Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Not all Christians speak in absolutes of moral right and wrong. Usually that perspective is reserved for those who see the Bible as some inerrant, unquestionable literal word of God. Of course, as we see going on in our Christianity forum even as I type this, those types are at one another's throats over interpretations.
Jesus said to love one another. I believe the OP has that part down.
One misconception is that if the couple has lived together for 7 years, they're automatically considered to be married. Again, this is NOT true.
Currently, only a handful of states recognize common law marriages. The majority doesn't. And, of the states that DO recognize a union as common law, there are still certain requirements that the couple must apply.
To Robinwomb--
Let's talk about the legal stuff first. For lack of a better word, there are four "types" of recognition of common law marriage:
States that currently recognize common law marriage
States that recognize common law marriage with limitations
States that used to recognize common law marriage
States that NEVER recognized common law marriage.
Let's set aside the states that NEVER recognized common law marriage for a moment...
Of the remaining states, one of the biggest factors in establishing a common law marriage is to hold yourselves out publicly to be husband and wife. That means that you refer to each other as "husband" and "wife." None of this, "Well, we call ourselves 'husband and wife', but we're not married." No referring to your husband as your "husband", in quotes. If you sincerely consider yourselves to be married, you have to behave as if you're married. You're obviously living together. That's one way to demonstrate behavior. You both wear rings. That's another way to demonstrate behavior. Taking on his last name would be another way to say to the world you're married. It's not necessary in this day and age, but it helps if you do. Getting a joint bank account, and filling out the form as a married couple. Believe me, there are very few times in your life where you'll be asked to produce a marriage license to 'prove' you're married, even when filling out legal documents (such as a mortgage).
What you DON'T do is to refer to each other as your "common law husband/wife" or "common law" spouse. You don't tell people that you're not 'really' married. You don't tell some people you're married and others that you're not.
As for those pesky people in your church--
I'm with the others. Find another church! And when you do, please don't TELL people that you're not "really" married. Don't even tell them in secret.
There are numerous countries that don't go through the legal garbage that the US goes through, and yet, the US considers those foreign marriages to be 'legal', PERIOD, even if there's no written documentation.
Somehow, I don't believe that God judges whether ALL married people are truly married by US judicial system.
I'm sorry if this post is so long, but I have one more thing to say about your situation.
In this day and age, there are very few circumstances that a formal legal marriage is necessary in order to facilitate certain issues. For example, if your spouse dies intestate, you would automatically inherit his property according to the laws of your state. If you're not legally married, your partner can still inherit from you, although some additional paperwork would be in order (such as, an insurance policy naming your partner as your beneficiary, or a will leaving whatever you want to your partner, or even a living trust, which would 'pass around' your partner's estate). I know that some people say that hospitals won't allow a "live-in partner" to visit a partner as they would a spouse...which is NOT necessarily true.
Seems like you and your "husband"...oops...I mean husband need to have a discussion or two about this.
Christians believe in absolutes of moral right and wrong. We talk our convictions.
People who think anything goes and there is no moral right or wrong as long as you are not intentionally hurting anybody else, don't have a moral basis to inform on what we consider immoral behavior, like killing an unborn baby.
FWIW, I know plenty of judgmental non-Christians. I am judged as a greedy pig because I don't want to pay high taxes. I am judged to hate the earth because I don't believe in global warming. I am judged to be racist because I am for police and think criminals should be punished. I get judged all the time by non-Christians. Heck, I get judged just for being a Baby Boomer.
I don't think either side has a monopoly on that.
And you judge others because they are willing to pay high taxes. You judge other because they believe the scientists who believe in climate change. You judge others because they believe that police are sometimes brutal and because people believe in criminal reform and rehabilitation.
As you say. Nobody has a monopoly on it, because we all do it. And when I say "we" I include myself,
Christians believe in absolutes of moral right and wrong. We talk our convictions.
People who think anything goes and there is no moral right or wrong as long as you are not intentionally hurting anybody else, don't have a moral basis to inform on what we consider immoral behavior, like killing an unborn baby.
