Please Tell Me your Thoughts About This (hell, churches, quote)
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My husband and I are most likely going to divorce very soon. My husband absolutely will not go to marriage counseling. He has concluded that there is nothing wrong with him - he is 100% perfect and there's no way in hell that he is going to pay some screwed up person to tell him what his problem is.
I spoke with my mother about this. My mother insists that we need to talk to our pastor. I don't feel comfortable talking to my pastor about this and I don't believe that it's his job to be a marriage counselor and deal with my marriage issues. My mother believes otherwise and insists that it is part of a pastor's job to counsel couples dealing with marriage or relationship issues. In fact, she is hassling me so much about this that I am becoming turned off to even going to chuch - and none of this has anything to do with my pastor!!!
How many of you believe a pastor should deal with people's marriage problems and how many of you don't believe it's his place to get involved?
Thanks.
Last edited by Twinkle Toes; 05-08-2007 at 12:57 PM..
Reason: Needed to capitalize a word.
I know it is part of his job to counsel
I believe it is what you can handle comfortably and still be able to attend church that will be the deciding issue
Yes, it is the pastor's job to counsel the flock. He should be a trained professional at dealing with issues such as yours, and he knows it should be a confidential discussion.
Also, I assume you help pay his salary, so take advantage of it!
I absolutely believe it is the pastor's job to counsel. However, any pastor worth is weight will most likely find another pastor or person qualified to provide counseling if you truly are not comfortable talking with him/her. Do not be led astray from the church by your mother, she is doing what she thinks is right and in her heart she really just wants you to be happy and find the help you need to correct whatever marriage issues you may be having.
As for your husband, it is my experience both personally and in talking with others that people who are adamant that they dont need help usually need it the most. As a man, I will say that it can be humbling if not humiliating to feel as though you cannot communicate with your wife and need a third party to help you figure it out. I have other thoughts but I will hold them as that is not what you seem to be looking for.
Yes, a pastor generally does do a TON of marriage counseling. In larger churches, they may even have a pastor who solely does pastoral counseling. In smaller churches, the main pastor will generally do marriage and other types of counseling.
My prayers go out to you and your husband. I agree that it is a Pastor's responsibility to give you good, Biblical advice. I hope your husband is open to it...and PLEASE don't give up on church! You'll need it during this time more than ever!
For the record, Let you and your pastor off the hook.
While it clearly is his responsibility to minister to you in this and any situation, his responsibility ends where your discomfort begins.
In other words, if you don't feel comfortable talking to your pastor about this, you certainly don't HAVE to. So it's OK NOT to talk to him and it OK TO talk to him.
Sidebar: Your pastor should be someone that you feel comfortable talking to in any situation. If you'd talk to a stranger(counselor), it concerns me that you don't feel like your relationship with your pastor is one in which you could share this. just an observation.
Sidebar 2: Your post indicates that the enemy(read:devil) is trying to take this opportunity to not only end your marriage, but he has also gotten you disillusioned with the church....stay alert! The church(Jesus) is where you need to be!
DISCLAIMER: Alpha8207 isn't a counselor, he just plays one on the internet. All readers are urged to consult professionals in the respective fields. Alpha8207 takes no responsibility for harm, damage, bad advice, or unforeseen circumstances.....unless it works out and in that instance he takes full credit!! (That's a joke, people!)
I so agree with everything that has been said here. It is defanitely a pastors or church leaders resbonsibilty to counsel those under his stewardship. I believe that they can be entitled to or have much incite into things that those who are experiencing it may not see (if that makes sense )
Don't turn away from your church or the Lord. It is only through the Lord's help we can make it through situations like these. Best of luck to you!
For the record, Let you and your pastor off the hook.
While it clearly is his responsibility to minister to you in this and any situation, his responsibility ends where your discomfort begins.
In other words, if you don't feel comfortable talking to your pastor about this, you certainly don't HAVE to. So it's OK NOT to talk to him and it OK TO talk to him.
Sidebar: Your pastor should be someone that you feel comfortable talking to in any situation. If you'd talk to a stranger(counselor), it concerns me that you don't feel like your relationship with your pastor is one in which you could share this. just an observation.
Sidebar 2: Your post indicates that the enemy(read:devil) is trying to take this opportunity to not only end your marriage, but he has also gotten you disillusioned with the church....stay alert! The church(Jesus) is where you need to be!
DISCLAIMER: Alpha8207 isn't a counselor, he just plays one on the internet. All readers are urged to consult professionals in the respective fields. Alpha8207 takes no responsibility for harm, damage, bad advice, or unforeseen circumstances.....unless it works out and in that instance he takes full credit!! (That's a joke, people!)
Dang it Alpha disclosures and disclaimers are my gig
PS I suppose you stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night too lol
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Pastor's responsibilities
)
lol
