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It sounds like OP has someone she points fingers at for everything. It is them versus her. She is not responsible for anything.
An outsider living with a family member twice her age. Body language allowing to see behind the facade. It may be time to move on.
The "only rich Americans learn English" gave me a chuckle as well as the pepperings of Italian words through out. Five years living in the ccountry should have brought her to fluency.
The "only rich Americans learn English" gave me a chuckle as well as the pepperings of Italian words through out. Five years living in the ccountry should have brought her to fluency.
Yes, this all rings odd.
OP says:
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYRicantraveler
I am an American female at the age of 30. I am well eduacated to the point where I am currently studying for my master’s online. And, I have experience from work life in my country: the good ol’ USA.
But her English seems like a second language, and she claims "only rich Americans learn English".
I had thought her to be Puerto Rican based on the user name, which could make Spanish her native tongue.
But then she says:
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYRicantraveler
I just started studying Spanish about a week ago.
And at five years totally immersed, she should be fluent in Italian language AND local dialect. Most people are in a year or two.
Last edited by Pitt Chick; 05-06-2024 at 11:31 AM..
You know...you say you're a well educated American 30 year old woman, but there's something 'off' about you. You make a LOT of grammatical errors. Its like English isn't your first language OR you're not as educated as you've indicated.
OP you know the current political climate in Italy far better than I do but I think your problem with the bf's family is cultural not political.
English isn't taught in US schools? By your username I'm guessing you grew up in an NYC borough of Puerto Rican heritage? That might explain the lack of thorough grounding in English.
Anyway, whatever all the details of your education and family life, it sounds like your relationship with this man is coming to an end due mainly to his family objections. It's probably significant that he's 30 years older than you and still unmarried.
Just as an aside, my husband's nephew married a girl who's parents came to NJ from Rome, they were married in a traditional Italian Catholic wedding here in the US, then went with both sets of parents to Italy to be married again in front of grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins in the family who lived in Italy. This was only a few years ago and the bridal couple was in their twenties.
Modern politics are one thing, family cultural traditions are quite another.
I am 75 years old. My parents were immigrants to America. I am a natural born USA citizen. I have done some traveling and am very aware that many people in other countries dislike America’s global politics and in turn, American citizens. I have seen some Americans behave very poorly when I have been in Europe. I understand the general distain for Americans “in theory.”
However, you are an individual who has been in a relationship with a family member for quite some time and you feel dislike from the group because you are an American. While I find it difficult to understand how a whole family cannot discern the difference from a “general dislike” and a singular individual, in reality you are uncomfortable and feel emotionally isolated.
I can relate to your interest in making a life in a foreign country. I had dreams of leaving my family’s location (New York/New Jersey) when I was in high school and finding a kinder, gentler part of the world where people seemed to live out family values. So I left the east coast and went to college in Iowa. Yes, still in the USA, but in many ways in 1967 a different world that represented values I sought. I married a local and suffered for 11 years before I threw in the towel and acknowledged, at age 30, that my spouse and I grew up in very different worlds and would forever have different values. It was painful for a few years. But I learned that, unless you feel you are “home” in every way and on every day you will not be living your best life.
Some people can feel at home in any corner of our globe because they have inner peace and are surrounded by their “tribe.” You have neither inner peace nor own your tribe. Its time to move in the right direction. Figure out how to make that happen.
This situation with his parents and his relatives seems like it will not likely to change any time soon as Italian culture is known for these kind of behaviors.
It will never change because of your age difference, not because they are Italian. They see you as a usurper and a gold-digger, i.e., "how dare a foreigner take one of their men and be a user, too."
So break up with him, go get your own place (if you are living with him) go back to the US when you've saved enough money to do so, if that's what you want to do.
OP, what do you see in this 60-year-old man? If he were young and handsome, we could see that many girls/women would fall for that. If he were rich, and if you were a gold digger, we could understand the reason why you fell for him. Or if he loved you dearly and stood up for you against the way his family treated you, we could understand that was because of love, you would want to stay with him. But from all the things you told us in your posts, I see there's no reason you should stay with this old man (close to retirement age) any longer. Leave him, leave Italy, come back to the USA, start a new life again, even without your family.
It's good to travel, or live in some other countries sometime to learn the world. But USA is your home country. You are familiar with the culture. You know the language much better. You can find a job easier. Establish yourself about finance, physical and mental health. Learn to be happy with your own self for a while first. And start to date again. Learn from your mistakes in the past.
You are still young. You can do it. I know it’s easier said than done. Every breakup is painful. But you are only 30. You are not married (so you don’t have to pay a lawyer for divorce). You have no string attached like children (so you don’t have to fight for custody or pay for child support if you leave him). You have so many years ahead of you. Try hard to make your life/future to be better.
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