FWIW, I know plenty of judgmental non-Christians. I am judged as a greedy pig because I don't want to pay high taxes. I am judged to hate the earth because I don't believe in global warming. I am judged to be racist because I am for police and think criminals should be punished. I get judged all the time by non-Christians. Heck, I get judged just for being a Baby Boomer.
I don't think either side has a monopoly on that.
However you structure your morality applies to you and you alone. We have laws to run society. Someone might think it's immoral for an unmarried couple to live together. If they go out and do it then it's immoral. If someone doesn't believe it's immoral to live together without being married and they do it they are not being immoral.
As you judge so shall you be judged. Soapbox on the Political section.
The thing I've noticed about Christians is that they always preach love and happiness in an absurd way when they encounter and atheist or agnostic. They try to change people all the time and have no other tools than this absurd love and happiness. I think that when a Christian feels depressed or down they try to supress these feelings.
The thing I've noticed about Christians is that they always preach love and happiness in an absurd way when they encounter and atheist or agnostic. They try to change people all the time and have no other tools than this absurd love and happiness. I think that when a Christian feels depressed or down they try to supress these feelings.
The thing I've noticed about Christians is that they always preach love and happiness in an absurd way when they encounter and atheist or agnostic. They try to change people all the time and have no other tools than this absurd love and happiness. I think that when a Christian feels depressed or down they try to supress these feelings.
Most definitely. In many Christian traditions, you are supposed to feel this "joy" that is often utterly absent in your life, but it's not acceptable to admit it.
I think L8 here pretty much said it all. Why are you allowing these sorts of judgmental beings into your life and into your emotions and head space?
You are married in that you are committed to one another. Love is stronger than a governmental legal document, and since the very core of the faith is that God is love, you are fine.
Try to remember that when people say things like this to you--and I am amazed that people actually have the nerve to say things like this to begin with--it is their problem, something inside of them, and not you.
I'm also a caregiver, taking care of an incapacitated, dying partner. We'd intended to legally marry before he got sick, but after his diagnosis, the idea of doing a pre-nup (older couple with separate adult children and income and assets) and other hoops we'd have to jump through were no longer worth the precious time they would take from us. Yet I've had people, mostly on City-Data, lol, but also in real life, tell me I should just walk away because we aren't married. Can you imagine knowing you are dying and being so unable to control your own body that you cannot even press a button a remote control and having the person who said she loved you and planned to marry you just abandon you? And how would I live with myself if I did so? I question those people's souls, not my own.
Remove yourself from negative people like that. There is no place for them in your lives, and chances are, if you believe in God, God will eventually teach them compassion. Or not. But they are not your problem to fix.
Peace be with you.
I had no idea you were dealing with that. And you offer real wisdom to the OP.
There is a toxic strain within Christianity, the one that obsesses over sin while ignoring the notion of grace. More to the point, its the people who obsess over the sins of others rather than their own. It's almost as if they're saying, "Psst, God, look at the sins those people over there are committing rather than the sins I'm committing. Theirs are much worse than my own."
Yet as you put it, the point of Christianity is about love. It is about how to love God by loving one another, by being of service to others in need, and by providing comfort and solace to those in need of it. That is literally it. And it's certainly not about pointing fingers at others. It's almost as if they never read the story of the adulteress in John where Christ told the mob to focus on their own behavior, not that of others. Or, for that matter, the Golden Rule.
Treat the sick, minister to the dying, help the widows and orphans. Be of good cheer to others. Fight oppression and injustice wherever you encounter it. I just don't understand how people can take that and turn it into condemning people who are going through the anguish of losing someone they love. It requires quite the mental gymnastics to get from one to the other.
The thing I've noticed about Christians is that they always preach love and happiness in an absurd way when they encounter and atheist or agnostic. They try to change people all the time and have no other tools than this absurd love and happiness. I think that when a Christian feels depressed or down they try to supress these feelings.
That's certainly some strains of Christianity, where if you're not behaving like a golden retriever nonstop, then there's something wrong with you. Yet there are other movements within the faith that recognize and respect pain and grief and depression, addressing those not with empty bromides but constancy and presence.
In other words, there's no all-encompassing statement one can make about a faith that embraces and nurtures 2.4 billion people.
I have a more difficult time with all the "good" people.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
