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Three weeks ago today, my husband and I were six days into an eighteen day transatlantic cruise when we received a phone call from our house/pet sitter telling us that our one little dog, Friederik had died suddenly. Obviously, I was beyond distraught. I am still numb and grieving. He'd been (or seemed, at least) fine when we left home. Wondering what on earth might have killed him, we had a necropsy done and learned that he had necrosis of the pancreas and that nothing could have been done for him.
In addition to two cats, we also have another dog, an almost 6-year-old female mini-Australian Shepherd named Hannah. Friederik and Hannah were best buddies. They loved hanging out and running around the yard together, or just chilling out on the couch. I was expecting Hannah to be despondent when we got home, but she seems fine, as if she doesn't miss Friederik at all. I've got to admit, I've got kind of mixed emotions about her demeanor, but it's certainly possible that she misses Friederik more than I realize.
Here are my questions:
1. I want to get a new dog, but I'm wondering how long I should wait. I've always been of the opinion that dogs are pack animals and do better when there are two of them, but under the circumstances, I wonder if I should get a new dog right away or wait until next spring. I'm kind of wanting to get one within the next month or so, but don't know if that would be a mistake or not (I mean from Hannah's perspective).
2. Should I get a male again? Would Hannah be more accepting of a male than another female? She is really an alpha personality, has to be the top dog, and while she clearly loved Friederik, she was very jealous when I gave him attention. I could never pet him without her needing to be petted at the same time. I did have two female Rough Collies at the same time once, and they got along together very well. I've just heard that I was just lucky in that case.
I'm so sorry for your loss. The circumstances of being away when it happened must have been awful. You sound like a very loving person.
My husband and I have fostered dogs for decades but we have always had three of our own. We really never planned it this way but it just happened that the mix of the three was always two males and a female and the female was always the alpha. This has been the case over many years and different dogs of our own.
When we would bring in a foster, it would make our little pack a temporary group of four dogs and the fosters were of both sexes. We noticed our female alpha was very loving to young females or older females and any male that came in but standoffish with females in her age group. This same scenario played out with two different female alpha dogs that we have owned. I hope this isn't too confusing.
To answer your question about timing - because of our Rescue background we always brought a new dog in quickly because the need was there for a permanent home.
This is just our experience but for us we like the mix of male and female. With the recent loss our our old pup (15 years old) we now have one female (alpha) and one much older male. We'll be bringing another dog into our permanent pack and it will most likely be another male making our trio once again, one female and two males.
But honestly, if we came across a female who needed a home and she fit into our lifestyle (we're older and travel with our dogs so smaller ones are best for us) I'd adopt a female and we would work it out. Good luck to you!
Three weeks ago today, my husband and I were six days into an eighteen day transatlantic cruise when we received a phone call from our house/pet sitter telling us that our one little dog, Friederik had died suddenly. Obviously, I was beyond distraught. I am still numb and grieving. He'd been (or seemed, at least) fine when we left home. Wondering what on earth might have killed him, we had a necropsy done and learned that he had necrosis of the pancreas and that nothing could have been done for him.
In addition to two cats, we also have another dog, an almost 6-year-old female mini-Australian Shepherd named Hannah. Friederik and Hannah were best buddies. They loved hanging out and running around the yard together, or just chilling out on the couch. I was expecting Hannah to be despondent when we got home, but she seems fine, as if she doesn't miss Friederik at all. I've got to admit, I've got kind of mixed emotions about her demeanor, but it's certainly possible that she misses Friederik more than I realize.
Here are my questions:
1. I want to get a new dog, but I'm wondering how long I should wait. I've always been of the opinion that dogs are pack animals and do better when there are two of them, but under the circumstances, I wonder if I should get a new dog right away or wait until next spring. I'm kind of wanting to get one within the next month or so, but don't know if that would be a mistake or not (I mean from Hannah's perspective).
2. Should I get a male again? Would Hannah be more accepting of a male than another female? She is really an alpha personality, has to be the top dog, and while she clearly loved Friederik, she was very jealous when I gave him attention. I could never pet him without her needing to be petted at the same time. I did have two female Rough Collies at the same time once, and they got along together very well. I've just heard that I was just lucky in that case.
Thanks for any advise you can provide.
I'm so sorry about your dog OP!
As for what gender to choose, there are lots of variables involved. I've come across some generalized rules of thumb about compatibility (less likely two dogs of the same gender will hit it off...they tend to compete more directly) but have seen individual dogs' personality trump the gender thing many times. A bossier dog established on its own turf may be totally fine with a submissive newcomer of the same sex. Or it may not accept any new dog of the opposite one.
As for how long to wait to get another dog, it varies a lot, IME. So much is tied to the relationship you had to the departed dog and the circumstances surrounding their loss. It is extremely personal and different each time. FWIW, I lost my last dog to a rare, fast-moving cancer at a relatively young age. It was traumatic involving sudden paralysis, extreme pain and suffering. I couldn't even think about getting another dog for more than 2 years. Every time I'd think I was ready I found myself choking up. reliving the grief, to the point I couldn't continue. The loss of previous dogs to relatively "peaceful" old age didn't affect me nearly as badly. Found myself eager and willing to give a home to the next much more easily.
Last edited by Parnassia; 10-07-2023 at 04:10 PM..
Would the dog be a puppy? If you were adopting, you could go "fost-adopt", which would give you a chance to test the waters for a better fit. You also have the two cats to think about in the mix. What was the age difference between the two dogs? I know as dogs get older, they get grumpy, and can be less accepting or simply ignore the other dog. Twice we had two females together, and they simply acted like they were a different species, and ignored one another.
