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I will never make the first move on a man ever again. Tell me what I’m doing wrong. I keep hearing “don’t wait to ask him out, men wish more women would make the first move, etc.”
But after some experiences, I keep getting rejected even though each time I was looking out for signs they were interested too. Signs like staring, going out of their way to come near me, etc. To be fair, the first two were not single and one of them said he was flattered and thanked me for making the first move.
Just recently, I decided to give my number to a guy I met at an excursion on vacation. I know it’s his job to be nice to everyone, but silly me thought he was different with me, so I put my number on a note and gave it to his coworker to give to him. I would’ve given it to him personally, but he went on another boat before I was able to do that.
He texted me back later that evening and even called my number after I didn’t respond a half hour later after the text. I finally responded to him an hour after I got his text, but noticed his replies were so short and indicating no interest. Still, I don’t like to play around and I was only in town for a week, so I suggested coffee. He basically just ignored it and I haven’t heard from him since. I don’t even know why he contacted me if there was no interest. Did he think I needed something from the excursion?
I know now that he wasn’t into me, but I’m asking what I keep doing wrong. I must be reading these guys wrong and giving off the wrong vibes because they were all friendly or at least what I thought “admiring me from afar” and I thought they were just too scared to approach me. I was clearly wrong each time.
Him: Hi this is —-
Me: Hey! Thanks for texting me. I just got back from the beach. How was your day?
Him: Hi you’re welcome I had fun today
Me: how long have you been at your workplace?
Him: 3 years
Me: I’m only here until Wednesday. If you’re free, grab a coffee with me or show me your favorite beach or something.
Me a minute later: I’m going to bed now. I’m still in jet lag mode. (didn’t want him texting me while I was asleep and him thinking I was ignoring his texts)
He replies immediately: ok good night
And I don’t hear from him for 24 hours.
I text him a final text:
Thanks again for showing me how to kayak in the ocean water. You made it look so easy. It’s been on my bucket list to kayak at —-, so I’m going to try it again another time when the water is more calm. It was good practice for me, and now I know I probably shouldn’t do it alone.
This is just my google voice number and I’ll be deleting it soon. If you have Instagram, you can follow me @
What are you doing wrong?
You go after married men and men whose job it is to be friendly/aren't interested.
But what does it matter... since you say you will NEVER make the first move again?
I didn’t know they had a girlfriend. They weren’t married. I don’t go after married men. They acted like they were single and interested, hence why I decided to make the move since they wouldn’t.
I didn’t know they had a girlfriend. They weren’t married. I don’t go after married men. They acted like they were single and interested, hence why I decided to make the move since they wouldn’t.
When I was in HS I asked a boy out, we had a nice date but it went no further.
In my 20s I didn't need to ask anyone but that's true for most young women at that stage of life, men of almost any age find them desirable and attractive.
In my day if a man was interested he made the move. If he didn't he wasn't interested.
In your recent experience the man you approached probably has women coming on to him all the time in his line of work.
Some jobs are like that and it gets old after a while people lose patience with it.
Personally I would never approach what is essentially a stranger I just met.
Cultivate friends, get to know a man as a person not just as something physically attractive.
The vacation guy might have had a wife or girlfriend. Or he might not have wanted to go out with someone that would not be in the area. Maybe he's not into one night stands or long distance relationships.
Two married men; consider it better that they said no.
You may also not read people well. Hard to say. It just seems like the three you tried asking out were not good choices for anyone asking out. Well, vacation guy might be a good choice for someone to ask out if she knows his relationship status and lives on his vicinity and has spent some time talking to him first.
You need to know someone's relationship status before asking them out.
This sort of thing always amazes me. lt must be a different kind of feeling for women or something but they seem to make the first move easier than guys do really.
ldk, l still never suggest it though never have, maybe that's just my way but tis what it tis.
l just know from my point of view, if l was seriously interested and it was a situation where l could, she'd know about it. And any time any women's ever made the first move was bc l just wasn't in that way enough to do it myself.
Mind you, there'd be a time where there just wasn't the opportunity so if with those times, she could somehow help just make the situation more doable for him, yeah sure that'd be a great help.
But me, l've never thought she should do any more than that bc if he didn't take the bait then then he's just not quite interested enough to bother.
That text it was pretty obvious sorry he wasn't interested just doing he's job.
lf it was some guy that was just painfully shy or something, then maybe a bit more of a nudge. But those are pretty rare and l've seen the quietest shyest guys ever still fire up in their own way when he was really keen given the opportunity.
But yeah find out if someone is involved first to before you even bother. l've had a lot of women over the yrs just ask point blank if lm married, seeing anyone, always surprises me
So...how many times have you tried this and it didn't go well? A few? Dozens? It's almost always men making these complaints, and they are playing a "numbers game." Eventually if they are continuously failing to get a date by doing this, we tell them to either work on self improvement or consider if they are behaving appropriately in their timing and manner of "approach."
Trying to make a connection with a stranger is always going to carry some risk. As you found out, sometimes they aren't even available, sometimes they aren't interested. The alternative, as someone upthread a little said, is to go do something more social where you have a chance to get to know some people over time, and see if anything comes of that.
When my husband and I got together, it was a combination of who was making "first moves" in a way. He did reach out and introduce himself and initiate conversation with me. By the end of the first evening I knew him, I was aware that I'd be tentatively willing to see if it went further. There came a point I was trying to throw a lot of hints his way that I was interested and consenting, but he just was not picking them up. I started to wonder if he was even into me like that after all, but that seemed weird since he still continued to try and talk to me and be around me at social gatherings we both went to... Finally one day he said that he was not good at taking hints from women, and he figured he'd probably missed opportunities in the past because of it. I was like, "say no more!" I sent him a message later that night and told him in plain language what my level of interest and consent was. He was thrilled! He'd had so many instances of women being cool to hang out with him, but eventually being told they only saw him as a friend, that he'd kinda come to assume that's what it would always be, and he was really shy about pushing his desire or intent...well, I was more than happy to close the distance once I realized it was what he needed.
I didn’t know they had a girlfriend. They weren’t married. I don’t go after married men. They acted like they were single and interested, hence why I decided to make the move since they wouldn’t.
What move? You texted men who are in the tourism industry. Please the customer! Give your number to a co worker to give to him? Please get real!
I didn’t know they had a girlfriend. They weren’t married. I don’t go after married men. They acted like they were single and interested, hence why I decided to make the move since they wouldn’t.
I misunderstood when you said two weren't single. I thought you meant married. However, they were in relationships so the appropriate thing for them to do was decline. They had significant others. Being turned down by them doesn't really count as they had partners.
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