Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
This is a non-issue; it’s more sharing what I found to be a pointless dispute.
Over Thanksgiving, when I was with relatives, I noticed a recurring issue:
Whoever made dinner (Mom and Dad take turns) would simply announce what was being cooked and served. No choice was given. Then when whatever was made was served (by the cook), other family members who didn’t like it would not eat much, and whoever made dinner would get mad. For example, Dad made potato salad, but Child #1 hates mayonnaise, so dinner would end in a fight when Child #1 was given a heaping portion of potato salad but didn’t want to eat it.
Is this not ridiculous?
How does it work in your family: does whoever makes dinner ask others if the meal that is planned is acceptable? Or does whoever cooks make whatever he or she wants to make, dish it onto people’s plates and then get mad when they don’t want it?
My motto? You don't have to eat it, but that's dinner.
Are these adult children? If so, shame on them. They can bring whatever dishes that are to their tastes.
If they are not adult children, then shame on the parents for not raising them better.
Anyone else find it odd that OP 'announced plans' with the children rather than 'asked permission' from the parents? That alone would probably set me off, since when does a guest arbitrarily make plans for some members of the family without checking first?
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
44,585 posts, read 81,186,228 times
Reputation: 57821
I do 99% of the cooking, but it would be rare for me to just make whatever I wanted. My wife and I will discuss the next week's menu on the weekend so that we can make a list if needed to go shopping before then, or to look in the freezer to see what we have. Sometimes we get caught short and I will say "what did we decide on for dinner" and she will remind me that we forgot to discuss it. Then we have to come up with something on short notice. Other times I might suggest that "someone else" make our dinner that night, and we will go out.
Yes, sometimes I will place the food onto her plate and bring it to the table. Cooking for only two now with the kids on their own, it's often going to be half of whatever I cook for each of us, so why dirty a serving dish or two? Last night for example, I did salad, burgers and fries (in the air fryer). We each got half of the salad, one burger, and half the fries.
The best thing about doing the cooking . . . she does the dishes.
He (parent) called me and told me, “She [wife] hates our side of the family. Trying to avoid dinner just made her madder but she just hates our side if the family. So get used to it.”
The simplest and most appreciated approach would be to place the food on the table in serving dishes/tureens together with serving spoons so that the guests can help themselves and eat just as much as they want and what they want. With several choices there shouldn't be a problem.
Not exactly "silver service" I grant you, but it avoids the uncomfortable situation you describe in your question.
I think that a host serving plates with piles of food (of their choice) is just rude/inconsiderate and ignores their guests wishes.
Also some sort of planing should be implemented to accommodate age, abilities, preferences and health concerns.
I agree, this is what we always do too! I certainly don't want people serving me my plate with what they choose. It's not like we are still small children and you plate up their food.
A couple of thoughts to add. The first is since you missed dinner, the hostess was kind enough to prepare plates for you and save them for when you got back. A very normal gesture for a guest that misses a meal and one normally appreciated. Yet you somehow turned it into an affront.
Second, when I was a kid, about 10 or 11, several of us were playing at a friend's house. His mom, like all the moms, fixed lunch for whatever group of kids were playing together. She made egg salad sandwiches. I hate eggs. And I hate egg salad. Yet I sat there and ate two sandwiches with a big smile on my face and thanked her for the delicious lunch. Because that's that's what you do when you're a guest.
This is a non-issue; it’s more sharing what I found to be a pointless dispute.
Over Thanksgiving, when I was with relatives, I noticed a recurring issue:
Whoever made dinner (Mom and Dad take turns) would simply announce what was being cooked and served. No choice was given. Then when whatever was made was served (by the cook), other family members who didn’t like it would not eat much, and whoever made dinner would get mad. For example, Dad made potato salad, but Child #1 hates mayonnaise, so dinner would end in a fight when Child #1 was given a heaping portion of potato salad but didn’t want to eat it.
Is this not ridiculous?
How does it work in your family: does whoever makes dinner ask others if the meal that is planned is acceptable? Or does whoever cooks make whatever he or she wants to make, dish it onto people’s plates and then get mad when they don’t want it?
I think it's normal for whom ever cooks to make the menu and not to cater to particular likes and hates of various guests.
You can teach Child#1 to say "no thank you", and instead eat more green vegetables, sweet potatoes turkey. dinner rolls etc.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
