhappy not being in the place I love so much and want to be.
My mom plays real bad guilt trips on me for wanting to move and I don't understand it. I think that there are some people who don't have the guts to leave their hometown so they make people that do feel bad about it. I'm adventurous and am extremely open to travelling and moving around. I've been that way ever since I was uprooted from my hometown at 12 years old. As traumatic as it initially was, I learned a lot about freedom and mobility.
It didn't work out for my mom where we'd moved to and she actually did quite a bit of moving around with us during that timeframe before finally going back to my hometown. She has said she missed her family and had a hard time with it. My grandparents are long gone, half the rest of the family won't even talk to each other and though I love my mom I need to distance myself from her sometimes as she can be a toxic person.
What really outraged me was when distant family in a warm climate who don't have to deal with winter, also told me "I shouldn't leave my mother". My grandmother chased my mom and uncles all over trying to stay with them and my mom says she hates moving because she's already done it.
Am I supposed to stay in the same place all my life??? It's maddening that it seems to be so. And with family is not the only place I get this, I get it everywhere. Even interviewing for jobs in other parts of the state people have asked "you want to move away from your family?" (is that your business???),"I'm worried about your commute" (it's called MOVING). Anyway, I want to move so bad it hurts and I hope I can before too long.
I want to say kudos to those of you who wish for your own and your children(s) happiness above all when it comes to anybody's relocation. My mother gets mad if I talk about moving away so I've finally learned not to discuss it with her. I'm trying to get a second job to save up for a relocation also. I just hate my hometown and I just don't see myself going anywhere if I stay here (plus I can come visit). And I'm unhappy not being in the place I love so much and want to be.
My mom plays real bad guilt trips on me for wanting to move and I don't understand it. I think that there are some people who don't have the guts to leave their hometown so they make people that do feel bad about it. I'm adventurous and am extremely open to travelling and moving around. I've been that way ever since I was uprooted from my hometown at 12 years old. As traumatic as it initially was, I learned a lot about freedom and mobility.
It didn't work out for my mom where we'd moved to and she actually did quite a bit of moving around with us during that timeframe before finally going back to my hometown. She has said she missed her family and had a hard time with it. My grandparents are long gone, half the rest of the family won't even talk to each other and though I love my mom I need to distance myself from her sometimes as she can be a toxic person.
What really outraged me was when distant family in a warm climate who don't have to deal with winter, also told me "I shouldn't leave my mother". My grandmother chased my mom and uncles all over trying to stay with them and my mom says she hates moving because she's already done it.
Am I supposed to stay in the same place all my life??? It's maddening that it seems to be so. And with family is not the only place I get this, I get it everywhere. Even interviewing for jobs in other parts of the state people have asked "you want to move away from your family?" (is that your business???),"I'm worried about your commute" (it's called MOVING). Anyway, I want to move so bad it hurts and I hope I can before too long.
So pull up your big boy or big girls britches, whichever applies, and just do it. Presuming you're an adult, you have that right. It only hurts a little bit!
I want to say kudos to those of you who wish for your own and your children(s) happiness above all when it comes to anybody's relocation. My mother gets mad if I talk about moving away so I've finally learned not to discuss it with her. I'm trying to get a second job to save up for a relocation also. I just hate my hometown and I just don't see myself going anywhere if I stay here (plus I can come visit). And I'm unhappy not being in the place I love so much and want to be.
My mom plays real bad guilt trips on me for wanting to move and I don't understand it. I think that there are some people who don't have the guts to leave their hometown so they make people that do feel bad about it. I'm adventurous and am extremely open to travelling and moving around. I've been that way ever since I was uprooted from my hometown at 12 years old. As traumatic as it initially was, I learned a lot about freedom and mobility.
It didn't work out for my mom where we'd moved to and she actually did quite a bit of moving around with us during that timeframe before finally going back to my hometown. She has said she missed her family and had a hard time with it. My grandparents are long gone, half the rest of the family won't even talk to each other and though I love my mom I need to distance myself from her sometimes as she can be a toxic person.
What really outraged me was when distant family in a warm climate who don't have to deal with winter, also told me "I shouldn't leave my mother". My grandmother chased my mom and uncles all over trying to stay with them and my mom says she hates moving because she's already done it.
