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This is a non-issue; it’s more sharing what I found to be a pointless dispute.
Over Thanksgiving, when I was with relatives, I noticed a recurring issue:
Whoever made dinner (Mom and Dad take turns) would simply announce what was being cooked and served. No choice was given. Then when whatever was made was served (by the cook), other family members who didn’t like it would not eat much, and whoever made dinner would get mad. For example, Dad made potato salad, but Child #1 hates mayonnaise, so dinner would end in a fight when Child #1 was given a heaping portion of potato salad but didn’t want to eat it.
Is this not ridiculous?
How does it work in your family: does whoever makes dinner ask others if the meal that is planned is acceptable? Or does whoever cooks make whatever he or she wants to make, dish it onto people’s plates and then get mad when they don’t want it?
Since I seem to do thanksgiving more frequently these years I certainly decide what we are having and advise everyone of the full menu in advance and absolutely never serve anyone something they dislike.
Some folk like to bring goodies but I have very firm rules about what is acceptable on my table:
No chilies (bring a small container for yourself if you must).
No curried anything.
No cilantro.
No fake sugar used in the ingredients.
This works well for us and I love seeing all the happy faces around the big spread.
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For large family gatherings, there are enough different dishes offered that people can generally find something they enjoy eating. People who have dietary restrictions (I have quite a few) often might bring an extra dish or two to make sure there will be enough on hand to get a full meal. When we go to stay with relatives, there will often be the main meal prepared, but because there are lots of dietary issues (picky children, multiple people with dietary issues), the parents of the children might prepare something separate they know the kids will eat without too much screaming and the people with dietary issues might make something separate they can eat. Usually the hosts make an effort to make things that are appealing to a broad range of guests.
I would not concern myself about how a mother and father are handling the feeding of their own child. I would leave that up to them as it is a parenting issue.
For large family gatherings we all say what we are bringing. If you don't like it, you won't put it on your plate. No food police.
For xmas we have 2 groups arriving at different times, with an overlap over xmas.
The first group, we all gave our ideas and decided what to cook. We all pretty much like the same things. The 2nd group is more potluck, so everyone knows what the others are bringing. Again, unless someone is allergic, we bringing what we are bringing. But yeah, we try to bring stuff everyone likes, that's the point of sharing meals.
Day to day? I cook and my husband really has no say, he doesn't WANT any say. Though I don't make things I know he won't like, unless I'm having a craving or something, then I warn him.
With the kids? One rule: just try a bite, if you don't like it, then you won't have to eat it.
Though I would not allow our's to go veggie free, so yeah, sometimes I would make him eat his broccoli.
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This is a non-issue; it’s more sharing what I found to be a pointless dispute.
Over Thanksgiving, when I was with relatives, I noticed a recurring issue:
Whoever made dinner (Mom and Dad take turns) would simply announce what was being cooked and served. No choice was given. Then when whatever was made was served (by the cook), other family members who didn’t like it would not eat much, and whoever made dinner would get mad. For example, Dad made potato salad, but Child #1 hates mayonnaise, so dinner would end in a fight when Child #1 was given a heaping portion of potato salad but didn’t want to eat it.
Is this not ridiculous?
How does it work in your family: does whoever makes dinner ask others if the meal that is planned is acceptable? Or does whoever cooks make whatever he or she wants to make, dish it onto people’s plates and then get mad when they don’t want it?
The simplest and most appreciated approach would be to place the food on the table in serving dishes/tureens together with serving spoons so that the guests can help themselves and eat just as much as they want and what they want. With several choices there shouldn't be a problem.
Not exactly "silver service" I grant you, but it avoids the uncomfortable situation you describe in your question.
I think that a host serving plates with piles of food (of their choice) is just rude/inconsiderate and ignores their guests wishes.
Also some sort of planing should be implemented to accommodate age, abilities, preferences and health concerns.
I think that a host serving plates with piles of food (of their choice) is just rude/inconsiderate and ignores their guests wishes.
I don't think I've ever had someone put food on my plate anytime over the age of twelve. I would find that odd.
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And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
Those cooking decide the menu. Unless you are a child or disabled, everyone should be able to serve themselves. As an adult I only take a small amount of everything, then go back for seconds if there was something I especially liked, and am not too full!
Common sense would say to only give a child a small portion of everything. If they are old enough to say they don't want something, it's a good day to let them skip it. If parents have picky children they might want to bring something the kids will eat, but there is usually enough variation served at a large gathering that they can find something.
Are you, by any chance, being served things you don't like?
Those cooking decide the menu. Unless you are a child or disabled, everyone should be able to serve themselves. As an adult I only take a small amount of everything, then go back for seconds if there was something I especially liked, and am not too full!
Common sense would say to only give a child a small portion of everything. If they are old enough to say they don't want something, it's a good day to let them skip it. If parents have picky children they might want to bring something the kids will eat, but there is usually enough variation served at a large gathering that they can find something.
Are you, by any chance, being served things you don't like?
Yes. My relative announced that we (the relative’s immediate family and I, for a total of 5) were having egg salad and chicken salad for dinner. I hate mayonnaise, as do the relative’s two children. So I timed a shopping trip so that we’d be gone at dinner. The relative got very angry.
I missed the part where you said the cook is s dishing up the meal. About all you can do in that case is tell them you don't want x or that you only want small portions. If they aren't open to that, and it may be that they are dishing up like an assembly line to make it quicker and easier for them, they shouldn't complain if people leave food or don't eat certain items at all. In the overall scheme of things it's a pretty minor happening.
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