My deepest sympathy. For me, I needed to wait to get another dog each time. I wanted to make sure that I wanted another dog, and not just a dog in the place of the one I lost. This time, after losing two senior dogs 1 year apart, I have taken a long break.
rfomd, Parnassia, and AnywhereElse, thank you all for your condolences. Losing Friederik while I was away from home was one of the hardest things I've ever gone through. After I posted about his death on Facebook, a lot of my friends gave me their condolences but added, "I hope you can still enjoy your cruise." Every time I read one of their comments (which were well-meaning, I'm sure), I couldn't help but think, "Enjoy my cruise? Are you kidding me? I just lost a family member, for crying out loud."
It's important to me that my dogs be happy together, and not just tolerate each other. Regardless of when I get a new one, I am going to be very, very selective in which dog I choose. Based on what all three of you have said, I think I'm going to look for a male.
I am not looking to adopt a puppy. We got Friederik--bless his heart--when he was about four years old. He had just recently been neutered when we got him, and the "rescue" person (I use the term very, very loosely--but that's another story) told us he was housetrained. We had Friederik for six years, and in all that time he never became completely housetrained. I'd say he was about 95% there, but that 5% over six years ruined our carpet. We've had seven dogs in our 53-year marriage and I've never, except with Friederik, had one that couldn't be trained to reliably go outside to do his business. We're going to have to re-carpet the entire main floor of our house, and I really don't want to have to deal with any more peeing in the house.
It is also absolutely essential that our new dog be cat-friendly. We also had a dog once that we were told was "cat friendly." She was not. She was a super sweet dog with us and with our other dog, but was hell-bent on trying to kill our cat. She would even go so far as to try to attack our cat while I was holding her (i.e. the cat). We finally had to re-home her in a cat-free home when, after an entire year of trying to keep our cat safe from her, we were still not making any headway.
I appreciate all of your replies. They've been super helpful.
My experience has been that it’s better to have one dog of each sex. They tend to get along better. It’s horrible to lose a dog while you’re gone and of course it ruined your vacation. I have rescued many dogs and haven’t had carpet since because you never know how well they are trained and if you can improve it. I had one Maltese that never completely trained and we got her at 8. I now always have vinyl pergo installed because it holds up well.
One of each sex it is, then. Everyone pretty much seems to agree.
I'm glad I'm not the only person in the world who had a dog that never got completely housetrained. People would say things like, "I'd euthanize him or at least turn him over to a shelter." Seriously? Peeing on the carpet really sucks, but it's not a capital offense in my household. And if I'd turned him over to a shelter, he'd have ended up getting returned again and again and again until his time finally ran out.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost a beloved dog 4 months ago and am still grieving. So is my remaining dog. She has started to show signs of being bored and wanting another dog around. She loves the dog next door and ran over to play with him. That never happened before until today. She has been sitting on the porch staring over at their property, hoping to see him. This just happened today, so I'm thinking I need to get another dog, but unfortunately it will have to wait until circumstances are right.
As for gender, I once had two males - young weaned puppies from the same litter. Unbeknownst to us, they were tearing each other apart in the backyard while we were at work. Apparently it was awful. Our neighbor threatened to call the Humane Society if we didn't do something. But we didn't know! We took care of it right away. We actually re-homed them both - to separate homes. That's when we learned that two of the same gender are not great together - generally speaking. My girl got along with my boy (who just passed) very well. She was the alpha and he was the perfect beta. They were great together, for almost 11 years.
As for when to get another dog, only you can know when it feels right. Best of luck finding a new pack member for your girl. I'm a firm believer in at least a 2-dog household if circumstances are right.
I have two thoughts. First, I do not believe, generally, that dogs NEED other dogs around. Some do, many don't (kinda hard to say "most", because I don't believe I've ever seen a study on this). Their human family, for many dogs, is quite enough.
Second, you're dealing with a bossy Aussie here. Aussie's have, as a breed trait, a "bossy" set of genes. Present in many, not all, but more likely to be found than in other, non-herding breeds. A "bossy" mindset is complex, and can be built on many motivating factors. Jealousy, a desire to control things and produce results (herding impulses), resource-guarding, even separation anxiety, and I'm sure there are others - all sources of "bossy" behavior. I can't tell, from here, why YOUR Aussie is bossy.
I will amend the previous paragraph - slightly. Hannah is a mini-Aussie. My understanding is, and this has also been told to me by other herding breed people, that mini-Aussies are not just miniature Aussies. Meaning they don't necessarily carry the herding breed mindset of an Aussie. Apparently enough other dogs were used in creating the type, that working instincts got diluted. Which only has an impact on your path forward in that Hannah's bossiness might not be originating from working instincts.
But since Hannah does not seem to be lonely at this point, I would take her word for it. Her "word" being communicated by body language. And, since dogs live very much in the moment, I would forgive her if she does not seem to miss Friederik.
My thinking is that you have a dog who is happy. She was happy with Friederik, and now she is still happy, without Friederik. If that is the case, I don't see any need for a 2nd dog.
I would advise, if you want a 2nd dog, to keep in mind that the 2nd dog is for you, not Hannah. It would be her job to get along with #2, should you decide to get a new dog. Having said that, I have also been told, by many breeders, that when 2 females decide to not like each other, the conflict, long-term, will be very serious. Whereas, two males who don't get on will usually settle their differences. And that 2 dogs of different sex will generally get along better. But either way, if you get a 2nd dog, you will likely have to work within Hannah's personality and desires. Either she gets to help pick the 2nd dog, or you will have to deal with the bossiness, or you get a dog who will accept and deal with the bossiness themselves. That last option could turn out badly.
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