The Cities and the 30-something gay single man (Minneapolis, St. Paul: apartments, waterparks)

[manbylake]

Just some observations. The Twin Cities are a quiet place despite its size. It seems to family-oriented. It is a couple's culture. Long winters don't help. To a 30-something, gay, single man, this city does seem lacking a bit. The dating scene is not vibrant. It's been difficult to find friendships and quality guys to date.

On the web, most guys posting ads seeking a relationship tend to be older, and they are often looking for younger ones. I have no doubt I will be able to find more friends. But I'm a bit pessimistic about finding a partner.

Back to city impressions. I would say the Twin Cities lack vibrant public spaces. We have lots of trails and parks, but we don't have crowded public spaces like Portland's Pioneer Square, Seattle' Public Market, or SF's Fisherman's Wharf. Those are places you can do people watching, grab food and coffee, enjoy outdoor music, sit by a public fountain, etc. We have malls, but they don't have that quality. Many cities in the world that I have been have wonderful epic centers of energy and liveliness. We lack that. For singles, that is particularly depressing. Malls and Waterparks are for families.

[chessgeek]

Originally Posted by manbylake

Just some observations. The Twin Cities are a quiet place despite its size. It seems to family-oriented. It is a couple's culture. Long winters don't help. To a 30-something, gay, single man, this city does seem lacking a bit. The dating scene is not vibrant. It's been difficult to find friendships and quality guys to date.

On the web, most guys posting ads seeking a relationship tend to be older, and they are often looking for younger ones. I have no doubt I will be able to find more friends. But I'm a bit pessimistic about finding a partner.

Back to city impressions. I would say the Twin Cities lack vibrant public spaces. We have lots of trails and parks, but we don't have crowded public spaces like Portland's Pioneer Square, Seattle' Public Market, or SF's Fisherman's Wharf. Those are places you can do people watching, grab food and coffee, enjoy outdoor music, sit by a public fountain, etc. We have malls, but they don't have that quality. Many cities in the world that I have been have wonderful epic centers of energy and liveliness. We lack that. For singles, that is particularly depressing. Malls and Waterparks are for families.

There are plenty of people watching and hangout spots in the Twin Cities: Hennepin Ave dining, nightlife and theater district downtown, Peavy Plaza downtown, Nicollet Mall for shopping and dining (I recommend Brit's Pub) also downtown; the Loring Park area on the west side of downtown; the Mill district on the east end of downtown (you'll see walkers, joggers, bicycles, people relaxing and some on Segways in good weather). Across the river is St. Anthony Main which is also historic and provides nice skyline views. It has enjoyable pubs and you can also catch a movie and sometimes concerts.

Linden Hills is a nice hangout spot during the day with easy access to both Lakes Calhoun and Harriett.

I did not even cover St. Paul...Grand Avenue west of downtown; Lowertown Arts district adjacent to downtown.

Suburbs have places like Edina's 50th/France and Hopkins' Main Street area. These may not be big meeting places for gay people, but with liberalization of laws and increased acceptance that may slowly change.

None of these are going to be quite as packed as San Francisco's Fisherman's Wharf or say... New Orleans' French Quarter, but those are two of the most popular tourist cities in North America.

I frankly find there are too many people sometimes in SF's Fisherman's Wharf at times (have been there several times) and sometimes prefer the "elbow room" of slightly lesser packed areas that are still lively and enjoyable. From your post, it sounds like you like crowds better than I do, though.

Don't forget the many outdoor potential meeting spots on the beautiful chain of lakes or Minnehaha Falls Park!

Another consideration is that in a place like the Twin Cities you know there is a pretty good chance the person you met in a public setting actually lives there where as in Las Vegas, New Orleans, and San Francisco there is a better chance they could be just visiting (exception would be if you met them at Mall of America of course). Check those areas above out and maybe you'll change your mind. Good luck!

[manbylake]

Chessgeek, thank you for the reply. Yes, I like crowds to a certain extent. It comes from having lived on the West Coast and traveling in Asia. Being above 30, gay, and single, quietness is not something that easy to cope with. Sometimes I just even want to go to a mall and grab coffee and sit there in the middle of the mall feeling the energy. I'm curious how others feel. Perhaps this is partly due to the fact that I don't have a family, whereas people who do are occupied by their family stuff and feel fulfilled by it.

[rzzz]

30+ dating is tough in the Twin Cities. It's only slightly better as a straight person, as there are a lot of newly single divorcees once you hit age 35. Even so, you tend to meet on dating sites, not out and about.

The size and population stats of the Twin Cities are deceiving as most of it is residential neighborhoods made of single family homes and low rise apartments. The urban density of downtown Minneapolis is lower than the suburbs of San Francisco. It's really nothing at all like asian cities which are very dense and 1 million population is a small town.

Downtown Minneapolis is a strange place, it's quite dead most of the time, especially on weekends. St. Paul is even deader. The suburban malls and freeways, however, are jam packed on the weekends and after work hours. The other often-cited "trendy" areas like Uptown and Grand Avenue, can be busy by Twin Cities standards, but are very small with most of the action spanning only a few blocks. Even those areas are now more like suburban malls than the oddball independent areas they were 20 years ago. I wish I had some encouraging words but for the most part I agree with your assessment.

[l12]

Originally Posted by manbylake

Back to city impressions. I would say the Twin Cities lack vibrant public spaces. We have lots of trails and parks, but we don't have crowded public spaces like Portland's Pioneer Square, Seattle' Public Market, or SF's Fisherman's Wharf. Those are places you can do people watching, grab food and coffee, enjoy outdoor music, sit by a public fountain, etc. We have malls, but they don't have that quality. Many cities in the world that I have been have wonderful epic centers of energy and liveliness. We lack that. For singles, that is particularly depressing. Malls and Waterparks are for families.

I would posit to you that Fisherman's Wharf and Seattle's Market are mostly filled with tourists and families from the suburbs rather than single 30-something people. Pioneer Square can also be ghostly in the frequently not beautiful weather of PDX.

Loring Park, Nicollet Mall, Hennepin, Main street NE, and Uptown and increasingly the Warehouse District and 13th Avenue NE can all be pretty lively at the right times and days.

The key is to be there when there is something going on, such as live music, a farmer's market or festival. Minneapolis is ridiculously loaded with these during the warm months. Cold months, yeah it's not so easy, but there are still many events that bring people out such as beer dabbler and others. Midtown Global Market is nice in winter also. Many events at Walker Art Center and garden, MIA and the Weisman.

The city has many plans for a more attractive park like you mention near the river but we will see if it happens or not. Problem has always been downtown core just a bit too far from the river. Now they might be drying out the falls with Crown Hydro. On the plus side, Minneapolis is a hell of a lot cheaper than Seattle or SF because it is not a tourist's dream.