Am I supposed to stay in the same place all my life??? It's maddening that it seems to be so. And with family is not the only place I get this, I get it everywhere. Even interviewing for jobs in other parts of the state people have asked "you want to move away from your family?" (is that your business???),"I'm worried about your commute" (it's called MOVING). Anyway, I want to move so bad it hurts and I hope I can before too long.
Maybe I can suggest a book that may give you the courage to do what YOU want to do in life. Take Your Life Off Hold by Ted Dreier. It changed our lives and we completely changed our lifestyle. It's all about disregarding what everyone thinks you should do with your life and encouraging you to take hold of your own life.
After reading that book, we only wished we had changed sooner
I want to say kudos to those of you who wish for your own and your children(s) happiness above all when it comes to anybody's relocation. My mother gets mad if I talk about moving away so I've finally learned not to discuss it with her. I'm trying to get a second job to save up for a relocation also. I just hate my hometown and I just don't see myself going anywhere if I stay here (plus I can come visit). And I'm unhappy not being in the place I love so much and want to be.
My mom plays real bad guilt trips on me for wanting to move and I don't understand it. I think that there are some people who don't have the guts to leave their hometown so they make people that do feel bad about it. I'm adventurous and am extremely open to travelling and moving around. I've been that way ever since I was uprooted from my hometown at 12 years old. As traumatic as it initially was, I learned a lot about freedom and mobility.
It didn't work out for my mom where we'd moved to and she actually did quite a bit of moving around with us during that timeframe before finally going back to my hometown. She has said she missed her family and had a hard time with it. My grandparents are long gone, half the rest of the family won't even talk to each other and though I love my mom I need to distance myself from her sometimes as she can be a toxic person.
What really outraged me was when distant family in a warm climate who don't have to deal with winter, also told me "I shouldn't leave my mother". My grandmother chased my mom and uncles all over trying to stay with them and my mom says she hates moving because she's already done it.
Am I supposed to stay in the same place all my life??? It's maddening that it seems to be so. And with family is not the only place I get this, I get it everywhere. Even interviewing for jobs in other parts of the state people have asked "you want to move away from your family?" (is that your business???),"I'm worried about your commute" (it's called MOVING). Anyway, I want to move so bad it hurts and I hope I can before too long.
Unlike you, I love my hometown, but I have left and come back a dozen times! I spent a lot of years following a husband around for HIS job but, like the rest of my family, I always ended up back here. And so did they. Now I'm at the age where I really really don't want to move again and I'm happy here. When I was a kid we moved so much I often wished I could just stay in ONE place, grow up there, have the same friends always, etc.. But, in hindsight, I would've missed out on a lot of adventures if I'd done that.
No, you're not "supposed to" stay in the same place your whole life, if you don't want to. You're an adult and should do what's best for YOU. I've been renting my mom's guest house for almost three years now but lately I've been seriously thinking about buying my own little house. My mom has found something wrong with every single house I've shown her. I don't think she wants me to move. I like living here and being available for my mom, if she needs me, but I'd LOVE to own my own home again. She doesn't lay any 'guilt trips' on me but she was a pro when I was growing up. I always called her the 'travel agent for guilt trips'. lol Thankfully she is nowhere near 'toxic'.
In the end, it comes down to doing what is best for you and other people don't live your life so shouldn't have that much say in it. You just have to be strong and take it all with a grain of salt. If it doesn't work out you can always go back. That's the beauty of being mobile!
Has anybody here retired or semi-retired and moved away from adult kids?
My husband and I are in the process of moving from Ohio to Florida. Our move won't be final until December but we are set to go, sold our house, winding down business, etc.
I love the area where we are moving and I am looking forward to this adventure with my husband. We've worked pretty hard to make this happen.
Lately, now that the house has sold.... I'm having pangs of guilt and anxiety about "leaving" my 26 year old son "behind"... He has his own place with his girlfriend and is doing pretty well, so I don't really know why I am feeling this way.
Can anyone relate, and if so, how did things turn out for you?
I can totally relate. 26 years old is not the 26 we were. Young people seem so much less prepared these days. Also, since he only lives w/ a girlfriend, he will be down there soon. (jk)
No, it is hard, but He does have you in case. Make sure you talk to him weekly, and go enjoy yourselves, guilt free....you've earned it!!
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