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You and your husband deserve a vacation to distance yourself from this situation. She has made her decision in life - you are not obligated to her anymore. I know this hurts you, I know it does and I truly empathize with what you have gone through with this ungrateful person. She made her bed and has to sleep in it. She values her ugly bf over her flesh and blood family. Some girls are just like this for God knows why. You seem like a caring person and I'm sure you and your husband raised her the best way you could, but some people, deep down inside, are just rotten and there's nothing you can do about it other than move on, change your phone number - heck, why not move.
Good luck.
Ah, yes, a vacation! The last we had such, was one of our annual trips to Disneyworld, with the kids, of course! Those were happy times----at least I thought so! Our family somehow just disintegrated, who knows why. Does the "why" really matter now? We can't go back in time.
Insofar as a vacation, well, we simply can't afford a "real" vacation for about another year. Well, we could, but we are throwing every penny at bringing down our debt. It is our goal to be debt-free by Christmas! But we can give ourselves another type of "vacation". Just ignore the kids. They don't want us, we don't want them. Just ignore them and their little dramas. Seems both have fallen into the underbelly of life and like it there. Ok, so be it, they have made their choices! Our "vacation" is to forget about them.
I still suspect some sort of scam on the part of DD with the car accident incident. It just doesn't add up, I agree. I wouldn't put it past her. Look what she's done before----"stealing" my car, stealing my AMEX and getting $100 manicures, that was just the start. She's a mean little thing. A few years back, I fell and broke a lower vertebra. DH was out of town for job related issues. You'd think a then 16-year old could have helped a little. Instead, she would come home, eat up all the convenience foods DH had left for me, and walk off and leave me helpless. When I asked her to help me make some food, she sneered "I'm not your servant". What manner of human being is that? Her car insurance and related issues are the least of my worries!
DD is an idiot, she's an adult, she didn't want anything to do with you or your husband until this little snafu. I would say tell her good luck and welcome to the real world of being an "adult".
Move on with your life and be happy. Some kids just suck.
We are just relieved not to be in a liability position with her now. We kept telling her the "facts of life" that you must have a driver's license, insurance, yadda, yadda.....she somehow thinks she can get away with whatever she wants. Its the people she now associates with. They are the "underbelly" class, the type that thinks the world owes them something but they don't owe anything to the world. We didn't raise her that way, but somehow she fell under the influence of others, we've tried, but can't spend the rest of our lives and resources trying to coax her back into a lifestyle she clearly disdains. Its now her life, let her bear the consequences
Write DD off. I know you're paying off debts, but, treat yourself to a night on the town with dinner and a movie - a comedy. That's a four hour "vacation" right there. Then next year, go on a real vacation knowing you don't have to deal with those two evil spawns anymore.
Write DD off. I know you're paying off debts, but, treat yourself to a night on the town with dinner and a movie - a comedy. That's a four hour "vacation" right there. Then next year, go on a real vacation knowing you don't have to deal with those two evil spawns anymore.
We plan next year to go someplace special, but not someplace we've been with the kids, that would hurt too much!
I'm still considering......perhaps
a fly/drive trip through California
a cruise to Alaska
a visit to Las Vegas
Its true, life is so short. My grandfather worked his tail off all his life. It was always his dream to "go West", to see CA< AZ UT, etc, etc......he owned his own business and was cash-rich after WWII from govt contracts. One day he thought, life is short.....he shut off the machines, had already laid off his few remaining workers, stomped into the house, and told grandmother, come on, we're going! Going where? Out West! His daughter and nephew could handle things at home. GM protested she needed time to buy clothes, etc, he said we will buy what we need on the way----and they did it! Just like that!
GF took a wad of cash, got a taxi to the airport, off they went....for about a year! He spent over $50,000 back in 1947, a tremendous sum then.......then, they came home, happy from their trip, until GM developed leukemia. She died several years later. There was no such thing as medical insurance, no medicare, etc, just what you had in your pocket. At least the "system" didn't get all their money, they worked for it, they spent it on themselves, good for them
More or less. He currently "lives" with his girlfriend. He shows up here every once in awhile, spends a few nights, does his laundry, then just disappears again. He had a job in fast food, I know, not the greatest, but it was a start, he quit that. Now it seems he always has money, nice clothes, computer stuff, and no "visible means of support". I don't even want to know.......he did sign up with the workforce commission to take the GED, and he was going on a regular basis and doing quite well, but he loses interest easily, whenever GF comes into town---she lives in another city, they met online----he just blows everything off and runs to her.
