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I would go, if he is with his girlfriend and doing well. When it comes time for us to retire, we plan to relocate as well. I have six kids, but when it's time for us to live our lives, I'm going for it. I have spent MANY years mothering, and have MANY to go. So, when all of them on there own, it's my turn to relax.
When I say MANY,
it's because my kids range in age, 29 down to 5.
Hi Grain of Salt, Could you give us an update? Did you move to Florida? What part of Florida? How is it working out for you? I, too made the move left children, sisters, friends to come to sunny Florida last year. Curious to know how it all worked out for you.
Well our actual date of departure from the Mid-West to Florida will be December 19th. Our condo on Okaloosa Island is waiting, and we are finishing up the last of the work obligations here and also planning to attend some important family functions and a couple pre-Christmas gatherings since we will be in FL by ourselves for Christmas. (celebrating walking on the beach )
My son has been my biggest supporter. He is truly happy for us, and I think somewhat relieved he doesn't have to run all over creation this Christmas between all the different get togethers between our/my family, his girlfriends family, etc. I had a nice long visit at our condo with my son and his girlfriend at the end of Oct and they are getting to know the area. They love it so I have no doubt about visits.
Hubs and I already have plans to spend next July back in this area and have a cottage already rented on a lake close to my mothers place. It all seems to be falling into place even though we haven't left town yet.
Thanks for asking, and I will update again after we have been down there awhile.
GrainofSalt: Good for you! Sounds like things are really coming together.
We moved from western PA to South Carolina just outside of Charlotte. Both my parents and DH parents have passed, I am an only child and his brother doesn't like to travel. Our daughter lives in NY just outside of Utica and there was NO way I was moving to NY (even more snow) for retirement. Besides, daughter wants to move out of NY at some time, and like others we would be stuck in somewhere we didn't want to be and without her. We could afford to make one move and one move only, and going to NY wasn't it.
So we made our move and we are only 1/2 hour from the Charlotte airport and she has come down several times already. She does a lot of traveling and has many frequent flier points. She is even coming down to Charleston, SC in February for a required class, so we are going over and spending that time with her. It's working out great and we are happily out of PA. I do miss her, but really didn't see her much more often when we were within 6 hours driving distance.
Sooooo....my husband wants to move an hour away. Job offer. We can't afford our home and cottage. Have to down size (I know..woe is me..) We have a son and his wife that just moved back from over seas last year and live 20 min away and a daughter with hubby with 2 year old that live 3 miles away. The only thing and it is a heart breaker, is leaving that lil sweet 2 year old and the stop in visits. As well as the kids stopping by.....that is what leaves me with a heavy heart, I can barely breath.
You should move where you want to and don't follow your kids. If you're kids are only in their 20s, let them finish growing up, don't smother them and don't worry about them. If you're still young-ish and healthy, then go. Not the same as leaving when you and they are much older.
My parents moved to FL when they retired at age 65 and we missed them but they did come back and visit every summer. It was sad at Christmas not being able to afford to go and be with them every year but you get used to it. It was THEIR retirement and their chance to do what they wanted.
We were still working and tied down. The Florida thing lasted about ten years and thank goodness they had kept a small place up north because that's where they finally ended up when their health failed and we were close enough to help out. (They still had the house in FL but that was sold after they passed away.)
I have a cousin who lost her job in Mass. trying to commute and care for her terminally ill 80 yr old mother who lived in Atlanta. So my message is---when you start to get old and frail, come back! If your kids are in their 40s and 50s, they are usually in the prime of their careers and cannot move to be near you. That's when you need to move near them.
Sooooo....my husband wants to move an hour away. Job offer. We can't afford our home and cottage. Have to down size (I know..woe is me..) We have a son and his wife that just moved back from over seas last year and live 20 min away and a daughter with hubby with 2 year old that live 3 miles away. The only thing and it is a heart breaker, is leaving that lil sweet 2 year old and the stop in visits. As well as the kids stopping by.....that is what leaves me with a heavy heart, I can barely breath.
On the surface, an hour away does not sound so tough. Not like it is all the way across the country. But it means no spur of the moment dropping by, every visit has to be planned and includes a two hour car ride. Plus, likely there are new grandbabies in the not so distant future.
I trust you and your husband are talking over all the options. Does he see moving away as getting some breathing room for the two of you?
We live in an area (coast of North Carolina) where a lot of people move for retirement. I've observed though that when the time comes to move into a nursing home or assisted living, most of my mom's friends have moved back to where their children live. That's something you can decide when that time comes.
I like the idea of letting your kids "live their lives". My mom did that when she retired and moved 5 hours away from my brother and I, later on wintering in Florida and going on around the world trips. It was good, but it was tough sometimes, especially when she needed help. But she was always very independent and wanted us to be so.
We recently started wintering in Florida from Canada as well. Our one son is 31 years old, and he's still just establishing himself. We miss him, and I suspect he misses us just a tiny bit, but I think it's good for him. We'll be close physically to him in the spring and fall when we're back home up north, and the same 5 hours away in the summer when we're up at the cottage.
I do worry about him, and he doesn't phone me enough, but that's probably good for both of us--one of my problems as a mother was that I tended to micromanage him, so the distance is not a bad thing, if tough at times.
I think it's the right thing to do--he can enjoy coming and visiting us in Florida when he wants to, but won't feel like we're breathing down his neck. And when we get older, and need to be physically closer perhaps, we'll be back in the city up north where he perhaps will still be.
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Moving away from adult children