He dropped out of high school, which broke my heart. Seems once he turned 18 he could do so without our knowledge or permission. We only found out after the fact. So, now, he's an unemployed high school dropout At least DD did graduate, although it took a court order, and she does work, albeit in fast food, but she has been promoted and now makes ~$12/hour. Neither kid even has a driver's license, although we've tried to facilitate that many times, long story.
Please, no flames about what a lousy parent I am. We never did anything to set the kids along this course. Both DH and I value education, we both have Master's Degrees, both of us are straight arrows, its not our example they are following. Don't forget, parents aren't the only ones involved in raising their kids, sometimes they get "ruled out" by other influences.
Why do I even let DS back in the house? I want to keep some sort of communication lines open.
I simply don't understand what on Earth happened, and going back in time to re-hash things serves no purpose now. Seems both have bled us dry, now we're of no use, so they throw us away Ok, alright, life goes on, for all involved. If that's the path they choose, so be it. DH and I must look to our future as well.
One thing I've been very careful of----don't allow either to claim squatter rights. In Texas, we are responsible to house them until they turn 18, then they are on their own. However, they can claim squatter rights, like a tenant can. If they have previous residence in our home before 18, once 18+ we could not simply say to leave. We even had the police tell us that! We would have to go through an eviction process which could take many months, in the meantime they could make our lives #ell. We were renting our home, which we planned to buy. However, our lease was up and we were going month-to-month. We simply gave notice, and moved to a small apt in another city and did NOT put either kid on the lease. We also went to great lengths to make sure the didn't receive mail here, that establishes residency. That way, they are off our backs. I can't believe we're in such a position, but, like everyone, we must play the hand we're dealt....and look out for ourselves.
OP: To start with your daughter is 18 and an ADULT under the law while not living under your roof for quite a while.
You have shredded the letter so in essence it was NOT received or acknowledged having received it so no issues there.
Based upon change of address any future mail should follow her.
Under NO circumstance sign for any Certified mail (you are NOT required to accept any mail from anyone).
Do NOT answer any phone calls for info re your daughter or the questionable accident since there was NO Police report.
Other driver fled the scene and they are pulling straws for a possible damage that may have happened to their car at the time. Same kind of damage? could have happened to any car going into a pkg lot pole etc.
Based upon your posts a Police report was NEVER filed while they were the ones to leave a supposed accident.
I am not a Lawyer but would have reacted to all of the above if it were in my shoes....you are in the clear and know NOTHING. ((remember Schultz in Hogans Heros.....I know NOTHING)
OP: To start with your daughter is 18 and an ADULT under the law while not living under your roof for quite a while.
You have shredded the letter so in essence it was NOT received or acknowledged having received it so no issues there.
Based upon change of address any future mail should follow her.
Under NO circumstance sign for any Certified mail (you are NOT required to accept any mail from anyone).
Do NOT answer any phone calls for info re your daughter or the questionable accident since there was NO Police report.
Other driver fled the scene and they are pulling straws for a possible damage that may have happened to their car at the time. Same kind of damage? could have happened to any car going into a pkg lot pole etc.
Based upon your posts a Police report was NEVER filed while they were the ones to leave a supposed accident.
I am not a Lawyer but would have reacted to all of the above if it were in my shoes....you are in the clear and know NOTHING. ((remember Schultz in Hogans Heros.....I know NOTHING)
Thanks.....good point about the certified mail. although we have not received any such, its good to keep in mind. So right.... We know nothing....because we don't
That's essentially what we're doing. DD lives in the same town, but completely ignored us for most of the past year. She wouldn't even come over for Christmas! Although I texted her we had some presents for her, she texted back well........maybe she could come by later. I took back the $300+ of presents the next day. she never contacted us. She ignored our birthdays, Mother's Day, Father's Day, all the family holidays that serve to reinforce family ties. She even texted me once "it should be obvious I don't want you in my life. Quit texting me". Ok, we did, except we were still paying for her phone! Family plan, which I immediately dropped.
Then, a few weeks ago, a car accident and.....Hello, Daddy, help! She's lucky we still carry medical insurance on her, although we plan to drop it next open enrollment, which is not until October. No, I'm not pursing a kid who spits in my face
She even told me once, back around last Sept, "do you realize once I turn 18 I can walk out that door and there's nothing you can do about it"? To which I responded "and do you realize I can lock it behind you and there's nothing you can do about that"? I got soooooo sick of that 18 crap. Both kids kept saying they would be 'free" when they turned 18. I told them good luck!
FWI none of this has anything to do with your question. You are wanting to start drama and it is easy to see if your daughter was raised like this why she is so messed up if she really is. Are you a BPD?
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Her car insurance and related issues are the least of my worries!
